I'm Not Sure What To Say... I Was Raped

[Meandmyissues]

This is the first time I have talked about this in almost a year. I am 25 and was raped by a very good male friend just about a year ago now. I thought I was doing fine, but recently the anxiety and depression I thought I had worked through has come back. I find it very hard to sleep in a bed and I have flashbacks while I am at work.

The worst part is, I am in the mental health field and I listen to children tell their stories of abuse and rape. I know how to help them, but I don't know what I am supposed to do about myself. I have friends who are also in the mental health field, but I am having a hard time bringing it up to them because of how long it has been.

I never made a report about what happened to me, and I see him out and about town every once in a while. Some days I will be fine, and others I will have the pit of anxiety in my chest that almost makes me pass out. I am not quite sure why I am writing in the forum, but maybe I can find some answers for myself. Thank you for just being here.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Welcome to the forum. I think many will understand it is easier to help others more than to help ourself.

 

[reallydown]

Hi and welcome. The fact that you're here is a good start.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hi and welcome to the forum. You will find support and lots of info here.

Wen

 

[Meandmyissues]

I don't know why I am having such a bad couple of days, but I can't stop thinking about what happened. After posting last night I called a friend because I couldn't sleep. She just wanted to find the reason why I was having these anxiety issues, but I don't even know why I am having such a hard time right now. All I wanted to do was talk, and she just wanted to find the quick answer. She did point out that I never really dealt with it after it happened. I tried to be strong, because I should know how to help myself. I think that I should know these things because I have been educated, but nothing seems to make sense. I am sitting here at work, and I can't bring myself to go and get a client (I am a school counselor). I keep walking out in the hallway, almost in a daze, and then I feel myself starting to lose it so I retreat back to my office. I know all of this is normal, and that almost makes it worse for me. I know what has to happen for me to heal, but it just seems so far off for me and I lose sight. I have always been able to handle the things in life that have been thrown at me. My childhood was less than perfect, but that too I feel that I have worked through. (Maybe I haven't, because as I typed that line I start crying again.) I am so confused by all of the emotions that are being thrown at me... I like to be able to prioritize what I deal with, but right now there is no way I can prioritize anything. Thank you to all who have replied, it feels great to know I have the support when I can't rely on that from my closest friends.

 

[-m1-]

From one "newbie" to another, welcome to the forum. I hope you find some answers and help here. I know I have.

m1

 

[vst]

Welcome

Welcome from another newbie.

VST

 

[anthony]

Hi, welcome to the forum.

 

[becvan]

Welcome to the forum!

bec

 

[susane99]

Hi and welcome.

Susane

 

[Awakening]

Hello Me & My (I'm not sure how to abb. your name, hope this is okay!),

You talk about working in the mental health field as though you should be exempt from these feelings or 'know better'. I think you are being a bit hard on yourself.

What we sometimes know 'intellectually' is different from our 'felt' sense. I think you need to give yourself some time & space for your 'feeling' (body) to recover & process. Just my 2 cents!

Also, in regards to helping clients, I think if anything this awful experience makes you more qualified to help people.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Meandmyissues, You are banned from the PTSD forum. Multiple user names are not allowed. Especially so when your alter ego is posting as a stranger in your own thread. Now you see why people start in moderation, alter ego too. And the other posts do not even make it to the forum. Trust is earned here, and you blew it quite quickly. Have a nice day.