If people are laughing, they are laughing at me...

[Lionheart]

when people are laughing I always feel as if they must be laughing at me.

First off this is a little self-centered to think that others would be focused on me.

My "T" said, "So what if they are laughing at you, they don't know you and they have no right to judge you based on your looks, ...or anything else for that matter."

Do ya ever get paranoid and think people are laughing at you? And if they are laughing at you, does it hurt to be laughed at? Where did this negative belief originate? How do you beat this core belief? Anybody?

 

[Adobe]

This only my experience. I found I project onto others what I feel about myself. It is me that thinks I am deserving of their behavior. Turn it inside out and ask yourself . Is it me that thinks that way about myself? 90 percent of the time it is my fears being projected onto others. I feared rejection until I realized it was me living in total self rejection because of the lies I believed about myself from family rejection and abuse. I really like me. I have been brave and courageous and so have you. You have survived. You have made appropriate changes and crossed many hurdles. Just like I had to ask myself. Is the root of this paranoia in me towards me or is it truly out there?Honesty is hard. Hoping this is clear. It is my healing journey.

 

[Lionheart]

Thank you for sharing @Hulda. I understand projecting our fears outwardly.

I think that maybe I was overly criticized as a child and grew up thinking that I am the laughing stock. My dad used to humiliate me in public. And I grew up without a shred of self-confidence, rather I am fundamentally unsure of myself and it is difficult at times not to fall into the abuse and its lies.

 

[Adobe]

What is a child to do but believe what they are told and shown. You can break this cycle of projection… dig deep Lionheart!

 

[RVA21]

I can relate to this. For me, it came from being laughed at by my parents when I was a young child and also being laughed at by children in my class, again, when I was young, about maybe 7 years old. So for a long time and even now, sometimes, I get the impression people are laughing at me. But one time. I heard people laughing outside, people I don't know, and they were just laughing at something not related to me, obviously, because they couldn't see me in my home and they don't know me. This helped put it into perspective a bit. But I can relate. And sometimes I feel the same humiliation as I did when I was a child and got laughed at, if I hear people laughing.

 

[No More]

I mean I am pretty funny usually my friends are laughing ‘with’ me, not at me! My sense of humour is definitely to not take things seriously and have a good laugh at them!

If I’ve done something hilariously dumb in public and people laugh then that’s great, you can literally doom scroll hundreds of videos of people screwing up.

If it’s just some rando on the street that’s genuinely laughing, why does that bother you? You aren’t going to meet them again, you don’t give a stuff about their opinion, chances are you’ve done something that was genuinely quite funny and it’s totally brightened someone up and reminded them other people are humans too and do dumb shit?

‘Smile and wave boys, smile and wave’

 

[Adobe]

I mean I am pretty funny usually my friends are laughing ‘with’ me, not at me! My sense of humour is definitely to not take things seriously and have a good laugh at them!

If I’ve done something hilariously dumb in public and people laugh then that’s great, you can literally doom scroll hundreds of videos of people screwing up.

If it’s just some rando on the street that’s genuinely laughing, why does that bother you? You aren’t going to meet them again, you don’t give a stuff about their opinion, chances are you’ve done something that was genuinely quite funny and it’s totally brightened someone up and reminded them other people are humans too and do dumb shit?

‘Smile and wave boys, smile and wave’

We care because we are genuinely broken from the long journey of mental emotional and physical abuse. We believed lies. It is a process to get to the truth about yourself and build that truth into healing so the paranoia is dealt with. For me it was in facing the truth that brought healing and confidence and I no longer had those thoughts. They were part of the pathology I suffered. It is not a good idea to sweep things under the rug and join in the laughter at your expense because under that for some of us it means burying the subject and putting on a false self.

 

[No More]

@Hulda, I’m not sweeping anything under the rug and covering it up, I genuinely am laughing at myself, and if I’ve done something spectacularly dopey I will tell my pals and we’ll all have a good giggle and I will feel a lot better, and they will tell me their stuff up’s and I will have a laugh at that too.

My answer was to lionhearts does it hurt to be laughed at and the answer for me is no. If someone is laughing to be cruel, I couldn’t care less. If someone is laughing with me, or because they genuinely found something I did funny, then that’s wonderful, I’m happy to bring joy to people and myself.

I am also an athlete by job, quite often I do make very very public mistakes. On one hand, I’m very pleased as the laughter is quite often genuinely people who have either found it funny, or are going away in relief that if I make that mistake, or screw it up royally, then it’s not so bad if they do to, or pro’s who are reminded we are all in it together and we can laugh at our bad days. Occasionally if it really was a big competition I’d rather curl up and cry that all my hard work has been for nothing, I’ve let my team behind me down, my trainers etc. I don’t often want to do the whole ‘it didn’t go my way today but I’ll be back fighting’, but that’s the job for you. Generally a few days after I’m done sulking I’m able to see the funny side and it makes me feel 100% better and I’ll discuss it with everyone and they’ll show me videos of all the times they got it wrong and we will laugh about it over dinner.

The vast majority of people are not fundamentally laughing to be cruel. And if someone is laughing to be cruel, why pay attention to it? That’s their insecurities, not mine. If you wouldn’t take advice from the person, pay no attention to their criticism.

 

[Adobe]

@Hulda, I’m not sweeping anything under the rug and covering it up, I genuinely am laughing at myself, and if I’ve done something spectacularly dopey I will tell my pals and we’ll all have a good giggle and I will feel a lot better, and they will tell me their stuff up’s and I will have a laugh at that too.

My answer was to lionhearts does it hurt to be laughed at and the answer for me is no. If someone is laughing to be cruel, I couldn’t care less. If someone is laughing with me, or because they genuinely found something I did funny, then that’s wonderful, I’m happy to bring joy to people and myself.

I am also an athlete by job, quite often I do make very very public mistakes. On one hand, I’m very pleased as the laughter is quite often genuinely people who have either found it funny, or are going away in relief that if I make that mistake, or screw it up royally, then it’s not so bad if they do to, or pro’s who are reminded we are all in it together and we can laugh at our bad days. Occasionally if it really was a big competition I’d rather curl up and cry that all my hard work has been for nothing, I’ve let my team behind me down, my trainers etc. I don’t often want to do the whole ‘it didn’t go my way today but I’ll be back fighting’, but that’s the job for you. Generally a few days after I’m done sulking I’m able to see the funny side and it makes me feel 100% better and I’ll discuss it with everyone and they’ll show me videos of all the times they got it wrong and we will laugh about it over dinner.

The vast majority of people are not fundamentally laughing to be cruel. And if someone is laughing to be cruel, why pay attention to it? That’s their insecurities, not mine. If you wouldn’t take advice from the person, pay no attention to their criticism.

You sound like you have are very successful in your approach and being an athlete at your level is helpful. Sounds like this totally works for you. You are fortunate to have those kind of friends and commraderie.

 

[knert]

when people are laughing I always feel as if they must be laughing at me.

First off this is a little self-centered to think that others would be focused on me.

My "T" said, "So what if they are laughing at you, they don't know you and they have no right to judge you based on your looks, ...or anything else for that matter."

Do ya ever get paranoid and think people are laughing at you? And if they are laughing at you, does it hurt to be laughed at? Where did this negative belief originate? How do you beat this core belief? Anybody?

Ow YES! I totally relate!!!

I was bullied. Every schoolday there where about 50 up to over 80 kids calling me ugly, a boy etc for several years. It came to the point I feared for my life, when I was accused of something I didn't do and the school with 2500 students turend against me. So when I hear like 14year old girls giggle or schoolboys being loud. I cringe, I panic that something is wrong about me again (bad breath, something wrong with hair, sweat in armpits, anything that could be "of"). I crumple into a little pile of shame on the floor, even when I realise how redicilous it is to fear being mocked at as an adult by a high school kid.
Once really triggert by some giggles in a store, I saw myself in the window and I looked absolutly beatifull (thats very rare for me to feel like that) and my inner teenager would be so jealous of my boobs, stunning body and long hair, The giggles still cut me to my bones at the same time, though.

Ive just started Emdr on the more severe trauma other than the bullying, so no helpfull tips/ tricks here.

I do like the idea mentioned here, that it may be projection. This could be true for me, relating to toxic shame.

Also, am I the only one to feel anoyed about the sentence: that it is "arrogant" to think everyone is laughing at you?
It may be true, but to me its not really covering it so to say. Its that inmidiate feeling of danger, it doesn't matter where it comes from.
Like when in a buzzy streat you hear gun shots and people run. You don't look around, wow where does this come from and is this bullet for me? You just RUN!
...Or maybe I am arrogant and not realizing it...

Annyway great question! Thank you for asking, its nice to read the comments and feel less alone in this I guess. Although I hope everyone gets the help and relieve from that horrible feeling! Take care

 

[Teasel]

I tend to think people are laughing at me too. In CBT I ldort of learned that I don't have to go down the shame Spiral that such things can send me. So I say to myself you don't have to do this to yourself, and other people's opinions of me are not my business. It can help if I think to do it before I get very into rumination, if that makes any sense?

 

[Freddyt]

So I say to myself you don't have to do this to yourself, and other people's opinions of me are not my business.

% right....... Their opinion is not your reality.......

The other way is a little self deprication. I live with the one eye thing - and I am the first one to crack a joke about it too. Somehow, when you are laughing at yourself, it takes all the fun out of it for everyone else.......