I'm Defeated

[scout86]

She accepts it happens, but doesn't know why, so how can I change it?

I actually have a couple thoughts on that. Not saying it applies to you, but it might.

I, like you, apparently, grew up believing what ever happened, what ever I thought, what ever I felt, I was "wrong". My T said to me once, "People should listen to you more often, you have lots of good ideas." I thought "WTF?" But, I've thought about this a LOT. I've concluded that there are some people, like your T and mine, who listen to everyone. Many people don't do that. A lot of people listen to the people they WANT to listen too (because they have something to gain, something like status, or membership in the "right" group). And, they also listen to people they feel they HAVE to listen to. If you aren't forceful, if you don't have much that they can see you offer to THEM, and, particularly if you don't project a certain kind of obvious "value", people blow you off because they can and don't see any reason not to. (I'm not sure that's very clear!) I can kind of see you as someone who would do that. Not because you DESERVE to be ignored, but because you expect it and others don't often see any reason not to ignore you.

What do you do about that? I'm not sure. I kind of think it has to start by believing in yourself and your own worth enough that you feel you have a RIGHT to be heard. From there, you may need to learn to demand to be heard. "The squeaky wheel gets the grease?"

 

[Digz]

I understand this must be such a dreadful and frustrating situation for you, but please, try and hang in there.
It can be terrible when you are not listened to and frustrating when you feel that way, especially when it's something so important.
However, please remember that these events such as not being listened to when you divulge such important, taumatic information as being raped, or your child being ill, can lead to the development of sort of schemas. This may not be what's happening to you, but something worth reflecting on, just in case. I guess it's like the Happiness Trap talks about with those stories your brain ingrains in you, like, one of mine, 'The I'm not good enough story', or 'I'm stupid story'. It could possibly develop, from such traumatic experiences where you weren't listened to, into your brain translating that into a pattern automatically, to make a story such as 'The nobody listens to me story'. And it is certain, there are many people out there who really don't listen, and don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you're imagining it. But if perhaps you expect not to be listened to, you would be looking to confirm that and when it happens, as it does to everyone because some people are pre-occupied, bound by rules, or maybe just idiots, then it could hit you a lot harder and feel a lot worse than it would someone else. I know I was always told as a child, that if I dared divulge my parents abuse of me, that noone would listen to me, that I was just a silly child. So, it did, it has, developed into one of those stories, which can sometimes be correct when someone's not listening to me - but for me, my story is 'Nobody listens to me'. It took me a long time to realise that isn't true. My husband and my friends and others listen, but my brain expects nobody to. Having said that, my husband doesn't listen fully all the time, but who does? That said also, when you are talking about something so traumatic, so possibly life-endangering, then you have a right to expect people to listen.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @stenni , I don't know what to say, except that I hope that the people who can help do listen; for those who don't maybe to think it's best to save your breath. Speaking to one (in the future) who understands is better than a thousand who don't. Please hang in there. :hug: Xox.

 

[Chosen]

Move to the US, get a custodial/filing/easy mind-numbing job, and get a T with a sliding fee scale?