Instead Of Wanting A Mate, Thanking God For Being Left Alone?

[Nadege]

Can anyone relate?

Instead of wishing and praying for a partner like a single woman is supposedly supposed to, I find myself feeling so thankful that I'm alone in my bed, no one hurts me, no one calls my phone, etc.

Today was a beautiful Sunday. I woke up and looked around admiring my room which I recently refurnished and it looks so adorable now. I laid down my pretty micro-dry mat, got down on my knees in front of my pretty prayer corner, and my prayer went something like this: Thank you Lord for everything I am blessed with... food to eat... job... this nice room... (etc etc)... and that there is no man in my life to abuse me... I'm home safe...

For those not familiar with my story, I was sexually assaulted as a child, then when I grew up and got married, my ex-husband somehow performed sex so that it was horrible, painful, and he just had no idea how to do it right, or maybe not with me... Now I'm realizing that we really did not know each other, we were strangers who got married for the wrong reasons. Anyway, I haven't been with anyone after him, it's been a few years and I'm 33 now, but instead of wanting a new husband, I shudder at everything that has to do with sex, and I wear a silver band on my wedding ring finger... I mean, this is not normal, right?

And I don't "hate men" or anything, I have no issues with men and relate to them normally, I even enjoy and appreciate their little gentlemanly courtesies, as long as they do not try to invade my territory, hit on me, touch me, etc..

 

[Philippa]

I've had many years of enjoying these same simple pleasures in life.

Now I'm sick of being alone, but I still do appreciate having the whole bed to myself, and not having to 'do' the whole text relationship thing. It's more peaceful, but I crave cuddles, and my kitten is very good at making me forget al that when she starts being playful and attacking my feet.

I did try and have a guy over a few months ago, but it was too weird and I gave him the F off vibe when he was in my bed. He literally got up in the middle of the night, got dressed and left without me even having to say a word. He just felt that I didn't want him there anymore.:D

So yeah, I get where you're at completely. Enjoy it...you're free. YAY.

 

[Nadege]

Philippa, that's what I hear - cats are like medicine for the nerves!

 

[Philippa]

They sure are. I was having wicked anxiety earlier, and then April popped her head up and jumped on me and wanted to come and sniff my face and do a little twirl, flash her tail at me and then run off with a trill sound that she makes when she is being crazy...and everything just melted away and I couldn't stop grinning. I smile so much when she's around me.

Ah cats. Woman's best friend.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I don't understand why you think enjoying being single is not normal.

I'm single for similar reasons. Having repeated the pattern more than once, I really do believe that I need to sort out the side of myself that attracts abusive men.

I imagine that if/when I do meet someone interested in intamacy, they will have to be a very understanding and self-secure person that will walk with me through the healing stages of being intimate again.

 

[Philippa]

That's the same reason I chose to stay single for so long. I need to work this pattern out and replace it with something more life affirming and better. I't sbeen about 5 years though and I'm starting to think it will never happen...

 

[JustBe]

cats are like medicine for the nerves!

True! My cat purrs like a Mac truck and is toasty warm curled up under my chin all night long!

As for men...I swore off relationships in 1992 and haven't looked back!

 

[Philippa]

I pretty much did the same Movin'On, though I have been feeling like opening to one lately again. I've managed to forget how much crap is involved, but I've also forgotten the good stuff too, and I want that part again. Maybe this time for keeps because I can't handle the break up pain and bullshit.

Maybe that's the real meaning behind the idea of commitment...to just work on it so you don't have to go through the break up stuff.:laugh:

 

[JustBe]

My parents have been married for 62 years. There were hard times and a lot of sh*t in the middle, but they truly Love each other and now are each others best friend, companion and life partner. It is worth it if you have the strength.

I say Go for it Philippa!

 

[p-no]

I can so relate, Nadege. But there is this last grain of hope that has me try again; this time knowing though that I can call it off at any time.

But yes, I too would give (am giving?) up a lot of good. I don't know if it's worth it.

The other day I listened to a song that said it all. I'm going to quote it tonight for you to read here. I think you might be able to relate. And it is those lyrics that have me not get in fully yet, because they have clearly shown me what it is I'd be giving up.

Hugs, enjoy your life!!!

 

[p-no]

Here's the song. It's German so this is a (quick) translation:

Genuinely Happy
- by Tiemo Hauer -

I have accomplished what I have wanted to accomplish
And I have showed what I have wanted to show
I have lived and I’ll live on
Having fun while making my way up

I am genuinely happy, I really am free,
Genuinely lonely and genuinely real
I am genuinely happy
Genuinely happy, genuinely glad
Genuinely tender and real anyway
I am genuinely happy

I always wanted to be like you
Maybe you’re listening to me right now
But everyone follows their own path
The way that fate leads us our way

You’ve always tried to persuade me
But I never wanted to bow to mainstream acceptability
And I’m glad I actually didn't
‘Cause if I had, I would not have come this far

 

[TxGyspy]

I've finally come to the point that I know I will probably be single for the rest of my life. It took a long time to finally get this through my thick skull. Neither of my ex-husbands are good for me to live with, though I'm still friends with both.

I am a chronic nurturer. Users of all species can see the neon schmuck sign plastered onto my forehead. Dogs follow me home, men that desire a woman to support them financially and wait on them hand and foot immediately recognize me as desirable.

One of the biggest impediments to my possibly entering another relationship is my PTSD. When I meet someone new, I have to explain about my symptoms and my trauma. This generally puts me in bed for a few days and takes a week or better to get to feeling somewhat normal again. Add into the mix that I'm middle aged and opinionated.....I know when I am doomed.

While riding on a Poker Run with 3 guys I'm friends with...I realized that doing things like that help meet that need for male companionship. It helps.

I'm allergic to cats....sigh.