Inappropriate behaviour at school- advice?

[Lola234]

First for the child:
The child is uncomfortable. The child wasn't asked if comfortable with it. The child lives in a culture where kissing in the lips in this context isn't appropriate.

Then we get the kisser:
What culture is the kisser. What are the cultural norms for the kissers culture. If it isn't unusual and the kisser isn't of the culture they may not realise and may need to educated.

The other real possibility is grooming. Often abusers will feel out a situation before going one step further.

Even if that isn't the case, this is not normal within the context of the child's cultural environment and needs to be addressed.

They are both from the same culture, just to be clear. Maybe the adult was raised differently, I don't know. But they told me that it happened at school.

 

[Abstract]

They are both from the same culture, just to be clear. Maybe the adult was raised differently, I don't know. But they told me that it happened at school.

Honest, no. It really isn't OK whatever the intention.

I'm assuning you are an adult in the know? Or a friend of the child? If the latter, that's harder for you. A school counsellor seems a good step.

If an adult can you approach the head of the school?

 

[Lola234]

First for the child:
The child is uncomfortable. The child wasn't asked if comfortable with it. The child lives in a culture where kissing in the lips in this context isn't appropriate.

Then we get the kisser:
What culture is the kisser. What are the cultural norms for the kissers culture. If

Honest, no. It really isn't OK whatever the intention.

I'm assuning you are an adult in the know? Or a friend of the child? If the latter, that's harder for you. A school counsellor seems a good step.

If an adult can you approach the head of the school?

Thank you. I mean, maybe the adult was raised differently and isn't aware of boundaries, but doing this as an adult in a position of a staff member? Without asking? Idk...

 

[Abstract]

Thank you. I mean, maybe the adult was raised differently and isn't aware of boundaries, but doing this as an adult in a position of a staff member? Without asking? Idk...

Not OK.

 

[Lola234]

Not OK.

Yeah I agree. But that person to whom this happened is too embarassed to tell anyone.

 

[Friday]

I'd just like to know your opinions.

That’s what I shared. My opinion, based on my experience & education.

 

[Lola234]

That’s what I shared. My opinion, based on my experience & education.

Ok? Thanks for sharing your opinions.

 

[Movingforward10]

Yeah I agree. But that person to whom this happened is too embarassed to tell anyone.

It's totally understandable the child feels embarrassed. Standing up to someone like that is a difficult thing to do.
I don't know your relationship to the child, but if you are an adult and in a professional capacity, you would have some duty to look at what you do with that information as the staff member's behaviour is abusive (in my opinion and part of the world).

Maybe the staff member has done this before? Maybe there are already complaints about them?

But, no one can force the child to report anything. Like others have said, ittaboit supporting them
I think the context of who you are to the child is important. If you are a professional, I would look at your policies and act accordingly. If you are a child, then it's about how you support another child - you don't have the same responsibility at all as an adult in this situation.

 

[Lola234]

It's totally understandable the child feels embarrassed. Standing up to someone like that is a difficult thing to do.
I don't know your relationship to the child, but if you are an adult and in a professional capacity, you would have some duty to look at what you do with that information as the staff member's behaviour is abusive (in my opinion and part of the world).

Maybe the staff member has done this before? Maybe there are already complaints about them?

But, no one can force the child to report anything. Like others have said, ittaboit supporting them
I think the context of who you are to the child is important. If you are a professional, I would look at your policies and act accordingly. If you are a child, then it's about how you support another child - you don't have the same responsibility at all as an adult in this situation.

Thank you. I told that person that they should tell someone about it, because I think it's inappropriate, but they don't want to.

 

[PamelaS]

They are both from the same culture, just to be clear. Maybe the adult was raised differently, I don't know. But they told me that it happened at school.

As a former teacher in the US, any PDA by anyone is not appropriate and consequences could follow. And that simply PDA, not kissing on the lips. Since the child was not comfortable, and the kisser did not check with the child, it’s my experience that it may be grooming of a predator. I would report it right away and have the administration deal with it. If anything ever happens with this person again, they should be removed.

 

[Lola234]

As a former teacher in the US, any PDA by anyone is not appropriate and consequences could follow. And that simply PDA, not kissing on the lips. Since the child was not comfortable, and the kisser did not check with the child, it’s my experience that it may be grooming of a predator. I would report it right away and have the administration deal with it. If anything ever happens with this person again, they should be removed.

Thank you for your response. They also told me that this person is very kind to them and they "don't want to cause them problems"- that's what they said :/

 

[Muttly]

I'm curious as to how you are doing. We've been talking about the impacts on the person you know, which is a legitmate concern. Yet, you are posting about it in a PTSD forum. It's completely possible this has stirred up issues or triggered you. Are you ok?