In Desperate Need Of Trauma T

[Deleted member 38906]

Hi Guys...

I'm desperately looking for a trauma therapist in Toronto Canada who knows what they're doing in regards to complex trauma, dissociation and attachment trauma. I can't seem to find anyone qualified enough in my neck of the woods.

I've been seeing an "expert" for the past few months...you know, the kind of T who supervises other Trauma T's but I ended up getting re-traumatized in one of the sessions so I cant go back. I've been out of it ever since that session so need to get in with someone real soon..i feel like im going crazy, my head feels cloudy foggy and cant seem to concentrate on anything. I'm afraid Im gonna lose my job if this keeps up.

I've asked my GP, work psychology referral services etc but have had no success finding someone i can trust with their skills. so i thought i'd ask here.

I'd be so forever grateful if someone can help out.

Thanks!

Moo

 

[chant2012]

Hi Guys...

I'm desperately looking for a trauma therapist in Toronto Canada who knows what they're doing i...

It took me a long while too to find a good trauma T. I have to drive 1.5 hours, one way to see her. She does all sorts of therapy modalities. We finally got stablized and I ended up losing my job due to my C-PTSD (due to the same things you mentioned). But it's been a blessing after all though all very stressful and traumatic too. We finally are at a place where we can maybe begin the EMDR. I'm sorry I am not of more help. Know you're not alone.

 

[chant2012]

Hi Guys...

I'm desperately looking for a trauma therapist in Toronto Canada who knows what they're doing i...

Also, what I did was googled trauma informed therapists in ___ (my state) and finally after months found one. I too have severe anxiety and panic and dissociative issues.

 

[Friday]

but I ended up getting re-traumatized in one of the sessions so I cant go back

My rule of thumb is just to take people at their word, to save time. But the word can't is one of the things that in my own life begs a few questions, and I've come to learn people mean really different things with the word retraumatization. So if you'll bear with me:

Retrauma / they assaulted you or similar?

- Can't... it's outside of your hands? (Like you've been banned from returning, or similar)

- Can't...Total loss of faith in your old T as a professional or as someone who can help you? Even with something like a referral, much less therapy.

- Can't... Would really like to, and it could be really valuable to work through this with your old T but are too ________ (afraid, embarrassed, ashamed, etc,).

 

[Deleted member 38906]

Retrauma / they assaulted you or similar?

no, i wasn't assaulted in any form...just got stuck in a dissociative state as a result of the session with my T. This was the first time i was ever getting into trauma content with any therapist, let alone her and i knew i was stressed about it so at the beginning of the session I let her know. we dived into it right away anyway, not sure why, but that's how it went. now that i think about it, it would have been wiser to discuss the stress around the trauma rather than the details of what happened in that session. anyway, when discussing the content with her i started to drift away, things got blurry etc. i let her know that that was happening, but all she said was it's interesting that you can tell that that's happening to you. she didn't really back off and teach me how to ground myself.

At the end of the session, she told me my eyes are flat and asked how much of me was in my body. I said i dont know. the session ended and as soon as i walked out i realized how out of it i was. it took my 2 days to come back down. my cognition was messed, i couldnt think straight, or follow what people were saying (for example i couldn't take down directions, my mind wasnt capable of doing that). It was a really scary experience for me cause i felt like i was gonna be stuck in that state for good. I'm good now, but I feel like all of that could have been prevented with a bit more care from her part. at least i could have been educated about grounding techniques before i left her office.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

- Can't... it's outside of your hands? (Like you've been banned from returning, or similar)

and i guess i could go back if i really wanted to, but i dont feel comfortable with her anymore. i mean trauma therapy isn't rocket science...the idea is to ideally keep the client in her window of tolerance while exposing her to trauma content until the content no longer pushes her outside of her window. in other words, if none or little affect is observed while discussing trauma, the therapist exposes more to bring out affect. if dissociation occurs as as result of that, the therapist should back off, ground, address dissociation then repeat cycle after stabilization. if she doesnt have that down i dont see the value in going back and working this out with her.

I could be wrong. open to hearing what you or others think the value in going back is.

 

[joeylittle]

I could be wrong. open to hearing what you or others think the value in going back is.

If you and she can back up a few steps, and she can teach you some stabilization skills, then I could see it working out (to continue with this therapist). It sounds like she mis-read where you are in terms of stabilization and self-management. Sometimes, unless we give the therapist feedback about this stuff, they won't figure it out - and it doesn't mean they are a bad therapist, only that some of us are well-practiced in our ability to appear quote-unquote "OK".

I would recommend at least one more session, where you discuss this stuff you've written about here right upfront, get her take on the situation, discuss stabilization and what she can offer you in regards to that.

If she engages with things like "interesting that you feel that I did not address your dissociation...why do you think you feel that way?" - then I'd say, yeah - probably not worth continuing. The issue you need to discuss - and you've laid it out very clearly here - is quite tangible, and nothing to do with cognitive distortion on your part. The only thing you may be magnifying is the idea of having been retraumatized - but even that, you were able to answer specific questions about and put into a more right-sized framework.

I'd say you can present the problem to her - she'll either keep trying to solve it through psychodynamics (sounds wrong to me) or she will express interest in learning what your experience was, and will agree that you need to learn stabilization, and will engage with you on that.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

Thanks for your advice/feedback @Friday @joeylittle and @chant2012 . I appreciate it. I ultimately decided to go with another therapist. I'm happy to say that I've found one that feels right. She is experienced, compassionate and isn't too clinical. I feel safe with my new T and I'm hoping to finally buckle down and do some serious work. Thanks again guys!

 

[joeylittle]

Glad to hear it, @Moo - thanks for checking back in :)