"i'm broken"

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

every time there's a little bump in the road I remember, I'm broken, well maybe damaged is a better word or mentally unwell would probably be more accurate.

Every little thing that I think "I should (I know should statements:confused:) be better able to handle this". This physically and mentally draining distress is too much sometimes. I just want to be ok. I don't see that ever happening I think eventually I'll be able to cope with it but I'm sick to death of just coping. It takes all I've got and then some. I do so much and work so hard and something happens and I am shot in the chest and have to put everything into practice. It's so f*cking hard sometimes.

I don't know if this even is a negative core belief or being realistic. I mean it probably will always be hard and I'll always have bad days like anyone else. I am pretty broken with childhood trauma and there will be things I'll always struggle with. I just want it to be ok I want to be like the muggles and not have to police what I think about all day. Having to sit with the pain is getting boring now distraction is played out struggle feels constant. :(

 

[The Albatross]

So far as being broken... some things stay broken. Some things are as good as "new". Some things are better than they were to begin with. When you're coming from a place of broken ya got 2/3rds chance of being as good as "new" or better. But that's how my mind worked it over.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Some things are as good as "new".

I think one of the issues is I don't know what new is. I never really had a chance to develop properly and learn how to be and cope in childhood.

When you're coming from a place of broken ya got 2/3rds chance of being as good as "new" or better.

How did you work that out? I'm wondering how you came up with the two thirds it's pretty good odds mind you it's about the same odds for getting ptsd and here I am.

 

[The Albatross]

If all of the three statements are true generally... it is logic that says 2/3rds.

 

[The Albatross]

A lot to unpack but some good stuff if you're game... "Cognitive Distancing" is a worthwhile skill to acquire for belief busting. I haven't talked about it in a long time but I did pattern my recovery based on Stoicism: Dead Link Removed

 

[donethat]

If you can process each piece of the trauma, using EMDR for example.....You can uncover the buried trauma and beliefs AND discover the lies you may believe about yourself, that the trauma created.

It is not fun nor easy, but by processing each piece that comes up, eventually you will/can find some peace.

It never gets better unless we can talk it through with a trusted someone.

Hang in there
Write, if I can help

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't know what new is.

Well, I think new will be different, and hopefully surprisingly better or easier or more fulfilling or more peace-filled than now?

I think @donethat is correct, and it certainly sounds more hopeful phrased that way.

:hug:

 

[donethat]

It worked that way for me, and others, doing EMDR

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

I unfortunately can't afford therapy at the moment. The charity organisation I was seeing a councillor through it wasn't right. It felt like more harm than good and I've had a bad experience in therapy before.

My trauma is complex and I don't think I'd ever do emdr to be honest. I don't think I could ever afford someone experienced and qualified enough. I just don't think emdr is for me.

I know I need to process I know that but I'm just not in the position to do it at the moment.

@The Albatross I did try to read your link on stoicism to be totally honest it's above my head. I'll try find something a little more simplified. Or maybe I'm just a bit too symptomatic to understand and have the train of thought for it atm. I'll try again another time. It's really quite annoying how poorly my mind works nowadays.