Instead Of Wanting A Mate, Thanking God For Being Left Alone?

[JustBe]

I am a chronic nurturer. Users of all species can see the neon schmuck sign plastered onto my forehead. Dogs follow me home, men that desire a woman to support them financially and wait on them hand and foot immediately recognize me as desirable.

:laugh:Me too! :speechless:

 

[Sues]

I am feeling the same way- so happy to be away from him and FREE!!! I thank God every day that I got away and that I don't have to see him or listen to him. I have no desire to ever be with anyone ever again. So many people don't understand this and keep trying to tell me that I need a man. They have no understanding of what I went through, how bad it was, or how thankful I am to be away from it.

 

[ms spock]

Instead of wishing and praying for a partner like a single woman is supposedly supposed to

I could be wrong but I thought we had moved on from a time when single woman was meant to want a relationship. Am I out of touch?

 

[mamachick]

I love being single, not dating, and not having to put up with the bs that has gone along with relationships that I have been in. I love sleeping alone and living on my own schedule and terms.
What I dont like is that because I am unable to work at preset (both physicaly and mentally), its very hard to afford the basics let alone any pleasures that money can buy.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Unfortunately we really aren't that far removed from the "a man makes you happy" line of thinking!

I too like being by myself, but I'm seen as an oddball. I hate being told how I'm holding the actions of a few against every man. Well, it's not so simple when I keep on meeting the rotten ones who have no respect for my boundaries.

 

[Sues]

I'm in the US, and I think society still sees women alone and thinks, 'oh, poor thing. She'll end up old and alone with a bunch of cats to keep her company'. BS!! I'm gonna be out having fun doing stuff!

 

[Shellbell]

I too assumed to be 'normal' I had to get married. Now I often think I should have stayed alone. Then I would only have me to be affected by the PTSD and wouldn't know I'm a failure in my marriage.

I wish in my 20's, I had realised that being alone is okay and I didn't need a man in my life.

I think it is absolutely okay to decide to stay single for various reasons. And it takes strength to do that too.

 

[mamachick]

Shellbell, without experiening being in that relationship, Im not sure I would appreciate the aloneness. Even when they are not bad people (my ex sat with the remote in the same sweat shirt and pants day after day) doing nothing unless I asked. Like he had no interest and no direction. I was very lonely in marraige and now I am not, as I dont expect conversation. If I do feel like chatting, I have adults I can visit with.

I havent forgotten those head over heals in love experiences either, the exciting and comfortable at the same time. They turned out to be the most deceptive and dangerous over time.

I dont want to be one of those bitter women. The best way for me to avoid this is to have a couple of good male friends (no benefits) to attend the symphony or a play with. Not ideal maybe, but it works.

I dont want to share my bed. I dont want any man stink in my bathroom. And I want to eat when I am hungry, not when he is hungry.

I dont feel so much that society looks down as I do feel that men see single women as a target at times. They agree to friendship and want more, offer to help with something I cant do alone, and really dont. One of my friends has had the same man to come and fix her toilet 6 times this year, fixing the guts instead of replacing them. She finally called the plumber, it was easier and cheaper than the 6 lunches she fed the bum.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

What are single older men? Bachelors!!

What are single older women?......no term comes to mind other than spinster, sadly.

Yes, times have changed, but not enough, I'm afraid. I think I'm fortunate to have two aunts who married young and divorced because nobody ever pitied them. It wasn't like "oh, poor single aunt so and so"...nothing of the sort. So on that side of the family, there's much acceptance. It's my mom who bad mouths them and lays it on me about how she worries about me because I'm single, no boyfriend, no husband, blah blah blah.

I can't help but wonder how many people are attached simply because they hate to be alone. I'm fine by myself as I can make my own fun.....perhaps because I was an only child for so many years? Don't get me wrong, it sucks to be totally alone 24/7, but I won't settle for someone just to be a part of a couple.

And then there's also the issue that most people can't deal with my PTSD episodes. Why continuously put myself up for rejection, heartache and pain when I don't have to?

 

[JustBe]

I wonder sometimes if I am broken or just made differently because I do not crave attachment to a significant other any more.

I have lived alone for my entire adult life and even when the kids were here, I isolated as much as possible from other adults.

Now that my boys have been on their own for over three years and it's just myself and the critters, I am never lonely or discontent with our solitary life.

When I do have to spend time with other people I find it exhausting and bewildering.

 

[Nadege]

I do not want to come off as some kind of asexual creature who has no need for male affection or intimacy. I'm only 33. Unfortunately my life with an absent father and all kinds of abuse from men and boys left me uncomfortable with men, I am tense and on guard around them.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

I love the thought of not having to cater to people who don't understand what it's like to have PTSD. I can crochet, clean my house, get rid of stuff I don't want or need, volunteer, and just be with me, my ghosts and my cats.