Inappropriate behaviour at school- advice?

[Lola234]

Hello,
I'd just like to know your opinion on this. I don't think this is right, and I think it crosses boundaries. Do you think it's OK for a member of a school staff (not a teacher, but an adult) to kiss a student on lips? For context, it was quick kiss, not prolonged kissing. Maybe the adult didn't have bad intentions, but the student felt really uncomfortable about that.

This is related to someone I know. I won't specify who it is, they asked me for help, and I'd need some advice. Thanks.

 

[Muttly]

The response may vary based on culture. My response, as someone from the US, was a strong "no, that's not ok."

The important thing is the student felt uncomfortable and it was an adult so there's a power differential. It should be discussed with someone within the school who can respond appropriately.

 

[Lola234]

The response may vary based on culture. My response, as someone from the US, was a strong "no, that's not ok."

The important thing is the student felt uncomfortable and it was an adult so there's a power differential. It should be discussed with someone within the school who can respond appropriately.

Thank you. I agree with you. In our culture, this isn't common. Idk, I don't kiss even my close friends on lips. The person I'm talking about felt uncomfortable and that person didn't ask them first before doing that.

 

[parrotthepolly]

No, kissing on the lips is for romantic partners from all cultures if I'm correct?

 

[Lola234]

No, kissing on the lips is for romantic partners from all cultures if I'm correct?

Yeah, in some cultures, it's also common among immediate family. But that's not the case here.

 

[Friday]

No, kissing on the lips is for romantic partners from all cultures if I'm correct?

Nope.

The overwhelming majority of cultures kiss children on the lips, a minority of cultures kiss family/friends on the lips, regardless of age. The overwhelming majority of cultures kiss strangers on cheeks, and occasionally on the lips; whilst family is nearly always kissed on the lips.

The overwhelming majority of cultures ALSO kiss strangers, friends, family, on… not. the. face. In Western Europe kissing a woman’s hand? Is absurdly FORMAL. Kissing the feet, nearly metaphorical. And yet? In both western & other cultures, you’d kiss the shoulder of a friend, the feet (or ring on an offered hand/foot) of a superior, the top of a head. Etc. I know of about 8 cultures which include kissing the penis of an infant boy, or pelvis of infant girl, as the highest or genuflections.

Kisses are INCREDIBLY cultural.

No culture I am aware of TONGUE / French-kisses friends/family/strangers UNLESS they are kids (kids stick their tongue out at everybody, across every culture I know of, and are rejected/recoiled from in order to “teach”. IE, ever spent any time around infants & toddlers who glom/maul/gooey your face with their mouth?!? ALL infants/toddlers are TAUGHT “appropriate” kissing. What shape, How much time, location, tongue, saliva. It’s taught BY the recoil/rejection/disgust when people pull back, or are various degrees of grossed out / actively NO. STOP. YUCK. Just as they are taught TO kiss in situations they themselves do not want to, or are repelled by.

 

[Lola234]

Nope.

The overwhelming majority of cultures kiss children on the lips, a minority of cultures kiss family/friends on the lips, regardless of age.

Correct.

However, this at school and it was done without asking first. I think it's highly inappropriate. I'd just like to know your opinions.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

Where I am, teachers should not kiss kids, especially not on the mouth. I find it alarming to me. But any way, if it made her uncomfortable she or someone responsible for her can definitely say that and should not have it happen again after that.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

One word, Creepy.

 

[Movingforward10]

One word, Creepy.

I’d escalate to sexual assault. It would be that in the UK.
Also, do you have mandatory reporting of sexual abuse? If you do, this needs reporting. In the UK, you would need to report it to the school’s safeguarding person and an investigation would take place. We don’t have mandatory reporting (yet).

In the UK, the staff member would likely be unable to work with children again.
There is no context , in the UK, that makes an adult staff member kissing a child ok in any sense.

 

[Sideways]

In the UK, you would need to report it to the school’s safeguarding person.

Here in Australia, you could speak to any trusted teacher, your parents, their parents, or the school counsellor.

We do have mandatory reporting, but whether the threshold is met, or what would happen next, is largely immaterial. Because that’s on the shoulders of the adult you speak to.

The big concern is whether your friend is okay. Things you can do for them, to help them process what’s happened, is be a supportive and compassionate ear. Not necessarily offering solutions for them, but offering them time and space to simply talk if that’s what they’d like to do.

If they’ve don’t want to talk about it, that’s also normal. Simply making the offer to spend time together can be incredibly helpful, and alleviate any feelings of shame or isolation that might be playing on their mind.

If they’d like support, the school counsellor is a good idea. But there’s likely online spaces they could seek anonymous support as well. There’s some good quality youth mental health forums here in Australia - ReachOut and Headspace. Kids Helpline offers anonymous phone support for youth in Australia as well.

 

[Abstract]

Correct.

However, this at school and it was done without asking first. I think it's highly inappropriate. I'd just like to know your opinions.

First for the child:
The child is uncomfortable. The child wasn't asked if comfortable with it. The child lives in a culture where kissing in the lips in this context isn't appropriate.

Then we get the kisser:
What culture is the kisser. What are the cultural norms for the kissers culture. If it isn't unusual and the kisser isn't of the culture they may not realise and may need to educated.

The other real possibility is grooming. Often abusers will feel out a situation before going one step further.

Even if that isn't the case, this is not normal within the context of the child's cultural environment and needs to be addressed.