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Undiagnosed I Was Raped And Molested By A Neighbor And Abused By My Mother.

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RedAnther

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When I was four I was raped and molested by a neighbor. Throughout my life, my mom and dad fought, split up. My mom was physically and emotionally abusive. And so was my brother.

I was wrongly disowned by my father's side of the family because they protected him when I told my Grandma in private that he had been molesting me. I was 18 at the time. She called her daughter and asked her opinion, then called my dad and told him of my accusation. She then booked me a flight back to my mother's on the other side of the country that night.

I'm really struggling with this one. I went through stages of grief. I didn't realize what was happening or what they were doing. When I got to my mom's I didn't tell her. I was afraid she'd retaliate. She respected my privacy at first but she is very abusive, physically and emotionally. She started to scream at me and used it against me. She didn't like that I was keeping a secret from her. After 3 months I eventually told her. She wasn't surprised since my dad is the type to do things like that.

She hasn't been supportive and even uses it against me. Family, friends, no one has offered me their support. One even asked where my father touched me. I got my first boyfriend when I was 20. I thought it'd help me get over my fear and disgust of men. I told him and he told me not to talk about it and to tell no one. He also asked how my father touched me.

I panic when I'm asleep and someone enters the room now. I have nightmares. I have abandonment issues now too. I cry whenever I see fathers and when father day comes around the corner. I cry when I hear about family. I cry when I think about my siblings I miss. And I'm so scared of everything.I found out a couple months ago I've been living with a heart disease. I was born with it. I live on my own now, and am trying to get surgery to fix it so I can live a healthier life.

I don't have any support system. My friends, family, no one cares. I hope I can find friends and support in these forums.
 
Hi and welcome to the forum.

In addition to the information and support here, are you seeing a therapist? A therapist could help guide you. Also I'd suggest asking for a referral for a diagnosis.
 
I hope you don't mind, but I'm sending you a safe, gentle hug. Bless your heart and mind. I am so so sorry that happened to you. I too know that family can suck big time.

Shame on your dad. Shame on those who refused to acknowledge what you've been through. Big time shame on them.

I am also sorry to hear of your heart condition. I do hope you have a good doctor who can help. I also hope you have good insurance.

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. I hope you can get a diagnoses soon so you can stay here. There is a lot of good information here and great people who can be very supportive. I do hope you will keep reaching out. It helps to have people to talk to about real issues. And your issues are important to talk about. When you're alone, it just brews and gets worse.

Another hug, if you'll allow it.
safenow.
 
Hi RedAnther,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

This site has a lot of wonderful information for managing PTSD and the support of the other members is amazing. There is also a sister site, MySexAbuse.com, that you may find helpful. The link can be found at the bottom of this page.

Wishing you the best.

Debbie
 
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