Identifying As A Victim

[Chiqui]

I am a victim, no doubt about it. Also has taken me loads of humility and tears to recognize it to myself... painful, very...
But, after I have acepted it, I am fine. It doesn't make me feel weak. Also feel I am a warrior and I can stand for myself (not all the time, obiously, but it is my fundation)
Yes, to recognize myself as a victim it has helped me.

 

[Friday]

I don't identify as a victim, because I'm not, now. I was, then. It's part of why I like the word. Survivor is present tense, and clings. You're a survivor until you die. So I tend to avoid that word. Victim, however, stays all nice and neat in the past where it belongs. I'm not a rape victim. I WAS a rape victim. Etc. I have plenty of victim shit in my history. But being a victim then, doesn't make me a victim now. I may well become a victim again, in the future, but I'm not one right now.

So much of my past likes to mix up in my present that I really like words that help put things where they belong. Past. Present. Future.

 

[Ronin]

I don't tend to identify as a victim personally because it takes away from the complexity of what the hell happened.

All the interaction.

All the bits in which, while victimized, I was everything but a victim.

It's those pieces I need to focus on for my healing. All the bits that are about my power, and my persisting at life, and not them.

But if the shoe fits, by all means wear it :) I just go for flip flops on this shoe.

 

[Bloomy]

As the geek I actually am this post lead me to investigate the origin of the word victim:
Etymology:
from Latin victima "person or animal killed as a sacrifice."
ate 15c., "living creature killed and offered as a sacrifice to a deity or supernatural power
Perhaps distantly connected to Old English wig "idol," Gothic weihs "holy," German weihen "consecrate" (compare Weihnachten "Christmas") on notion of "a consecrated animal." Sense of "person who is hurt, tortured, or killed by another" is recorded from 1650s; meaning "person oppressed by some power or situation" is from 1718. Weaker sense of "person taken advantage of" is recorded from 1781.
Online Etymology Dictionary

Modern definition:
Definition of VICTIM

 

[Bloomy]

Survivor:

survivor (n.) Link Removed
early 15c. in the legal sense of "one who outlives another," agent noun from survive. Meaning "one who has a knack for pulling through adversity" is attested from 1971. Survivor syndrome is first recorded 1968.

Online Etymology Dictionary

Survive:

originally in the legal (inheritance) sense, from Anglo-Frenchsurvivre, Old French souvivre (12c., Modern French survivre), from Latin supervivere "live beyond, live longer than," from super "over, beyond" (seesuper-) + vivere "to live" (see vivid). Intransitive sense "to live on" is from late 15c. Related: Survived; surviving.
Online Etymology Dictionary

 

[Rani G2]

*ck all these words - Im me - Bloomy!! Im not a victim, not a survivor, nor warrior, nor fighter. Im not strong Im not weak

I also dont remember feeling as if being fixed, labeld in place and time with the identification of victim or survivor. Emotional qualities, behaviors varied. All kinds of emotional changes took place and still do. When I view my mind states as if they were static condititions that doesnt really make sense to me.

What qualities does a victim have? What a survivor? Is a survivor someone who is strong, someone who has truly worked through trauma? And a victim is someone who is making less progress and is further increasing his/her victimization? Who defines that?

 

[Gs172003]

To me a victim is someone that something bad happened to at the hands of somebody else. A survivor is somebody that took that and worked with it and moved forward no matter how small the steps are. I think you can be both. It doesn't have to define you, it just IS.

 

[Deleted member 541]

VICTIM?????? NO! I was at the time of every abuse I suffered at the hands of someone else, but no more. I am a survivior. I believe that all of us are victims, at the time of the event or abuse, but after that we fight to heal. Fighting isn't being a victim, it's being a survivor.

I believe that seeing yourself as a victim and having pity parties for yourself, only HOLDS you back from healing. It stagnates you. Yes, we all have pity parties at one time or another, and we all sit on the pity party thrown of victimhood. But goddamn it, most of us have made the choice to get the f*ck off of it and fight for ourselves. That isn't being a victim, that's a survivor......

So, if you feel that you need to feel pity for ourself, then you go for it, I choose to move forward, no matter how many setbacks I deal with...

 

[Holdingontohope]

I believe that seeing yourself as a victim and having pity parties for yourself

I don'the think that these two things always go hand-in-hand. Just my opinion though.

 

[Holdingontohope]

So, if you feel that you need to feel pity for ourself, then you go for it,

I don't think that being able to say "I was a victim" is feeling pity for yourself. It's not about feeling sorry for yourself, it's about acknowledging that what happened was wrong and it wasn't my fault and placing responsibility with the abuser. Again, that's just my opinion and I understand others may see it differently

 

[Rani G2]

Those who apparently come across as if they are dwelling in selfpitiness, are also processing their trauma. If I have an impression of a person who is victimizing, on which criteria am I evaluating that. Sometimes I only might have a small period of time to get a picture of that person. Can I know how this person lives his/her life otherwise? On other areas.... I believe that humans try their best to find strategies to cope in life. If they are harmful or pathological, that again is another story.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Anyone else?

I dont really find saying Im a survivor invailidating as I did indeed survive torture and came out of a cult very well. But I was also a victim of a crime so I also identify with that.

The issue I see is many people get stuck identifying as a victim. They stay in the victim mentality and dont move.

If you are moving foward then I dont see any issue. But understand that when people say "you are a survivor" its not to invaildate you but rather its speaks to your strength.