• We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
  • Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.

I'm Normal Dammit! Oh Wait......%#&*

Status
Not open for further replies.
How do I explain to the people in my 3D world that getting up every day at the same time, and getting myself out of the house and to an office and doing work that I am fully capable of doing, is seemingly beyond me?

I'll let you know if I ever find the answer to that one!

I so badly want to just be a normal f*cking working person. I DON'T want to struggle financially, I want to be able to work and get a massive salary and just get on with life.

I'm finding that I just have to re-educate myself and move myself to doing something that can accommodate those rotten days where you are a zombie. Once again, I'll let you know how that goes too!

I guess it's all about acceptance and working within limitations. And I'll let you know how I go with THAT too! *sigh*
 
working within limitations.
But those limits are at the level of being non-functional. I really can't stand this any longer. It's the 'split' - so perfectly captured by the title of this thread, that makes things so difficult. I WANT to - so desperately, but I CAN'T! Shit, I don't know if I can do this by myself, but therapy always makes everything worse. I get anxious when I think of going out into the world and living like a normal human being. When I add the idea of therapy to that picture, I feel almost panicky. How I hate this!!

Sorry, I'm in a bit of a state right now!

And I NEED to. I need to earn more than I am earning now. I'm not just struggling, I'm drowning. I can't even pay my daughter's school fees. She needs school shoes and a school bag. And here I sit and shiver. WTF???????????????
 
Okay, my foot is in this now.

Loving you all. Specially those of you who are struggling to accept the realities of PTSD, bless your little pea-picking hearts.

Now, if I could just figure out a way to make some extra money and not lose my cool while doing it. hmmmmmmmmmmm. Heck, just a couple of years ago I was able to sell my drawings and make enough money to eat and pay all my bills in the same month. Since I can't even do that any longer, what next, huh?

I know, I can sell my body parts to science. Oops. No body wants my body parts. sigh. Oh well.
safenow
 
Bub!
Can? Worms? Yes. ;-)

Thanks for outting into words what I often experience. And thanks to everyone else on here too.

I think part of my brain has this image of me - a social butterfly, a workaholic, a single minded acheiver, tough and resilent.

Then I hit up against the fact that I can't even manage a basic interaction with a friend without serioues repercusions; I can't even cope with therapy; I can't reliably get anywhere at any given time and can be as much as 5 hrs late; my house and life is a total mess and doing anything at all seems to leave me incapacitated after.

And increasingly more frequent comments leave me shamed and self hating. Its mortifying. I can't even read a book anymore. I used to be the queen of compprehension and now misunderstand things.

Hopefully I won't end up in jail as a result of not being able to manage my basic bussiness accounts. Which entails writing things down each day and sending to accountant once a year - beyond me!

Safenow, you made me laugh!
 
Thank you, Abstract. Giggle. Better to laugh than cry is my logo. And don't worry. If you go to jail, let me know which one and I'll send you a cake with a file in it. Not for the bars, but for your nails. You will need something to do while you rest from all those struggles in the outside world. This month, my finances suck so bad I can't even put minutes on my phone until after the 3rd. Sigh.

Here is an excerpt from my journal entry this morning. I hope it can help someone:

I have spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on medical bills and pharmacy expenses. Now that I have not worked in some time, I find it even more difficult to do all that is required of me. As a first step in developing financial discipline, I suggest an exercise: Obtain a small notebook that you can carry with you. Each day for a month record all—yes, every penny—of your spending in that notebook. For each expenditure include a brief explanation along with the dollar amount. Include all of your transactions: cash, checks, credit or debit cards, electronic transfers, or IOUs. At the end of the month go back through your spending log and categorize your transactions. Total the amount spent in each category. Then ask yourself, “Did I spend my money the way I should have? What changes do I need to make in my spending behavior?”

It's a lot less expensive than your accountant, eh? Now don't that take the cake? Now that I have told you more than you really wanted to hear, know this: I'm not normally so bossy. Today, for some reason, I am very wordy. sigh. This place tends to do this to me. sigh.

Anyone got an cheese to go with my whine?
safenow
 
Don't you just love the cabin fever + agoraphobia tango?!

Not particularly, I mean it makes me want to :arghh; then :bawling:. I never thought of it as a tango perhaps the next time this happens I will think of people dancing instead of banging my head against the wall. :D


Anyone got an cheese to go with my whine?

That depends safenow what kind of cheese do you want? I mean there are many different types like cheddar, Parmesan, Mozzarella, Colby Jack, and all the ones I can't pronounce let alone spell. Also would you like it shredded, cubed, stringed, in a block, hell you could even get it in a can.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Donation drives

2026 Donation Goal

Goal
$1,800.00
Earned
$910.00
This donation drive ends in
0 hours, 0 minutes, 0 seconds
  50.6%

Trending content

Featured content

Back
Top Bottom