Incredibly Low

[Sazza]

It's me again, oh her again I hear you say yawn yawn what's she moaning about now.

Really struggling at the moment this depression isn't lifting and its crippling me, here is only place I can really say it sad I know. In real world though talking it chore I'm going into myself, my whole body doesn't want to
Move with me its on strike it's had enough. I dont really feel anything but this deep emptiness that is debilitating me. Not really sure what to do feel like if sink further going to stop functioning altogether.

When people are around I put on brave front, when I'm On my own can allow myself to be me to take mask off and with that comes the dark hole. Just don't have will or energy to force self today no enjoyment or feeling in anything anymore. I feel dead just existing !!!!

 

[Srain]

Deep Depression, at least the kind I get, isn't the kind I can just "snap out of" with a few uplifting messages and a bit of understanding, it's deep and it's debilitating. I have to get some medical help and keep checking in with my dr because it's some serious stuff. I don't know about you but I also have a long history of Suicidal Ideation that coincides with the dark side of my life, it's like a monkey on my back constantly suggesting a way out of all the heavy pain and darkness. I . I have spent literally months in this place. So I'm hearing you loud and clear and the last thing I'm thinking is "yawn yawn what's she moaning about now" I assure you!

((((((((Hugs)))))))))

I would for sure keep posting and know that you are not alone in this darkness and be yourself. I believe that by doing that you have a greater chance of seeing just what is dragging you down. If you need additional help then by all means get it. The important thing to remember is that you are not alone in this, that's my thought.

Peace and healing,
Rain

 

[KP the nut]

(((Sazza)))

It isn't something that just goes away, it is bloody hard work and at the darkest times it all is too much effort. Even getting out of bed is sometimes to much.

Be kind to yourself and try and take v small baby steps. Don't set yourself up to do to much, set yourself up to succeed. Small things, dressing, eating etc. Pamper yourself, nice body lotion works for me.

My T also had me do a book in which I had to write on a daily basis what made me happy or grateful. It was hard, but it did help. Small things like something flowering or the dogs. T had me buy a special book with a nice cover, I also bought a matching pen - I must admit I felt like a child choosing stationery. Why not give it a try - it can't hurt. It is interesting to look back over the last 7 months and see the progress.

Take it slowly
KP

 

[kimba]

Maybe give your doc a call? Sounds like the meds aren't working for you. Couldn't hurt for them to know what is going on.Please keep safe.

 

[Kim]

If I remember right you just started some new meds not that long ago. If that's the case I would give your Dr a call and let him know how you're feeling. The meds might be the cause of what you're experiencing. Antidepressants can cause these kinds of side effects if they aren't the right ones for you. It's just a thought.

Know that I'm thinking of you as well.

 

[Sazza]

Thanks rain and Kp. Your both right definitely not something can snap out of. I don't know why feeling like this there doesn't feel like there is a reason at moment, it's gradually started since the medication started. Sent me from anxious to like this with some mixed periods of both. Will give the book a whirl Kp thanks for suggestion.

Just got up went back to bed struggled get back up my body feels like led. Had bad day eating today to ate all wrong things this what happens when get low want comfort eat when I can be bothered moving.

Gp said check back in 2 weeks but she is off after next week for 2 weeks. I won't see another doctor so it playing on my mind as since yesterday things have gone downhill so waiting till beginning august long time like this. Feel need something sorting before then. It's also hard when get this point to reach out as I just want to not talk physically save energy for trying function. This is debilitating how can way struggle and feel Not be covered under DDA, my life has been constant battle with few years of stable but even them years were hard just managed alone.

It gets tiring existing and suffering, it feels like thus is worst my depression been maybe it's cause it current it's definitely a major episode though. Rain I here ya re suicidal ideatation. I have history of self harm not something I'm proud of but over the years have learnt exercise has Been the best thing for me. It's been 4 years since SH it would be easy to go back but dont see point in it anymore. I have moved on in that respect i do feel like things will never change at the moment so there are dark thoughts there but the depression is too much at Moment so
I'm ok for now on that score. Just can't stand this dark depression that is trapping me from feeling and living. I'm
Like an empty skeleton visible from outside dead inside, trying to function but just wanting to lie down and not move, not talk just exist as that's all I'm Doing at moment.

 

[Sazza]

Thanks kimba and Kim. Only seen my Gp yesterday kimba so not much she can do and the Meds seem help anxiety just not depression.

 

[Kim]

Sazza I'd be calling your Dr back and telling them that you need to be seen NOW (even if it means seeing a different Dr)!!!! I hate it when they say "give it more time". If all this has happened since starting the medication there is clearly a problem there. The medication is supposed to be helping not making matters worse for you. Not all medications are right for all people.

 

[Sazza]

I hear you Kim just scared starting again as anxiety lessened, my go did ask bout switching to fluoxetine but only cause my weight gain fears not the depression. I did state in letter sent bout it but didn't highlight it enough yesterday. If no better I will go back next week before she goes on holiday, it's just hard reach out when don't feel like talking as dark hole that deep.

 

[Kim]

I understand Sazza. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and I can relate completely to what you're talking about. During the winter the antidepressants stop working completely and it's horrible to say the least. Luckily for me I know it's only temporary and just a matter of time before I come out of it again. It's a horrible place to be, even temporarily.

I'm glad to hear that you'll be going next week if things don't improve. I'll be thinking of you until then.

 

[Sazza]

Thanks Kim really appreciate your thoughts. I to am Hoping it will pass still not done my teeth yet today didn't realise till before. I didn't get dressed till a couple of hours ago, forced myself out for half hour what a chore now back to feeling urgh thinking going out did help but took so much effort.

 

[Sazza]

Well forced myself out this morning for little jog, such an effort. I long for the enjoyment and passion I use to have for my exercise instead of having force myself. I hate feeling like this I feel like there is no point to anything simple-every day things are a mammoth task to look after self. I just want to lie down and give in do nothing, not talk not function just do nothing but exist as that's all I can do at moment exist.