I'm Number One In My Life.

[Helliepig]

I totally get this. It's the idea of "if you can't love yourself you can't love anyone else" Loving yourself means treating yourself with compassion, respect, kindness and awe, like you'd do with someone else you totally loved. You're the only person you're with every moment all through your life so if you don't get on with yourself and get on your own side it's like a life sentence of a bad marriage!!

 

[Red Feather]

AngelaMarie, that sounds really wonderful. You are definetely number one in your life.

Chincho, I am sorry to hear you were taught that way. I was too. I had a coach for a while before I went into crisis. She taught me to put myself first because of exactly these reasons. But the other traumatized part of me was being repressed and just a few months ago, it somehow rebounded on me and I totally gave up. So many aspects of my life collapsed, and there was little I could do about and I just had to give up. I gave up on myself and on life, and reverted to the real victimized, passive and scared girl I used to be. I think it was important because how else will this part of me ever get healing if it remained in hiding? It's real hard to look at it but also comforting to know so many others are going through the same or similar things, and to see it is possible to find ways to come through it.

Kimpersonal, Yay! It really is just that. I dont understand all the inner workings of how my PTSD functions. But part of the reason that I have been having this intense relapse is to get to understand more.

Hellipeg, I think that is what I am learning at this forum. We are allowed to express all our discomforts here. That is just amazing. I always learned never to complain. But for me this forum is so helpful, because it also means accepting that part of me which has that discomfort and is in so much pain.

Thanks everybody. :) ((((hugs )))))

 

[AngelaMarie]

(((Nadia)))

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

I'm #1 in my life too! :geek: Thanks Nadia! :)

 

[Red Feather]

Okay I have to remind myself again. Breathe...

Triggered after Choir. I have social incompetence. I feel underpressure to go on a choir weekend. They offer to pay part of the costs. I ask if I can still go but it is last minute. They make the arrangements nevertheless. Chairman is disappointed. We start singing again. Panic modus. I am dissociating. Flashbacks. WTF. I can't go off on a trip in this state? Yesterday, I was just wandering through the streets and hyperventilating. I want to dissapear. I realize I have to stay till the end so that I can tell the lady that I can't go on the weekend because I'm sick. I tell the Chairman, I say thank you for offering, but I can't go. I am still sick. He looks disappointed. I am completely torn. Geez.

It is time's like this, that I can be glad to have posted this. Am I an incompetent idiot. How come I have forgotten all I have learned.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Nadia))) cber hug. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to cancel plans for something. But I always felt better for doing it. I was'nt ready and my coping skills were'nt too good. I always had a hard time dealing with the people I was canceling the plans with.

I had one friend call me a flake. That is why I used to try to explain myself to people. No more of that. I need a healthier group of people who are sensitive and understanding with good boundries. It is so hard.

At least we keep on getting back on the horse. Baby steps are huge victories. Hang in there. Interesting topic.

 

[Red Feather]

It's really really strange how one day I can post a thread like this one. And the other day I am so far away from it again. I can say to myself "I'm number one in my life," and I don't feel it at all. And instead feel how worthless I am. And even ashamed of thinking otherwise. I wonder what it is that makes something that is so natural and obvious, really hard to believe sometimes.

At least we keep on getting back on the horse. Baby steps are huge victories.

Thanks gizmo. ((((hug))))

 

[Red Feather]

So this was a while back now.... Still learning that lesson!....:banghead:

Here is a video I just found. I haven't watched much of Oprah. But found it quite suitable! The last thing the lady said just really got to me. That giving to others as a sacrifice, you make the other a thief. Geez, how much do I know what that means. And then I could feel guilty on top of it for making the other a thief, although he didn't wanna be... :dead:

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Wow, that's a great statement! The more you say it, the more you will believe it. Now, if I could just believe it I'd be thrilled.

I, long to free of my own inner critic.