Inability To Feel Love...

[Frankie111]

How do other people "cope" with the inability to have loving feelings for close family members? What have your experiences of this been? Have any of you overcome this, through therapy or just on your own? I absolutely hate feeling this way.

 

[Srain]

Hey Frankie11,

This is not that uncommon, I go through this when I shut down, it's a form of depersonalizing myself and those around. I disconnect from life. It's can be a coping mechanism, avoidance, or even a protection method, and yes, you can overcome it. I see that you are a new member here. Welcome :)

There is a lot of information about PTSD and the symptoms that is offered right here on this forum. I would suggest you read up on it and get familiar with what you may be dealing with. Have you been Diagnosed with PTSD, are see a Trauma Therapist? These are things that might be helpful to you.

Take good care of yourself,
peace,
Rain

 

[Ted Moen]

I would rephrase the topic as the inability to give ourselves permission to feel love.

In the process of surviving the abnormal (traumatic) environment many of us had to learn to block out (stuff) our awareness of our normal feelings because they would have interfered with us doing what we needed to do to survive in the abnormal environment. We developed a set of strict rules for ourselves to support the blocking out of our normal feelings.

So the problem is not that we are unable to have those feelings, it is that we are unable to allow ourselves to be aware that we are having those feelings and, as long as we are unaware of the feelings while in the abnormal environment we were safe from feeling a need to act on them now that we are no longer in the abnormal environment it feels like there is something wrong with us because we don't seem to feel what we should be feeling and we long for the loving behaviors that are not there, or something like that.

So we need to give ourselves permission to feel our normal feelings, permission to let go of all those rules we developed to protect us from our normal feelings in the abnormal situation. Pretty scary thing to do! Pick a very safe person in a very safe place and do an appropriate, caring bit of behavior and allow yourself to feel everything it triggers. At first the panic and anxiety will make it very hard to feel the loving, caring feelings. Practice. Even if you can't focus at all on the loving, caring feelings remind yourself you did the loving, caring behavior and nothing bad happened. Try again. And again. Eventually the normal feelings you have learned not to let yoursel feel will start to seep through. And it will feel spectacular.

Be gentle with yourself.

Ted

 

[Anna]

Caring about people. I care deeply about people. I know to keep the equlibrium and stability I have to behave in a certain way. It is hard sometimes. I find it very hard to let people in and trust them. I know I am paranoid and hypervigilant so I think very carefully before I do or say anything as I know I could easily upset people or do something stupid.

I love my children unconditionally though. This is not a problem. The love problem I have is with a partner. I find it very hard to trust.

I am caught between a rock and a hard place at the moment though. I know my partner loves me deeply and I care about them very much. However, I find myself strongly attracted to other men. It is not love though. I would also never ever cheat. I have this weird kind of honour thing going on and sometimes I get off on being able to be controlled and disciplined with my emotions!

Positively you can see everything logically which is totally bizarre!

Frankie- It is pretty hard to learn living with it. I sometimes long for that butterfly love feeling that people have, those intense emotions. I hope one day I will have it again.