I Want To Feel Again

[Sheridan]

Long story short I am 26 i have only just come to terms with the fact i have PTSD. I have been in denial about the plethora of uncomprehendable events. Ive asuffered from depression from a young age basically all i can remember (have been severely abused throughout my life but nothing quite as severe as the father of my 3 young girls. This ended finally after 6 years with an attempted murder and torture charge leading to his deportation. This is the first time in my life i have been able to be alone (with my babies) and happy finally. I havent really felt a single flinch of an emotion for years as i had to switch off. I suffer all sorts of messed up flashbacks of things ive seen on been through and dont feel a thing. (I should be very bothered) now heres the big issue. I cant connect with my children who i have always been overwhelmed with love and joy by just a glimpse. I have a yearning feeling of needing to achieve these goals i am passionate about and its well past overdue (especially the suffering) and i just cant connect..I also met an abosolutely amazing gentleman and i really do love him i just cant feel it... i am so confused. I know the obvious signs would be to speak to professional but i feel capable of conquering this.

 

[One step at a time]

The suffering that brought you here is not okay, but with time, you can be. I hope this forum can be a source of support as you seek healing. Welcome.

 

[Lee2001]

I think the numbing is one of the worst parts of PTSD. How hard that is to not feel the good in life and challenging with kids and significant others. I struggle with this but do believe it will get better. I'm so sorry you have had traumas and glad you are here sharing.

 

[IamFree]

I think what is strange about feelings is that even though on a intellectual level we can know what we feel and what we want to feel actually feeling it is a different matter. Its like they actually come from somewere much more visceral. Doing a lot of body work such as simple yoga and qigong and tai chi has been helping me to discover what parts of my body I am storing repressed and supressed emotions.