I'm deeply depressed

[BlueWeepingRose]

After getting out of an domestic relationship, it's hard to trust anyone or take their word. I know a lot of my friends can't be here for me and I totally understand if their busy or something comes up. A few times in the past I was promised something and something came up I guess. In the end I was left disappointed, sad and left bitter once again because in the past I was always left down. My ex boyfriend used to promise me many things and he never done any of them. Sometimes he'd promised he'd call me back and never ended up calling me. For so long I beat myself up for allowing him to treat me like this. I guess I thought I didn't deserve better and my self esteem was pretty much gone at that point.

Life is really weird after you get out of an domestic violence relationship and it's pretty lonely too because you expect everyone to be there for you all the time. People have lives and people also have problems of their own. It just gets really lonely when you feel so much all the time and it's so overwhelming that you want to scream. Now I have a hard time trusting people and believing what they say sometimes because of the abuse I've been through. I'm assuming that all of this is normal and overtime it will get better. Just right now it's very overwhelming for me to deal with sometimes. My T is helping me a lot which is great and I've been getting better. From time to time though I'm so hard on myself and I feel as if I'm losing it. I wish I could speak all of these words to someone other than my T but not many people truly understand the way I feel sometimes.

The only thing I want is for this pain to stop. My trust is completely broken. Being promised so many times in the future and than none of it coming true or none of the people end up doing as they say which makes it harder. Especially if it's one of my friends or someone close to me. This is why I'm starting to hate promises because to me their "false promises" that never seem to happen. I understand sometimes people make these kinds of promises because they want to do the right thing and be a good person. I totally get that. Just when a promise is being made to me and they end up not going through with it, I end up thinking of my abusive ex boyfriend and all of the promises he made to me and never fulfilled any of them. Their nothing like my Ex but it does hurt when they don't do as they promised. This is why I don't make promises unless I'm going to end up doing it. It would be better if they said, "Maybe we can watch a movie later on, but if I get busy or held up or something I'll make it up to you." That would be better instead of saying, "I promise I'll do this." or "I'll promise I'll do that." Watched Liar Liar not to long ago and now I totally get why that little kid got so upset when his father promised him things, "But your the only one who makes me feel bad." "I'm coming over Max.... you do believe me don't you buddy?" The kid just simply turned around, looking sad and heartbroken. Anytime my Ex promised me things, I'd get that same feeling and the pity of my stomach felt empty. :(

 

[ladee]

Thank you for sharing , that took trust. Do you want some feedback? Or were you just needing to get it out?
You were heard. And life can be very lonely sometimes, seems when we need people the most. Hope you can at least find a support group in your area, or keep posting here... we do hear you.

 

[Gs172003]

I understand.

 

[Lionheart]

Thanks for sharing...

In an effort to be supportive of you I can say that;

I understand about trust being broken, lies and promises...I believe people should make a strong effort to do what they say they will and to "Walk their talk". I am sad that you were lied to and promised things that never happened, some people will let you down...

As for trust.......I don't trust easily, it must be earned with deeds. I learned that trust can be built slowly, perhaps 5% at a time.....Keep working with your "T" ....sounds like you've found a good one, if she's helping you feel better.

Lionheart777

 

[Whirlwind]

Life is really weird after you get out of an domestic violence relationship and it's pretty lonely too

I'm in the same place but with zero friends (DV isolation). I hate it because it reminds me of my childhood isolation. It is weird...and a DV breakup just isn't a "normal" breakup. Folks can't understand unless they get the DV side.

This is why I'm starting to hate promises because to me their "false promises" that never seem to happen

For similar reasons it is very important to me that people say what they mean. And no blow-offs etc. It has bad connotations for me and at the same time I get folks may not realize how important it is for me. I go weeks without real conversation ... I look forward to a chance. So! But I also realized people make priorities and I accept I may not be high on their list. So they may not be on mine.

I put alot into other people and shouldn't have....to be blunt I should have been more discriminating. So now I am doing that, and some of it means alone time.

I am holding out for true friends and taking it slow this time. In the past I may have rushed due to my happiness...and overlooked red flags. My DV marriage was one of them.

So I am enjoying activities where I can be around people and perhaps friendships will develop. I really think about my loneliness and also the good in my life now. Freedom. A chance to start again.

I wish you well,

Whirlwind