Yeah, he probably needs you and wants you, but he's all messed up. For myself, I know that part of the syndrome is inability to decide until the last second, keeping all options open. This makes sense if you think about it to adapt a man to tactical fighting. Things are always changing and settling down means death. That's why I think PTSD is an adaptation, not exactly an illness. But at some point he has to figure out that he needs to temper himself. It's possible to override those impulses. One way I do it is to think of the person I care about as a frightened squirrel, and what would I do if I wanted to tame that squirrel? I've schooled myself to relax my face, move slowly, and act like I would with a wild animal. I've schooled myself to be reliable in relationships. It takes thought and focus at first, but it's doable. Relating to figurative wild squirrels makes things about right for me with women.
You have to care for yourself too. You can't be his emotional punching bag and it's an easy thing to fall into. It won't be good for you.
As a practical note, if you really want to divorce, there are usually ways to force it through court action if the person refuses to cooperate. But it doesn't entirely sound like that's where you're at. You do love him. Question is, what do you want to do with your life? What do you really want?
He needs to get somehow that he has to make some changes I think. He can, even though it's difficult. You might be able to go see him and just tell him what you need him to do. Generally men tend to respond better to blunt specifications. We aren't wired at the best of times to figure things out from hints. A guy with heavy PTSD and a history of childhood neglect? He's gonna have to work on it. But he has to do it.
I'd vote for just going to see him, writing a list of things you have to be blunt with him about and telling him. I'd vote for talking about the childhood neglect myself. I've come to dislike secrets, dark things breed in the darkness. (Sometimes good things, but bad things definitely.) I'd vote for laying it out clearly, giving him things he has to do, and if he does it, fine. If not, your call. Doesn't matter if he's got this or that problem, you have to establish what's ok and what isn't. He can do things. I'd vote for as long as he's really moving and up to some minimums. A bit of a halfway house thing for a while.
