If You Need To Go To The Hospital...

[Britt.f7]

Catjudo, remember this day in the days to come. Even if more bad days are ahead, remember this day and how you got through it. You have accomplished a lot. When I am having bad days, I remind myself of the days that weren't as bad or even good for that matter. Like the time I went into a grocery store and felt clear minded and free. That was a tremendously good feeling for me. I try to remember that during these bad days, knowing if I have been there once there is a chance for it to return.

None of your accomplishments today seem silly or trivial. I know all to well how hard it can be to take care of your physical self. I make myself take a shower every other day, even if I am feeling bad. I went through days of not doing so. When I was doing well I showered everyday. Now it's one step at a time and I pat myself on the back for pushing on and getting through it.

Keep patting yourself on the back. This could be the upturn you needed. Hold on to that. Whatever comes, you have this day. Don't forget that.

 

[nimkekaa]

What do you say when you get to the ER?

I have often thought about this also. At my hospital you have to see the triage nurse first and it is not even a little private. I think that I would fall back on the note thing myself. To actually say out loud that I was suicidal would be something to keep me from going to the hospital. Especially in a small town were someone you know might be just around the corner.

But I could hand the nurse a note and then the rest can be discussed in a quiet room. A good nurse or doctor would know not to ask anymore questions or to be very sensitive about what they ask after you give them a note like that.

This is a good idea for a thread. Something I think many people think about but not many talk about.

I believe that talking about things like this and getting them out in the open is half the battle. I find that I stress myself silly with things. If only I would just open it up for discussion like this, then, I could stop worrying about how to take care of myself and actually start taking care of myself.

Take care of yourself catjudo. Hugs for you if you need them.

 

[catjudo]

At my hospital you have to see the triage nurse first

I live in the suburbs of a larger city. But in every ER I've seen in this area, immediately upon walking through the front door you are faced with a receptionist-type person. Not a nurse or medical employee of any kind. You have to tell them why you are there and they begin to enter your information into a computer. From that point you wait to see a triage nurse who will speak with you in a slightly more private area. Of course, this is how it goes for physical injuries or illnesses...I'm not sure how things may differ once they realize you're there for mental help.

My apprehension came in knowing I would have to say something to the equivalent of a receptionist to make it all the way through the door and get to someone who could really help me. I also know that if I don't have some sort of plan on what to say or do in case I freeze up, it would be too easy to turn around and walk back out of the ER without getting the help I need.

 

[Innordinate]

Here it's pretty much the same. You walk up to the receptionist, you tell them why you're there and then you wait to be checked into the ER and then you wait in the ER beds to see a Dr. etc.

Here the ER is the fastest place to get a free psychiatrist.

Receptionists asks you why you're there. You reply that you're suicidal. She might ask if you have a 'plan' you say yes or no and then you wait, forever, because you are very low on the 'needs immediate care' protocol, so take a book or video game or something to do while you wait after they book you in. Then you have to wait for a doctor. Here you get a blood test, they ask a bunch of questions like, have you been drinking, do you do drugs, what medications are you on, etc etc. Just answer with yes/no or one word or talk a whole lot, doesn't really matter. They'll ask you if you think you will be safe going home (maybe - here they always want to get rid of people who don't belong in the ER but they can't force you to leave so they have to ask if you want to leave) Obviously, the answer is no. You aren't leaving. If they ask if you want to see a psychiatrist/ psychologist - Yes. You might have to wait overnight, depending on psychiatrist hours etc. I've had to stay the night a couple of times but in the morning the psychiatrist comes down, asks a bunch more questions and determines if you can do outpatient or need inpatient therapy and you go from there.

At least that's how it goes here. At least, if you walk in with some personal control over yourself... ie) you aren't holding a knife on your wrist when you walk in and screaming bloody murder... :)

So all you should really have to tell the receptionist, is that you are suicidal, want to kill yourself and how you were thinking of doing it.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

What Innordinate said is pretty much what happened to me too; I live in the states. I have to wait 11 hours so take something to do if you need to go. :)

 

[catjudo]

I appreciate the honest feedback and description. But that sounds even harder than I thought. If I were to garner the courage to walk into an ER and say that I needed help, I do not think I'd ever manage to keep that courage up long enough to sit waiting 11 hours or overnight. I'd have to be there by myself and that's a long time to sit inside my own head and talk myself out of doing the safe thing and re-convince myself that suicide really is the best answer for everyone. Somewhere in there I would lose the courage it took to get myself there and end up leaving. Then I'm right back where I began and what was the point? :(

 

[intothelight]

Cat,

I was faced with having to make a back up plan and actually I ended up calling a hospital and speaking to a social worker. They were very helpful and telling me the steps necessary to take to reach out and to make sure I got the help I would need if the situation arose again.

Larger hospitals do have separate psychiatric facilities that are specially geared towards crisis management and follow up care. Since I didn't ever wanted to be hauled in by the police again, I was given the number to their crisis line. From that point I knew I could call, would be counseled on the phone, assisted with determining a means to get to where I needed and then admitted without question or having to go through the ER. (They maintain an after hours emergency admission service.)

Social workers are great at helping you develop an crisis plan and will provide the information without judgement. Of course they will ask if you are actively suicidal when you call, but that is part of their job. It was just a huge relief in knowing how I could get help quickly.

Also, they can be a great source of information about other resources and made me aware of services that I didn't even know were available.

Hope this helps.

 

[catjudo]

Thank you. Yes, ITL, that does help. I see my therapist in a couple of days. I did say earlier in the thread that I just needed a little time to not be SO disappointed or frustrated with her...I think I'm okay to go back and give it another try. When I see her, I think I'll use the time to have her help familiarize me with the various local resources (we have a lot of hospitals and I know not all have psych departments but I honestly don't know which ones do and which ones don't) and the best procedure to use (something like you've described above) that I'll be most likely able to follow through with on my own considering my own set of fears and insecurities. It's good information to have whether I need in some time in the near future or sometime a long time for now.

I say this is my plan. I'm fully aware that I may freeze up and not feel like I can discuss this with her and ask these questions once I get there. But I will try.

 

[nimkekaa]

If I were to garner the courage to walk into an ER and say that I needed help, I do not think I'd ever manage to keep that courage up long enough to sit waiting 11 hours or overnight.

Where I live, suicide patients go straight from triage to a private room. They are seen pretty quickly. (I have taken many kids that I work with in)

I'm surprised that other people say they have to wait so long. It would be a big liability issue for the hospital if someone said they were suicidal and then killed themself waiting to be seen.

Yes heart attacks and people bleeding out are seen first but usually there is still a nurse that sits with the patient or even a police. The patient is never left alone after admitting to being suicidal, where I live that is.

 

[Britt.f7]

Catjudo, a couple things I thought of after reading these last few posts. 1, I learned that once I admitted myself, yes I could have left at any time, however my insurance might decide not to pay for the time I spent there because of that.

The other, 2, is that I did find out from my therapist/med nurse practitioner, that they have no privileges at my local hospital even though they work in the area. From what I could tell, they didn't have in hospital privileges anywhere. This is great that you will talk to your therapist about that because, like I felt, it is important to know this. They may be able to work with the local psychiatrist, but that's about it.

 

[catjudo]

I feel so stupid over all this. I have had more psych hospitalizations than I can count or remember if I tried. They were in a variety if settings...regular hospitals with a psych unit, free-standing psych hospitals, community crisis centers. They were in a variety of cities and states. But they were all so long ago (10+ years) and feel even longer ago than that. Add to that the fact that I was such a mental, emotional mess and it feels like I can only remember snippets here and there.

How is it possible that someone who has been hospitalized as many times as I have be so clueless about the process?

I know that my psychiatrist does not have privileges at any hospital (not that it would help since his practice is over 100 miles from where I live). I seriously doubt my therapist has any kind of privileges or connections. However, she has been in practice in this community for a very long time and I'm hoping that she'll just prove to be a valuable resource in terms of guiding me to the best place to go (if I find I need that) and what to expect at that particular place.

Today I am not feeling quite as badly or desperate as I have recently. But I'm also not feeling as "good" as yesterday. I'm trying to hang onto the hope that yesterday was a good sign and I really do just need to continue to wait this out.

But true confession: I'm terrified of what next week will bring. My daughter has been out of school for two weeks and I would never harm myself while she is at home. She returns to school tomorrow. That provides me opportunity. Right now with my emotions feeling a little back and forth and unsteady...I'm afraid of having just enough energy combined with opportunity to do something stupid and impulsive.

Even though I'm not yet to the point of feeling like I could go to a hospital if I have to, I'm pretty sure I could call a crisis line if I had to. My local therapist is the one who helped me work through my fears associated with that, so hopefully I can communicate with her better at my next appointment and she can help me with the hospitalization thing.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I hope you do not harm yourself. Your daughter needs you so very much. Please hang on and get help for her. Hugs and prayers if that is ok.