I'm "too Hard"

[Zanshin]

Learning to like yourself can be absolutely terrifying. I'm trying to do it and it's not easy. Some days the best I can come up with is that I'm average - but for some days that's a significant improvement from where I started, so I'll take it.

@Ragdoll Circus - You've made it this far. You keep wanting to get better, you keep seeking help. You are much stronger than you think, and stronger than PTSD. Now go kick its ass, slowly, step by step, and reclaim life. (Note: I am not claming that kicking ass is a PTSD cure, I know how we feel about the c-word. :) But it certainly may help on your path.)

 

[ladee]

You can do this @Ragdoll Circus, it is simple. One of the signs around my house years ago , was, "How important is it?". I was working on my anger....I had them in places that I had to see them every day... one evening my ex and I had an argument, I went into the bedroom and sat on the side of the bed, trying to regain some balance, and looked up, and had one posted on my window... I started laughing, because it was so true.... I still say this to myself when things start to get wonky... sometimes I forget all together... but when I remember, it works, every single time...
So know that people are walking with you , and knowing how hard you are working.... lots of cyber hugs to you !!!

 

[Sideways]

@Zanshin -
"Learning to like yourself can be terrifying..."

Statements like that, that people relate to this...it blows me away. Thank you. It's awful that you can relate, but thank you anyway.

 

[Zanshin]

@ladee - Another excellent piece of advice, thank you.

@Ragdoll Circus - Whether real voices/memories or the voice in my head, I'm used to insults.

A compliment, though? That can bring me to tears in an instant because those happy emotions are the vulnerable ones and can so often be followed with the one-two punch of more damage when my shield is down...

But we can do it. Be strong, be gentle with yourself. Try out compliments in a safe environment to take away the harm you fear from them... Even if it's writing down your strengths as you let yourself see them. (Mine started with, "I successfully convert oxygen to carbon dioxide...")

 

[anthony]

Just remember, short, sharp, to the point, statement, one statement in lots of locations, aim for the core root of what you deem to be your worst inner self chatter, and counter it this way. Leave the damn things up until you actually start to really remember them.

You will find yourself go to your negative, but when you see and read the same thing enough, it will then sit beside the negative... and you will catch yourself in thought making a choice, the negative based on abuse or the truth of the matter as you have defined.

Its actually not bold, that's why I'm confident. This is actually the least bold method, but when you're telling me that all these professionals around you are failing you, and I'm a little shocked someone hasn't started at the grass roots level like this with you, then this is the outcome where I begin suggesting grass roots stuff to you and ask whether you have tried it.

I was actually more shocked that you haven't done this. If you're that complex, then the more complex a person is, the more basic you have to focus to start with. You can't beat complex with complex, you beat complex with the basics of simple and slowly progress upwards through techniques.

Well done for taking this one and starting your way towards changing the negative beliefs you hold. No lies, no bullshit... it takes time, but it works. You decide when you step up to the next thought because you find yourself challenging your present selection with your new reality and choosing the reality.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You have to have the basic foundations fixed in your mind in order to use them for the more complicated negative beliefs.

You sound just like my therapist...thats a bit freaky. He said just that "tell yourself that its ok to feel good today" though theres always a fight. Then he says keep saying it, you'll find that its easier and easier to believe. Believe unsure of but the fight is WAY less.

Have you ever looked at ACT? Dead Link Removed

"The authors describe effective, innovative ways to cultivate psychological flexibility by detecting and targeting six key processes: defusion, acceptance, attention to the present moment, self-awareness, values, and committed action."

Also sounds like my therapy. I had no clue thats what he was doing. I thought we were just talking...

Have you done a simple exercise using this statement, basically the counter of this, printed out on A4 pages and stick it all around your home, everywhere you look / have to look in the course of your normal day, you want to also see something along the lines of: "I am free to feel good about myself."

I know this isnt about me, im sorry...trying to get some help out of it too.

I used to do this but it was like when i was 20, well before i wasnt even out of denial let alone in therapy.

I want to do this again because im struggling like mad with changing negitive core beliefs...i cant seem to change any of them...its just an endless fight, the cult beliefs just seem so strong, and this, I think could help the fight and i do have a few things that my therapist has written on the back of his business card (he does that a lot) on the fridge but only ones that my dad and step mom wont ask a million annoying questions about. Some are in my purse but dont look at those every day.

I thought of putting them in my bedroom but i unless its on the walls (i guess i could put a dry erase board on my wall or something...just got that idea) but other than that, any ideas of where to put these sort of notes or any ideas from anyone to stop caring what my dad or step mom ask or think (or what to say to them when they ask) that notes are around the house saying little things?

I used to write little things on the bathroom mirror with dry erase marker...id like to again but I just dont want to answer endless questions.

I should just say "its my house and i'll do what I want" but the never ending questions makes my anxiety skyrocket and thows me into a blind rage/explosion.

@Ragdoll Circus im sorry that i havent kept up on this. It sounds like you have a good direction! Im so glad this sounds like its working out! You so deserve peace! :hug:

 

[Zanshin]

Screen image on your phone, desktop images on your computer?
Engraved jewelry so it's always with you?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Screen image on your phone,

MY PHONE!! Im on nothing else but my phone, i feel stupid for not thinking about that. Thank you!!!

 

[Sideways]

@lostforgottensoul - hijack away. Sometimes it's inappropriate to do that in threads...this is not of those occasions:)

You have some similar junk to mine, and a lot of the time you ask questions that I probably need to ask as well. I get a lot out of your threads.

I'm about 2 hours from finding out if I get to be discharged tomorrow, so my brain is a bit on pause, but go right ahead and keep asking what you want to ask and keep wondering out loud because it's actually helpful to me:)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Ragdoll Circus it sounds like Anthony helped you a lot! Im so glad that you get a lot out of my threads! You deserve to have peace and happiness! :hug:

Ive been trying to change the negitive core beliefs, the cult beliefs, since to blame shifted and I just cant seem to either change one or its still not small enough to change but I def think little notes will help. I think it will help me say it more to myself if its right in front of my face

I was thinking maybe set a calender task on my phone every day or even a few times a day that says little good things that would be opposite of what i currently believe about myself. It pops up over everything so thats forcing me to read it. I know my thoughts are gonna fight it but the more i say it/read it, the easier the fight is, right?

So are you being discharged? Tell me what happened. What happened with the therpist stuff? I saw where you said that one said they will keep you on but you cant SI but I got confused...though i was half asleep when reading it so i should go back through this thread. You know my inbox is always opened for you girl! :hug:

That ACT book seems cool enough that I might buy it. Books and dyslexia though...blah!

 

[Sideways]

@lostforgottensoul - thoughts are gonna fight it is an understatement!! Head is going to completely panic! It really does suck apples that you understand, but it's still a relief to me to be able to watch you make progress because it's like confirmation that it's possible for me too.

Discharge is on hold - whether that's for a day or a week I have no idea. My T and my doc seem to be having major arguments on the phone after every time I see my doctor, and I'm REALLY not a fan of friction in the team because I feel like I'm stuck in the middle and we're all wasting energy on disagreeing with each other instead of the task at hand.

Frustrated much! Anyway, we keep plugging away at it, even in the middle of a storm;)

 

[katz]

After I saw my doctor last night, she called my T and told him that she was considering withdrawi...

I'm so, so sorry that this happened to you. I can understand how hard it is because I was also "dumped". When I was unable to find/afford a T, I went to a "woman's survival center". I took a class/group for a month or so. When it ended, they T told me that "they couldn't help me" and just sent me away. I sat in the car for over an hour, just crying because it seemed that no one wanted to help me.

I thought that the "shelters" were for everyone.... how sad.