Identity Disturbance

[precious-things]

This link explains Identity Disturbance. Does anyone else feel that they deal with this in relation to PTSD/C-PTSD or due to a trauma? I have this a lot. One moment I think I'm sexy and beautiful and smart and funny and friendly and badass, and the next I'm fat and pale and ugly and unlovable. Because of this, there are some days where I'll eat a ton of unhealthy but yummy food and then later I'll stop eating and regret everything I ate before. One day I'll make a commitment to lose weight (I'm only 112 pounds, so I really don't need to) and the next, I'll eat everything I see.

Just google "identity disturbance out of the FOG" for the link

 

[Spiderallis]

It took a while for the idea to sink in, but I found your thread again! I did a lot of thinking after reading this yesterday and yes, me too. Most of the information I found was associated with borderline personality disorder, but that shares a lot of common ground with the unofficial 'C' variant of ptsd, or DESNOS- 'disorder of extreme stress not otherwise specified' I think.

Personally I alternate between thinking I'm a fabulously fierce little darling and hating myself for being a low life dirt bag. In between the two extremes is what I call 'default grey', it's a bit numb but somewhat functional. Most of the time I can stay in the 'default grey' where I'm comfortable. Excessive stress and changes put me off balance, that's when my sense of self gets shakey and I forget which me I'm supposed to be. That 'supposed to be' is part of the problem, I'm trying to meet imaginary expectations that aren't really there. There's not much connecting any of it. Every few years I used to get a whole new set of friends to match whatever I thought might be me. Seems like I'm settling down, the world stopped being disposable and I've made some friends I don't plan on walking away from. Not sure of who I really am yet, but whatever that is I know they'll accept me.

 

[precious-things]

Spiderallis,

I know what you mean. What I deal with is more characteristic of C-PTSD (or DESNOS?) than just PTSD, but as I went to see an official diagnostician, PTSD was the only diagnosis he could really give.

 

[Spiderallis]

The terminology is a bit tricky at times, that's for sure. At times I've thought of the hazy sense of identity as a dissociation sort of thing. Other times it looked like a flashback to someone I used to be that's not who I am now. Thanks for pointing out a better word for it.