Sexual Assault I Was Abused And Molested Several Times.

[anonymousperson]

@SophiaWisdom brought my dad years ago to one on one therapy; he came drunk as a...

Oh I'm sorry.
After reading many stories on this forum and other places on the internet, I think I was being dramatic and selfish.
For example, I don't love my mother, but she loves me and she is a nice person most of the time, but some people have managed to forgive their parents after they did worse. I should suppress those emotions and try to love her. I just don't know how exactly.
I'll work something out. It might take time.

 

[anonymousperson]

I don't think you are weak being abused is not a weakness but you may perceive it to be.

Thanks for your kind words, but I will always think I was weak (past tense) for letting, people, make me, unhappy. Anyway, but I got over it (or I think I do)!
There is just one thing I'm afraid of, I wonder if ghosts of buried feelings of the past might haunt me in the future. I heard once you become an adult you can suffer for burying emotions and not getting mental health. But they better not come back! Or I'll have to kill them again! I did it once, I can do it twice.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Oh I'm sorry.
After reading many stories on this forum and other places on the internet, I thi...

@anonymousperson - After what my mom allowed to happen to me I will never forget; forgiving her is not for her - it is to break free from the rage, and hatred I've felt for her for allowing a sexual predator (child molester) and baby murderer to be in our lives. Forgiveness of my mom getting pregnant with another man's baby while she was married to dad (he was in the Navy); and beating me so badly I dissociated; allowing a baby-sitter Cha-Cha to take me by my little girl ankles and turn me upside down and stick my head in the toilet commode and repeatedly (this is my bio-sis' memory - I have no memory of this happening) flushing commode Patricia said it seemed like a hundred times); and because she was absent - we were stuck in an orphanage - Dessie Scott Children's Home in KY; also two foster homes, on and on and on, sick crap after more sick crap.

I will never again suppress my emotions and I will deal with them - for denial for me and only for me - almost killed me. And I don't want to commit suicide although my brain tells me so most all of the time - I just want the flippin' pain and hurting most all of the time to stop.
So, @anonymousperson if suppressing your emotions works for you - by all means. This unhealthy and destructive (for me only) method of handling and dealing with my for decades pent up emotions - nearly destroyed me both mentally and nearly through suicide. Wish you well @anonymousperson. I use to cut not for pleasure, but to feel - anything. Now, I choose to try when able each day to feel, face my pain, past, and I am in recovery now. Hope you are doing well this p.m. JadesJewel

 

[SophiaWisdom]

I heard once you become an adult you can suffer for burying emotions and not getting mental health.

Ohhhh yes lol. I agree with what others said - whatever works for you, no one is judging or noticing :)

I can say for years I tried to forgive her - my mother is an expert liar and everyone around her thinks she is amazing and perfect and only her ex husband (my dad) and I know the truth (my dad is on anxiety meds and I have CPTSD). Even 6 months ago I tried to get along with her and I was 35 and all of a sudden it hit me and now I'm physically incapacitated and can barely work and can't drive anymore. For years I had anxiety and hypoglycemic tremors and insomnia and nightmares, but I was an Ivy League magna cum laude graduate who was active and a leader - I was even on TV and a pro dancer, so I thought I could handle it. this is the first time my body said, "Okay, you can't do this anymore, we're quitting on you until you deal with this."

Again, just my story and you may find just letting this all out is great and will help you clear things. It's good you're facing things!

 

[talon]

@anonymousperson - After what my mom allowed to happen to me I will never...

It's easy to say but the best revenge on one's abuser is to get better . That's shows them that whatever control they think they had it's no more you are a survivor not a victim.

 

[Tree23]

Please don't make the mistake I did. I'm nearly 18 now and I've kept quiet for so long about what happened to me. Since was I was 6 or 7. I thought I cold heal like you and get over it, but everythings just worse. Not a week goes by where I don't recall what happened, they come like repressed memories. I recommend you see someone because I promise you this Is the worst feeling. It's not too late for you. Just please give it a chance.

I'm saying it's late for me, but don't make my mistake.

 

[anonymousperson]

Please don't make the mistake I did. I'm nearly 18 now and I've kept quiet for so long about what happe...

What happened to you was clearly worse.
Don't worry, I have fully recovered from, well, whatever. There is nothing troubling me.