General Info to Read? Brother Could Have PTSD

[Jen]

Anthony.
A question I want to send some info down to my brother to read I really feel he may have PTSD after disclosing what happened to him as a child and all the drug and alcohol abuse he has gone through. Is there any reading material that you can suggest nothing to deep as he has a short attention span:smile: He is not on internet. I was talking to him tonight and told him I will send something down to him. They have prescribed some pills to him that when you drink alcohol they make you feel sick? And they gave him valium AGAIN I couldnt believe it after he OD last week on them. His partner got them off him.
Thanks Jen

 

[anthony]

Jen, I would suggest the best approach, would possibly be for you to question him over the phone instead, ie. discuss with him to answer you honestly, then even prepare yourself and use what you know from your relationship to poke further. If he has a significant traumatic event, and is acting in all the ways you know to well yourself as a spouse, use your experience to pull the truth from him about himself. Then use that to decide whether he is a prime candidate or not.

If all else fails, just print of the PTSD Diagnosis from my signature link, send that too him and get him to fill it out in pen, then send it back to you or tell you his marks over the phone... or just use that to even question him and gauge your own assessment. The PTSD assessment might also help, as that is more tricky and manipulative into gaining whether a person could have PTSD or not....

http://www.vvaa.org.au/experience.htm

The above link is from a veteran perspective, however; disregarding that part of it, it is one of the most precise pieces of writing I have ever read in regard to identifying one's PTSD or not. If he says it sounds like him, apart from the military component, begin to worry. You can actually get this from Elizabeth (if she is still at the PTSD center), as she will have a copy around.

 

[Jen]

Thanks Anthony I had a talk to him tonight on the phone he sounded pretty bombed I asked what he has taken he said they have got him on
anti depressants ( his partner is controlling his pill taking) I will print out the PTSD Diagnosis and talk to him about it. He said they are going to put him in detox for a week then he is starting a program up in Maitland for 2 weeks I am not sure what this one is it is up at some clinic in Maitland.
Thanks Jen

 

[Jen]

I was a bit hesitant to talk about this as it may be upsetting to people who can relate to this situation.
I am having a real problem understanding why my brother (who is now 36) but at the time when he was being molested by the boy across the road in our hometown was about 9 years old.
I cant understand that if someone who you look up to does something to you which is not right why do you go back why would he have wanted to go to this kids place again?
He was telling me that one day he went to this kids place the kid was about 4 or 5 years older than him and he took a birthday present to him he said the kid took the present and told him to go home as he left and walked down the stairs the little asshole and his younger brother stood there laughing and pissed on him ( sorry about the language this has been on my mind) I need to get this out! Why would you want to go back when you are treated like that??
I hope I havent upset anyone to much but you seem to be able to get answers here I cant understand I know in sexual abuse it doesnt seem to be the one time it happens to the victims the poor buggers cop it several times?
Thanks for letting me get this out it is on my mind I just am looking for answers.
Jen

 

[becvan]

It sounds like your question is why is someone that was victimized a victim more than once? Is that what you are asking? Or are you asking why the victim would go back?

Both really have the same general answer. When someone is assaulted, they are treated as an object, humilated, hurt, ashamed etc.. The victim usually takes these messages from the act into themselves. This makes them more vunerable to subsequent attacks. Hence why rape victims are 7% more likely to be raped again. Also, victims are controlled through fear, power, manipulation and violence to do as the perp says. Many, many, many victims are assaulted over and over again over periods of time. This is very common and is in NO WAY to victims fault.

I hope that answers your question. I was a little uncertain if that is exactly what you meant...

Bec

 

[Deleted member 3]

Jen,

These situations are often about a power ratio, where the power of the situation is in the hands of the perpertrator. Usually these people are highly skilled at manipulation and tell all sorts of lies to coerce people into acting in certain ways or participating in activities. All children are vulnerable, at any age and its hard to know what tactics this sod used to coerce your brother into the situation. Like I said they are usually highly skilled at manipulation and your brother at such a young age may have felt like he had no choice. Its a sad dynamic when vulnerable children get to a stage that they don't realise there are alternatives. Child abuse, of any kind, bites me hard.

I feel for your brother.......30 odd years is a long time to be carrying this burden. Hopefully now he will now get the treatment and the help that he needs.

 

[Jen]

Yeh Kerri Anne the more I think about this family who this kid belonged to they were a lying deceitful bunch you dont see it at the time but looking back I can now see it.
My brother is going to have a hard time of it for a while I feel. He is undecided as to tell Mum and Dad about it as it would explain a lot of his behaviour problems. I know Mum and Dad and my sisters we couldnt understand why he was such a bugger and his behaviour was so different to the rest of the family.
I dont know how Mum and Dad will go if they find out about it I know they will be devasated but it will give them a lot of answers:dontknow:
Jen

 

[Jen]

It sounds like your question is why is someone that was victimized a victim more than once? Is that what you are asking? Or are you asking why the victim would go back?

Hi Becvan
Thats what I was asking. Thanks for explaining that I am slowly but surely starting to understand this situation I think it is going to take time.
Thanks Jen

 

[Deleted member 3]

Yeh Kerri Anne the more I think about this family who this kid belonged to they were a lying deceitful bunch you dont see it at the time but looking back I can now see it.

Abuse has to start somewhere Jen. Often those who abuse have been abused themselves, not that it is an excuse in my mind. Somebody has to take a stand and stop the cycle somewhere. Unfortunately its all too often used as an excuse for refusing to acknowledge your own pain and getting of your ass and doing something about it. If you look at it in perspective, its probably a good thing that you brother fell over but was caught in time. He has no excuse now to ignore the pain and anguish that this abuse has caused him.......hopefully it will the catalyst he needs to start him healing. It will be a tough journey but we all have our tough stuff to sort out, its just a bit harder for some than others. I like to believe that the man upstairs never gives us more than we can deal with - although I sometimes wonder at this logic!!

Hope you are well and hubby continues with the course. Day one has to be one of the hardest. Take care of you.

 

[Jen]

Hi Kerri Anne yeh I am not really confident that my brother will get through this relying on drugs and alcohol to get him through the day has been his life for a long time. He really will need to find some inner strength. Thanks for you support I wish I could stop my brain for a while but it is constantly on the go.
Hubby has been pretty quiet the last couple of days not eating much.
Wouldnt it be nice to just switch off for a while and take a deep breath!
Jen

 

[Jen]

Just been talking to my brother tonight he has been drinking again. Him and his partner are ringing detox centre tonight to see if he can admit himself I hope he does.His partner said tonight that he is really down again tonight I got him on the phone and he tries to sound ok but I can tell he's not. He said he has been having the worst nightmares. He said he is sick of waking up feeling sick after drinking. Gee I hope he gets himself into this centre fix this problem so he can deal with his other problems!
Jen