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What was the absolute "low point" of your life and how did you get out of it (if you don't mind talking about it) ?

So, I'm currently going through what is undeniably the absolute "low point" of my life's trajectory so far.

I guess I'm lucky, that although life has been shitty and rough in some ways previously, I never hit rock bottom before. I guess I should be grateful that I staved it off until my late 40s, where I'm actually "competent" enough to deal with it (sort of) and that it didn't happen to me in my 20s when I was way, way lost in PTSD symptoms and didn't have a clue as to how to deal with it. And I should be grateful that late 40s is still "young enough" to (in theory) have the energy to pull myself out of this hole.

I've been watching some TED talks about mid-life crises and some people say it's a good thing to go through a major life crisis in middle age... That it's kind of a growth thing, like being a mess as a teenager is a growth thing.

So yeah, that's the stuff to theoretically feel grateful for...

In practise, I'm hating it with a passion... I'm miserable, suicidal ideation is my constant companion, everything's a painful mess, I don't know which fire to put out first, I'm numb from how awful it all is, I no longer feel like myself, I feel like I've lost so much of what was integrally important to me, that it's almost not worth the fight to try to salvage the few things that remain. I've ended nearly all of my friendships because I don't feel like I have anything worth offering in terms of friendship. I'm just existing and doing so miserably and I can't compute that anyone who's sane and not co-dependent woud want any part of this mess. Everything feels bleak and hopeless to me. Even if I could get back all of the outward things I've lost, I feel like the inner sense of loss runs so deep that nothing will ever fill that sense of emptiness again.

I could go on... I won't, because it's just more miserableness.

My point is, who's been at this juncture - the worst of the worst - rock bottom - in their past - and has recovered from it?

I need some inspiration 😛 😉

I realise these stories exist (out there, somewhere)... I guess they're not really things you talk to people about much... "What's the absolute worst time in your life?" doesn't come up much in polite conversation/ small-talk.

I know I've heard stories from people who've overcome addiction that have that theme of hitting rock bottom before you finally decide to make the changes you should've made earlier, but not until you were at rock bottom did it force you to do what was right for you.

I've also been watching a documentary series about people who've overcome incredible odds - surviving awful car accidents and learning to walk again or learning to live life fully in a wheelchair, young people with awful cancer diagnoses, people who have overcome all sorts of traum and who tell their stories.

If anyone replies to this - when you were at your absolute worst - did you have hope? Did you think you'd make it? What gave you courage? Was it the desperation? Was the sense of nothing-left-to-lose life changing? Did going through such a massive crisis make you a better person? What helpful life lessons did it teach you?

Thank you, in case anyone replies. I realise it's not easy talking about your worst time in life.
Hi Ecdysis - New here - after a break- but, arrived today, at this very candid and heartfelt post of yours.
You have a lot to offer. The deepest hurt for a supporter is when a PTSD sufferer disengages. Believe me when I say there are many who will embrace and accept the " mess" as you term it. I wrote a very detailed response to you - it vanished.I as a supporter reached out and kept trying, but when pushed away and they go MIA and on the defensive it is tragic. truly sad.
Hope you are holding on and staying strong wherever you are . Been at your juncture in a different way. Next time someone reaches in , please reach out. You are not alone - look at your friends on this community.
"A river is born when the water kisses the earth " - Brumby in the sunshine quote.
I think the best thing that helped was being told, "We'll get through this together", when there was no obligation to be helped and no immediate solution to what was overwhelming and frightening. It was surprising and consoling.

Was thinking even of decades ago, with a catastrophic event my sister saying to my mom, "What would dad do?", and she threw up her hands and said he'd say, "F*CKKKKKKKK!!!" It was funny, true, oddly consoling even he wouldn't have known what else to do, expressed how we felt to a great degree, and reminded me there can be strength when people support each other or are shoulder to shoulder especially in the thick of it.
The deepest hurt for a supporter is when a PTSD sufferer disengages.
That’s arguable.

To me disengaging / isolating is one of the easier things to deal with. Not being seen for yourself, but as a rapist or abuser or enemy? To be attacked, assaulted, and have to fight for your own life until they snap out of it? To not be able to trust the person you love not to kill themselves? Knowing that in any given wrong moment the person you love may nuke their life, and burn it all to the ground, and if you’re lucky resurface a few years later (as opposed to body being discovered; so even a homeless shelter, or prison, much less married/family/white picket fence, is a boneless relief)? Are a helluva lot harder to deal with, as a supporter.

Believe me when I say there are many who will embrace and accept the " mess" as you term it.
It was my parents,told me jail is no place to be including prison.Said I was heading that way when I was 15 if I did not change.I did listen knowing I was bottling up my problems which was getting worse.Opening up finally helped which I learned had a problem with.With me,parents discussed with me about being in the closet about something before I came out as transgender.They were right,had to open that door up including the therapist I seen for my PTSD.
My point is, who's been at this juncture - the worst of the worst - rock bottom - in their past - and has recovered from it?
I think I'm not yet ready to tell details of my lowest point. For me it's disgusting, shameful and despicable. Because, unlike previous low points, that time it wasn't just my "running away" backfiring at me but straight up hitting closest ones. I can tell my T ugly details of my SA without a blink, but revisiting those events will cause me a lot of problems, I know.
did you have hope
There was no hope, only avoidance.
Did you think you'd make it?
I dreamt of Deus Ex Machina. I didn't think rationally during that period.
What gave you courage?
I was straight up coward. I had to be pulled out. Or rather kicked off this state.
Did going through such a massive crisis make you a better person?
No. I hope I'll be one day.
What helpful life lessons did it teach you?
Don't lie to others and yourself, reach for help, don't try to solve problems on your own.
Thanks for everyone's feedback... It's been very inspirational for me to read about your strength in overcoming your biggest struggles. That does give me some hope.

I talked to my T about this issue during my last session and I said that I feel like this worst time in my life is a bit like how sometimes people addicted to drugs or alcohol have to literally get to their worst... scraping the very bottom of the battle... before they really face up to their issues and turn things around for the better.

I'm still not at the point where I'm "grateful" this has happened or where I'm "seeing the positives" but I'm starting to get a vague sense that maybe there's something good about all my old maladaptive coping strategies failing in one cataclysmic clusterf*ck of my life falling apart... because I held on tight to those old coping strategies for as long as I could to get by...

So maybe a glimmer of light at the end of this shitty, miserable tunnel...?