All emotional baggage must be left at the airport, station etc.
All mobile phones must be on silent (but you can pretend you are getting a call if it makes you feel wanted or helps you avoid conversations).
All rooms will be single, or double for couples and en-suit and room service can be ordered by slipping a note under the door because we are all to scared to use the phone. There will be no need to use the public toilets.
Catheterisation on demand.
Meals can be sneaked into rooms and eaten in secret.
No mirrors outside of the bathroom so you can't be startled by your own reflection.
You don't have to tip the staff 'cos they don't exist.
The conference leader will get to sell lots of his books because no one will have heard a word he said.
You won't be allowed into the conference suit without a cuddly toy or a security blanket.
Yes, you can suck your thumb.