Intentions & Assumptions When Replying To Posts

[Kintsugi]

I understand what your saying but that brings up issues

Does it? I'm not sure what you mean.

It seems to work well. The one time I deviated from that procedure (by getting involved without the OP asking), I was in the wrong for doing so, and fallout occurred.

Using the report button saves everyone time and frustration in the long run. I promise. :)

 

[Snowflake]

@scout86 :tup:

I dunno...we have moderators, report buttons, and different pers...

Does it? I'm not sure what you mean.

It seems to work well. The one time I deviated from that proc...

Okay

 

[Casey_03]

I have been holding back from saying this because I don't want to come off as confrontational or combative and I do understand the point of this thread, and I get how frustrating it can be when you post a very sensitive thread only to have it get derailed when other people veer off. But I think you have gotten so upset about this whole thing and maybe even triggered by your thread that you have lost some self-awareness -- I personally asked you in one of my previous threads to stay on topic before and you slammed me for supposedly not being able to handle dissenting viewpoints, as if I was some tyrant trying to control my thread. And I definitely saw you veer off in someone's thread just the other day and get involved in a verbal spat with another user, all the while derailing the OP's thread even when the person you were arguing with had expressed a desire to let it go and back down. So, I get your point but I feel like you might want to apply this rule to yourself as well, if you're going to ask that everyone on this forum abide by it. Or, maybe it's worth considering that you're actually all worked up because of the content of your thread and this is really just a way of avoiding or distracting yourself from it? Maybe, I don't know. Worth a thought.

 

[Snowflake]

Okay

This is eveharringtons post-I want her to be okay-not me

 

[Recovery4Me]

Thank you for voicing what I couldn't.

((((hugs)))In response to your quote and your post as well above...
Everyone is allowed to feel OK on the board: one feeling OK does not subtract from another party. See, it has been tricky for many of us to learn to voice our thoughts. I am proud of everyone that tries to do so. That is what has made this board so vital to me as well as some others. We have a voice and it is listened to.

Much warmth to all the posters on this thread and @EveHarrington

 

[shimmerz]

I feel like I've been put through the ringer because I made a request for my own thread with a very sensitive topic to stay on topic as I felt like my own voice was getting drowned out repeatedly----

I wonder if it wouldn't be a better idea to assume when people have gone off the mark with a thread that you want a specific answer to a question to, that you weren't clear enough in your posting of what you want people to be responding to. For instance, if you are noticing that people are going off the rails,

"Please respond specifically to this question" and then state a crystal clear - can't misinterpret it, question. Hard right? Now think about how hard it would be to answer in a crystal clear way, if the OP can't even figure out the question in clear terms.

Best still if you frame the question as a Yes/No response. Why not take a poll? Answer can be a) b) or c) (to infinity) but CAN'T be anything else.

Or, there is always the option that you get so wound up that you alienate everyone and nobody responds to your questions because they are afraid of the backlash. Then there will be no white noise answers. Problem solved.

Now, can we put this all to rest? Be friends or decide to have a hate on for one another? Make a decision and either let it go or leave it in the hands of the mods?

BTW, I have no idea what thread we are all talking about .... and don't want to know. I have healing to do. I don't have time for drama distraction stuff.

 

[Snowflake]

I think everyone is entitled to their thoughts and feelings . We are all at different stages of healing and have different backgrounds. We should respect and validate feelings. Not put someone down or make them feel less for what they feel. I do not know the post that is being discussed either but I am proud of @EveHarrington for saying how she felt whether we agree or not . She spoke and that's a good thing!!!! Because maybe once upon a time she couldn't or didn't.

 

[shimmerz]

There is a difference between speaking up to get to a positive solution and speaking up in general. We all know what we are supposed to be doing if there is an issue with a thread. For crying out loud, I have heard about it so much that I have dreams about it! Hit the report button! Let the mods take care of it. This is just an add fuel to the fire that already exists thing. Enough already.

 

[EveHarrington]

I know I'm not perfect. This thread wasn't about pointing fingers and blaming other people. I know I have taken threads off topic myself. Rather, I am saying this so that we can all be more cognizant of what we post.

I am referring to two situations in particular although I've seen it happen more than this. One shall remain private as its not my place to out the other person------however this person was distressed about a LOT of off topic posting in their own thread and didn't want to upset anyone by saying anything. It was obvious that there was off topic posting that had nothing to do with the thread and the persons voice was getting drowned out-----in their own space (not guessing; confirmed).

In my thread I specifically asked to stay on topic. (Desire Sexual Punishment) Mods stepped in. The conversation continued only to have the exact same person go off topic and even joke about going off topic. (The person deleted this so its no longer visible.) I have a hard time asking for help. I have a hard time setting boundaries. If I ask for my thread to not veer off topic and it continues to happen with the creation of side topics, then yes I am going to get upset. (Exact same person going OT after requested not to------this is where my issue lies------not stopping the behavior even after requested------we all make mistakes, it's part of being human. Rather when someone doesn't heed the request-------this isn't really fair, is it?)

Again, I am not saying I'm perfect. I have made mistakes in the past and yes I am sorry. However I don't think it does anyone any good by writing this off as solely an "Eve" issue because I'm not perfect myself. (On that token, only God himself can offer advice----if you believe, if not, nobody can offer advice-----because nobody human is perfect.) I know I am at fault too. This is more of a post for us all to be more aware.

When my voice is smothered, I act out. Yes, I know this about myself. I'm just asking that we all-----myself included--------be wary and sensitive to the topic at hand and the desires of the OP.

 

[shimmerz]

I see an unfortunate pattern on the boards. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone.

BTW, I have no idea what thread we are all talking about .... and don't want to know.

In my thread I specifically asked to stay on topic. (Desire Sexual Punishment) Mods stepped in. The conversation continued only to have the exact same person go off topic and even joke about going off topic. (The person deleted this so its no longer visible.)

Sorry, based on these statements, I don't buy that. I obviously now KNOW who was involved and where. Doesn't change my feelings towards either one of you. No side taking here. I am just saying what I see. You may want to think about why you felt the need to clearly point out something I stated I didn't want to know. That seems passive aggressive to me. Why would you insist that I know when I specifically told you I didn't want to know? Why is it my business?

However I don't think it does anyone any good by writing this off as solely an "Eve" issue because I'm not perfect myself.

I think you may want to consider this as being a clue to your healing. Who would actually write this off as an 'Eve' issue? Why does that matter to you?

When my voice is smothered, I act out.

Or when you perceive your voice is being smothered. Two different things. Again, wasn't involved in the thread so have no idea what actually happened and don't care. Do you have any idea of what you and I have lived through? We are warriors for crying out loud. Are you really going to waste a day on this? Or two days? Or more?

I'm just asking that we all-----myself included--------be wary and sensitive to the topic at hand and the desires of the OP.

Excellent. And you did that. Now.... can we move onwards and leave this behind us? Can the two of you realize that this is a minor, minor issue compared to what you are both facing and make up or hold a grudge or work towards the ever elusive happy medium of somewhere in between?

 

[Mallaky]

I am just saying what I see. You may want to think about why you felt the need to clearly point out something I stated I didn't want to know. That seems passive aggressive to me. Why would you insist that I know when I specifically told you I didn't want to know? Why is it my business?

You assume too much intent.
Which is exactly what both partys did to get us to this point.

 

[EveHarrington]

@shimmerz

You made a bold assumption that I was replying to you. I was not. I did not quote you not did I call you out with @

My reply was a reply to the thread in general.