Death I'm Afraid My Dog Will Be Dead In The Morning

[sedna]

I've been keeping myself up well past when I could've fallen asleep for a couple weeks. I have a dog that has lived several years past when the vet said he was dying.

I do have horrible insomnia, but after going back to a normal busy schedule, I could have been sleeping more normally but I've been using this forum and lots of coffee to wind me up and stay up with him.

I have the feeling when I fall asleep he'll be gone when I open my eyes so I'm afraid to fall asleep.

I cant do this anymore, I'm making a mess out of everything Im doing because I set my life up to be very busy when I'm functional...thats part of the reason I snapped and had to take time off.

I know I cant keep doing this and the last time I tried to accept it I went on some rant about something else here. I always stay a few degrees to the side of what is really bothering me, like if the neighbor irritates me I snap at the mailman kind of thing.

I'm hoping that just saying why I'm scared to be alone and fall asleep lately will help.

With my luck it'll make it worse. I really , really love this dog.

When he goes I will hate those ridiculous special needs cats my kids brought home even more. One has one eye and has killed a Pottery Barn furniture set. The other one is retarded and has 7 toes on each paw.

I've had this dog for 20 years. He has that " I'm sorry " look they always get before they pass away.

 

[Stickler]

Awww...20 years is ANCIENT for a dog.
...cuddle doggie.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am really sorry about this happening to the both of you. It is so difficult to lose such a long lived companion. I understand your grief and the need to stay awake. Here are some hugs for the both of you and I pray that your dog does not suffer very much.:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[Missycat]

Oh @coco9 i am so sorry to hear this, i am sending hugs to both you and your doggie pal.

Your comment regarding staying a few degrees to the side of what is really bothering you resinates with me. I found it hard, and still do, to get it (it being my trauma) 'out there' - even with my T so i just sometimes skirt around the edges. Is this what happens with you? This really didnt help with my insomnia. Are you in T so have somewhere to release and talk?

I can feel your pain regarding your doggy best friend as mine recently pased away. Its heartbreaking to watch them get older and become unwell - just love him as you do now. He will know that you love him. Whilst its hard, try to focus on the good times in the years you have had together and the fun times before he became unwell. I pray that when the time comes he passes peacefully.
Am sending warm gentle hugs :hug::hug:
Take care of yourself

 

[Ka-9]

I've been keeping myself up well past when I could've fallen asleep for a couple weeks. I have a dog that...

Hey, I'm incredibly sorry you're going through this.... I have been there many times, and it forever changed my normal life, I have 4 currently..and it seems like I fear losing them more than I can just relax and enjoy them. I fear/hate? leaving them for even a few hours...as I imagine you can fully relate.

I've seen so many people fail to comprehend the incredible bond that can be formed- especially with dogs...makes me even more reclusive, because I completely avoid people, immerse myself with dogs, horses.

I wish I had more constructive help- But I'm suffering the same way as you for 8+ years, I just try to master the "be in the moment with them" stuff the pyschologists push- but that's so difficult I find.

 

[Friday]

My dog was my best, and for a long time my only, friend. But beyond that, he was mine. My responsibility. I stopped the world for 2 months as he lay dying. I owed him that much, at least. Waiting for someone you love to die? Is an impossible thing. It exists outside of time or reason and cannot be maintained for very long. May the time you have be right. Peace to both of you.

 

[NatBird]

@coco9 i'm sorry to hear this. sending you both hugs if welcome. wishing peace for your hearts.

 

[sedna]

Thank you guys very much for the sincere empathy.

Just saying whats wrong here, and not complaining about everything else I can think of instead helped.

I was about to melt down from the no sleep. On sleep pill to get a normal pattern, taking my little guy with me to work and with him all the time. I think I was a little worried he could tell I was upset he didnt go while I was on leave of absence. I appreciate the understanding here, thank you.

 

[sedna]

Thank you guys very much for the sincere empathy.

Just saying whats wrong here, and not complaining abou...

I need to add something to that.

I'm not sure about my ability to keep sharing about this topic so just in case I wanted to say a couple more things.

I made some pretty nasty comments about my cats. I dont hate cats. Every animal I've ever had has always been in the special needs or about to be put to sleep category and I'm actually proud of my kids for being the same way.

I moved to a very strict no dog building and they only took me because they knew Roger was ancient. One look at him and it was like " oh okay " .

A) That made me feel like I was making a business deal based on his immanent departure, which felt all kinds of wrong.

B) I know that I will not have anything but cats for a long time now and I'm really a dog person.

So if my comments offended any cat people, or if you were worried Id treat these cats badly I'm sorry. If it were possible for me to engage in animal cruelty it would have happened when one ripped the side off of a $3000 chair. They run the show.

 

[Stickler]

Cats are why I get thrift store furniture.
I never intend to get cats.

:eek::eek::eek:THEY FIND ME!:facepalm:

 

[City Slicker]

Peace be with you and your dear furred one @coco9

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I think the hardest lesson in life is learning to let go. I bet you're a wonderful and caring owner, and are considerate of your dog's needs. You know if he is suffering or if he is going gently. The best way you can honour anyone or anything you love is to accept when it's time for them to leave, and help them to understand that it's ok - even if it feels like it's not.