Sufferer I'm Tim, A Noob, Father Of 3 Yr Old Child Having Chemotherapy

[saffy]

Welcome to the forum :)

My heart goes out to you and wish only for a speedy recovery for you precious son.

There should be so much more support for families going through this as all the family will be affected by it eh. I am glad you have found this site supportive and understanding, sometimes that is all that is needed to help go forward.

Best wishes to you all

Saffy

 

[JustBe]

You sure have had more than your share of troubles Tim. Do you have a counselor or Therapist close by? Sometimes the hospitals have Social Workers who are a good source of support. Just a thought.

I'm glad that you are finding a little peace here on the forum. Take Care.

 

[a3a2]

I am praying for you and your family, Tim, and I ache for you.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I agree with all that has been said above and just wanted to add my support as well.

Wishing you and your family peace.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((((Tim)))))))) <<< That is a hug.

Welcome to the forum. Your pain is not invisible nor meaningless. All the behaviors, feelings, and symptoms you have described are perfectly normal for what you are going through. Your whole family has been terribly traumatized. I'm so sorry for all that you and your family must endure.

It sounds like your 17 year old is a good candidate for PTSD as well, as well as your spouse. I hope you all have a good support system and counselor to help ease your suffering.

You still have many joys and happy memories ahead of you someday. Until this journey has brought you out of such darkness and suffering, please know you are not alone. There are many travelling this lonely path beside you.

May you find safety for your heart to express your pain. May you find find comfort, wisdom, and spoort, here and in real life.

 

[Brinsanity]

Tim, I wish I had the ability to give you a real hug. The feeling of loss you are experiencing is heartbreaking to hear of, it must feel impossible for you. I will be praying for your family, at the traumatic loss of a baby, the sickness of your son, and the devastation from your daughter.

I wanted to touch base on what you said about your 17 year old. It is very likely that she is suffering from PTSD as well. Teenagers don't know the right ways to express feelings of devastation. At 17, a boy took advantage of my vulnerability and when I said no, he took it anyway. I had no idea how to handle that emotion. I tried to take my life, I tried multiple outlets of pain relief, eventually giving up hope that I'd ever feel normal, or whole, ever again. I acted out, mostly by straining the relationships in my family. Blaming them for my pain, anything to keep from dealing with what was really going on.

My parents weren't capable of understanding what I went through, and tuned out to why it was happening, only focusing on my behavior. They refused to see beyond what I put in front of them, and when I came back, hoping to feel loved, I was rejected. There was no compassion there.

I challenge you to look beyond your daughter's behavior, see her pain, and offer her any love and support she will accept from you right now. If she knows you are there, and you aren't giving up on her, even when she is giving up on herself, she will know you love her. She might be able to come back from this, from her devastation and her pain, or at least come close; and when she does, she will need you.

As a parent myself, I can see why you are hurting. I want you to know that you are safe to vent here, to share your feelings about your tremendous heartache. We will support you, and give you whatever compassionate advice we can offer. You aren't alone on your journey. I hope that you have found a safe place to break down in this forum.

My heart reaches out for you, your family, and your lost teenage girl. My heart breaks for you. If you need an extra shoulder to cry on, you are more than welcome to send me a message. I will be praying for you, and your family. With all of my heart, I hope and pray that your load is lightened and your journey becomes easier. -Brin

 

[OIFvetIVAW]

Hello Tim, ill be saying a prayer for you and your family, I hope for the best.

 

[Whitneys story]

Hi Tim, Welcome to the Forum. As you have seen there are many caring, supportive friends here. Also an incredible amount of reading material on the home page. It is so unfair to have someone suffer especially your child. I am sorry for your pain. Hugs, Whitney

 

[anthony]

Welcome to PTSD Forum.

 

[Icon Nikon]

Dearest Tim,

You and you family are caught in a hellish nightmare, only none of you get to wake up in the morning and feel relief. My heart aches for you!

I admire you desire to be strong for your family, but to be completely honest if none of this questioned your sanity, then I would be even more concerned then I am.

However, the simple truth in your anything but simple reality, is that you need support for yourself and your family. You may be a man in this society that unfairly asks you to go against what your body and mind are experiencing and need.

Please do your best to toss out those socially constructed yet unhealthy views about what men are supposed to do in these circumstance. Frankly most man have never and will never lived what you have lived.

And I know that that is not easy, even if all of us on here were to surround you and say simultaneously that you are in no way weak simply because of your reactions to your seemingly daily life of trauma (loss).

I guess I might beg of you to look at things from another perspective. And maybe best to pose it as a question, as that is what I felt it as. Now that you have let yourself take that first breath, do you really believe that what you, your wife, or your children need from you is for you to be strong, thus denying not only your own anger, fear, loss, worry, heartache, grief and so on?

Or do you think that letting your family see some of your own "humanness", would allow them to feel as if it is ok to feel and express their own reactions? I tend to feel that they need "your guidance", as in clearly validating and conveying that all of your experiences and reactions are understandable and ok to share, in lieu of "young unyielding strength" as defined by society.

Of course that is just my very humble opinion or wish, as your example of not deny your feelings or your need for additional support, might just prevent these acute, and life-altering, traumas from turning into debilitating PTSD for all of you. I suppose I am asking you to ignore what you "think you should do for your family" and from you torn open heart decide how you "wish to lead you family" through such pain and agony?

I hope I have not offended you but instead remind you that where some might see weakness, others see comfort and strength.

My heart goes out to all of you!

Sincerely,
Alex

 

[whirleygurl]

Stories like these help because they make my troubles seem smaller, thus easier to handle. Thanks for sharing it. I know how hard it is to admit you're afraid, feeling out of control, etc.

I'm new here still trying to learn just what this PTSD is. I guess it's about getting the rug whipped out from under you too many times and now we're free falling. I have learned one thing and that's you can't will yourself out of it, you can't do it alone. It's just too big. Good news is that you aren't alone as there are people out there who understand.

May I share something with you? A regular counselor didn't help me. White-knuckling it and dealing with it on my own didn't work either as it caught up with me anyway. I've found a therapist who specializes in PTSD. Perhaps you can look into that? I didn't even know PTSD specialists existed that's why I'm sharing it with you.

I'm going to work hard to get a grip on that slippery slope. As I go through my therapy i will post here anything that I think might be helpful to you and the others here.

 

[Tessa]

Tim, so much grief in such a short time and no time to catch your breath. Sending caring thoughts...