Childhood I Wish...

[Crow]

I must disagree...at least for me. My trauma T and I worked for a decade before we talked about the trauma from early childhood. She helped me get stabilized and to where I could sufficiently self regulate before we touched on the deep trauma. And the details we've never really discussed. She's had me focus on body sensations (somatic experiencing). It's been the best thing and the only way I've been able to process the trauma and start to leave it behind. Re-traumatizing by talking about the horrors is harmful and abusive.

 

[VioletButterfly]

She helped me get stabilized and to where I could sufficiently self regulate

Would you mind sharing what has helped you in terms of stabilization and self-regulation? Also, about your experiences with somatic therapy. My mind is automatically going to re-experiencing body memories when someone mentions somatic therapy and that sends me down an avalanche of reactions into re-traumatizing myself. I think I might not be understanding how this process works as this is the last place I need to be right now. I am trying to keep myself in a space of mindfulness and self-compassion through my faith. Hoping to take a step or two this year though as the burden of carrying the traumas in Pandora's box on my back is getting a bit heavy, plus there has been some memory flooding as well lately. Very hesitant to go back into therapy for fear of being triggered again given how I feel about even brief glimpses of memories. This might also help @Copper Princess to see the difference between the assertive/exposure-based approach her T is taking and what might be a gentler approach for her given her responses. Tks. VB

 

[Deleted member 8714]

Interesting! Ive heard similar sentiments and have talked about this too with my own T - it does seem varied. Hopefully those doing it will be in the 25% :) That's my prayer for everyone at least lol.

Have you found modalities that are great for CPTSD or are the ones you listed the best? (the combo of things you mentioned)

Hi SophiaWisdom,
For me the best was "talk" through various methods including the journaling, writing, artwork, and cognitive therapy. Sometimes there were no words for how horrific an event was. I resorted to drawing it out. At one point while I took a hiatus from therapy, I drew several telling pictures of the horrors I witnessed. They were all faces; mine alone showing two sides to me or in combo with my father's face. Later I saw a therapist who specialized in art therapy. I showed her my drawings and she confirmed that I witnessed the atrocities I talked about with her. Most of those faces spoke of the unspeakable.

 

[SophiaWisdom]

Hi SophiaWisdom,
For me the best was "talk" through various methods including the journaling, writin...

Thanks so much for sharing! Were you having a difficult time speaking about them before?

I suppose that's also a factor to consider - I can speak readily about what my mother did to me (and have done so already). But if something is difficult to put into words it might be too much for the sufferer!

 

[Sideways]

For single event traumas from my adult life, I've found "telling the story" really helpful. And going into detail about facts helped unstick a lot of the emotions. Probably because being older when those events happened, there's not as much confusion in my brain about the emotions and beliefs tied to the events, but also because it stopped it all going round in my head. That form of exposure has worked for me.

But it was simply retraumatising when I tried that same process with a former T regarding my childhood trauma, and I routinely ended up dissociating or switching, so nothing actually got processed, it was just incredibly painful. I don't understand it any better, the emotions are still messed up, and I still feel like I'm at square 1 in a lot of ways.

There is definitely something powerful in being able to tell your story. But it takes a really long time, especially if the abuse was chronic. And you can't just walk in, offload a traumatic event, and then "seeya next week for the healing to continue." It's a constant stop, start as you process and recover after each session.

Is your T onto something when she suggests you might need to talk about it? Sure. But there's no rush. Less than a year is really not very long for a process like that, because there's also a lot of work required that doesn't involve just getting it out there. I don't agree that it has to be detailed either. Talking about things in a general sense is a good way to gradually build your confidence (and ability to self-care through the process so you don't end up falling apart) and trust in your T. Plus some details will be far more emotionally significant than others.

There is no pass/fail when it comes to therapy. It's a fairly unique process for everyone, and it takes as long as you need it to. As long as your driving the therapy forward, it's a definite "pass". The way you're feeling about therapy though, the self-talk like "I'm failing", that should be something that your communicating to your T so you can work through those issues as they come up - left to run wild, those emotions can lead to depression or cause your therapy to stagnate as you become emotionally trapped by your thoughts about your theraoy session, rather than the trauma you're working through. Your T needs to know if her pressure is causing you distress.

What I would also suggest is perhaps working towards certain milestones so that you can feel a sense of achievement as you get through them. For me, I wanted to be able to get to a point where I was capable of being able to say certain things out loud, like "That was sexual abuse, he was sexually abusing me". It's mostly shame that stops me from being able to hear myself say those words to another living breathing person, and overcoming that shame, realising it's good for me to call it what it is out loud, was incredibly important for me. When I finally started saying it to my T, I knew I'd achieved something, and that felt good and reassured me that I was getting somewhere.

Just my experience.

 

[Rani G2]

Complex trauma is multi-layered and is very intertwined, so it takes time.

Well written Violetbutterfly!

 

[Deleted member 8714]

SophiaWisdom,
The artwork just flowed out of me. At the time, I had no idea what it meant. Ten years later the truth emerged through nightmares and flashbacks.

 

[WilderneeScout]

Hello friends

Today is thursday 02/16/17 i went into counseling today with a EMDR THERAPIST.... I TOLD HER I WANT TO stop my addictive behaviors...i say i want to stop...but 3 hour laters i doing the high risk behaviors and "Acting out again." i have so much guilt and shame over alll this slef loathing and self blame... does anying have experience, strength and hope of me getting better?

 

[SophiaWisdom]

For single event traumas from my adult life, I've found "telling the story" really helpful. And...

SOOOOO good! Thank you for sharing this! Being able to talk to our T is definitely most important and a priority in the healing! I just had to do a not really confrontation but a sharing of experiences that talked about our dynamic/relationship and how I need him and don't need him (I still can't bring up the transference word but since we're both MFT-trained - he's licensed, I went to grad school for it we both know it's there lol).

GREAT advice!

 

[SophiaWisdom]

SophiaWisdom,
The artwork just flowed out of me. At the time, I had no idea what it meant. Ten years...

Thanks so much for sharing this and I'm so glad you have art as a mode of expression. It is VITAL!! (p.s. have you ever done art therapy? I loved that class in grad school though I haven't gone to an art therapist myself.)

 

[Deleted member 8714]

SophiaWisdom,
I also named those pieces of artwork without having any memories to go with those. Those names turned out to be 100% accurate. Freaky!

I've never done art therapy. Though I minored in art in college.