Still applies.....
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Intentions & Assumptions When Replying To Posts
- Post starter EveHarrington
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- #26
anthony
Founder
Unfortunately some people just don't think... report, report, report, don't fret over it. Report with the reason and staff will thread ban such users when the OP requests a thread stay on topic.
My suggestion, write it in the opening, that way anyone who derails your thread gets removed from it on reporting the post.
We're well aware of primary offenders and don't hesitate to action those members when we see their names repeatedly.
It is in the OP's hands, always has been. If you want specifics, then request a thread be kept on topic, otherwise, don't and let it take the natural course of conversation. Either way, OP's choice.
Last edited:
joeylittle
Sponsor
Anytime anyone starts with "I'm not pointing fingers, but I think we all need to be aware of..." - it's going to be bad news. Why? It's a purposeful attempt to correct one individual's behavior through a veil of 'for the good of all'.
You - the collective you, everyone who is a member of this forum - are here to work on your mental health. Not your neighbor's mental health.
We often benefit in our own mental health from exchanging ideas with, giving support to, and challenging our peers who struggle with the same illness. Not always the same issues, but the same illness.
We do this as part of our own, individual recovery processes.
I'm taking this as an opportunity to say this to anyone reading this. @EveHarrington, you have given me an opportunity to make the point - but I want to be very clear, I'd make this point regardless of who brought it up. It's actually been happening in a number of threads lately, this 'we should all' kind of language - and it's never, ever going to be effective. I've been thinking about addressing for the last 48 hours.
Change happens at the individual level. Boundaries can be set for a group; change is individual.
You want to see a group change it's behavior? Change yourself. Speak for yourself.
Recognize that you have an illness, and that PTSD and it's playmates can and will interfere with your ability to regulate your emotion and expression. When you are getting hot, take a break, work on your own response, and come back.
At the end of the day, you and you alone have complete and absolute choice in what you think, feel, and do. You and you alone.
Again: the collective you. Us. All of us. We all, individually, have the ability to modulate our responses. Members who cannot modulate their responses do end up getting warned, temporarily banned, and then permanently banned. If you've ever wondered what the real criteria is for removing someone from the community, it's this: a consistent demonstration of the inability to eventually regulate response. I say eventually because, everyone gets hot. Everyone gets upset, pretty much. And that's just part for the course, and it's not an issue - so long as you can eventually, when requested and in a reasonable amount of time, come back to yourself.
This thread will stay locked - I don't think there's any more productive discussion to happen here. I will be opening a thread, probably in Help Desk (but I'll provide a link, once it's going) to have a proper place to have my content debated, as needed. I think that's always appropriate and helpful.
Meanwhile: I will encourage everyone and anyone reading this, to please PC me with responses to anything I've written. I know from much experience that sitting on an issue allows it to fester, and I'm saying right here and now: don't let this fester and become bigger in your mind than it is - any of it. You can write me, it will stay confidential and nonjudgmental on my end. Or, feel free to allow this to go. Letting it go is honestly just as easy as choosing to. It's not so easy with the past, with the trauma, with the ingrained cognitive patterns. But this, here? This one moment in time? You can let it go.
You - the collective you, everyone who is a member of this forum - are here to work on your mental health. Not your neighbor's mental health.
We often benefit in our own mental health from exchanging ideas with, giving support to, and challenging our peers who struggle with the same illness. Not always the same issues, but the same illness.
We do this as part of our own, individual recovery processes.
I'm taking this as an opportunity to say this to anyone reading this. @EveHarrington, you have given me an opportunity to make the point - but I want to be very clear, I'd make this point regardless of who brought it up. It's actually been happening in a number of threads lately, this 'we should all' kind of language - and it's never, ever going to be effective. I've been thinking about addressing for the last 48 hours.
Change happens at the individual level. Boundaries can be set for a group; change is individual.
You want to see a group change it's behavior? Change yourself. Speak for yourself.
Recognize that you have an illness, and that PTSD and it's playmates can and will interfere with your ability to regulate your emotion and expression. When you are getting hot, take a break, work on your own response, and come back.
At the end of the day, you and you alone have complete and absolute choice in what you think, feel, and do. You and you alone.
Again: the collective you. Us. All of us. We all, individually, have the ability to modulate our responses. Members who cannot modulate their responses do end up getting warned, temporarily banned, and then permanently banned. If you've ever wondered what the real criteria is for removing someone from the community, it's this: a consistent demonstration of the inability to eventually regulate response. I say eventually because, everyone gets hot. Everyone gets upset, pretty much. And that's just part for the course, and it's not an issue - so long as you can eventually, when requested and in a reasonable amount of time, come back to yourself.
This thread will stay locked - I don't think there's any more productive discussion to happen here. I will be opening a thread, probably in Help Desk (but I'll provide a link, once it's going) to have a proper place to have my content debated, as needed. I think that's always appropriate and helpful.
Meanwhile: I will encourage everyone and anyone reading this, to please PC me with responses to anything I've written. I know from much experience that sitting on an issue allows it to fester, and I'm saying right here and now: don't let this fester and become bigger in your mind than it is - any of it. You can write me, it will stay confidential and nonjudgmental on my end. Or, feel free to allow this to go. Letting it go is honestly just as easy as choosing to. It's not so easy with the past, with the trauma, with the ingrained cognitive patterns. But this, here? This one moment in time? You can let it go.
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