Intro

[greginthesand]

Hello,

I am career military, still active duty, senior enlisted, OIF, OEF. Generally very private with a very small internet presence; however, this looks like a good forum and I'm in one of my more hopeless moods today. My current struggles include:

-days off are always bad.
-consistent sadness, haven't been excited about anything in a few years.
-anger at and a desire to check out of society.
-headaches pretty much everywhere except at home and work.
-outrageous startle response (doesn't help I'm currently artillery).
-drinking way too much way too often.
-don't know if I dream but wake up every morning feeling like crap. Could be the drinking I guess.
-on my 4th wizard in a year.
-currently trying decide if I just need to accept that this is just going to be it from now. I can't see how to change it.
-worst of all I really don't think I should feel this way, I'm ashamed and guilty. Don't want sympathy or pity.

Luckily for me I have been married a long time and have a very understanding wife. Don't know what I would do otherwise.

Quite sure I'm preaching to the choir here.

R,
Greg

 

[Zipperhead]

Evening Greg

 

[Spock]

You're with family here Greg...I'm new too but know folks here know our pain. Look around and you'll see some posts of shared wisdom. If you're still active, make sure you are documenting everything. I retired last year.
ColA/out

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome Greg, your symptoms and feelings are all too familiar to the majority of us, so your not alone.
Have you actually had a diagnosis yet? Just interested what the doc's have said.

Once you find the right regime for yourself be it medication, therapy or whatnot, you will find the majority of the symptoms ease a little. For example, my hypervigilence used to be that bad I would lock the kids out of the house and jump at my mobile vibrating and I still have my bad periods too.

As for sleep, when you find the right formula can you let us all know as nearly all of us are searching for it.
You get used to it though mate, if you can call it that. I get around it by having power naps during the day or so.
Sometimes, maybe once a month I will actually sleep in and wake up feeling rested. Hope I did not jinx myself there.

Anyway, have a read. Your welcome here.

 

[Sarg]

Feel like the town drunk at the pulpit preaching to the congregation about sobriety...but here gos...the alcohol does help mellow the beast but soon it will take more and more and that drags down your self esteem and intensifies your depression. I know, I pounded down the alcohol by the gallon.

If you can find things that mellow you and lessens your intake, jump on it.

Welcome, Greg. Hope we can help.

Sarg

 

[Ned]

Morning Greg

 

[reddevil1111]

welcome! Watch the video about PTSD it might help explain to the wife a bit more of what your going through. You might not want to do it but getting the active duty ptsd label would help with your va benefits down the road. Something to consider if you are close to retirement age/time. Just thinking aloud is all.

 

[greginthesand]

Gents,

Thanks for the welcome and advice. I have read through the forum a few times previously but was hesitent to join up until last night. That has been one of my consistent hurdles, not wanting to accept my current situation as reality. With regard to a diagnosis it's kind of funny. I see the docs, fill out all of the "what are your current PTSD symptoms" forms every session, and was doing the Cognitive Processing Therapy course, but have yet to have the "this is what you have" conversation, at least not since the second therapist I've seen. They obviously sense my unwillingness to hear it and so we continue a ridiculous dick dance. What's really funny is I was recently talking with one of my youngsters that has some significant PTSD and was trying to convince him to accept his situation and allow himself to be helped. Ironic.

I'm still active and have about another year and a half until I can retire due to a recent promotion. I'm not sure what I will do then. I'm not happy now and don't know if I have the legs to continue, but also know that I have a hard time dealing with civilians and general society and will probably be even more miserable should I be surrounded by them on a daily basis. Another quagmire.

I do have a short term plan I want to put into action. 1. Stop drinking myself to sleep every night. 2. Force myself to try and do at least one of the things I used to that gave me joy. 3. Get my PT back on track.

I'll let you know how that goes.

Thanks again,
Greg

 

[Spock]

No one knows you better than you Greg. Every medical POC you talk to will be different in approach, intention & insight. If you sense it isn't good ask for someone else. You can still be polite in the appt, wait a couple days then call in thru the system so it is no big deal. You want the clinic to be a sanctuary not someplace you avoid. If someone was bad then put it on the survey. I had to tell my first Psy Doc he was causing my anxiety!!! Imagine that and he was suppose to be managing my treatment for PTSD. Group therapy was good for me, like a family. The shared experience saved me from some mistakes. Take charge of your own treatment while still in the military, that means trying to getting smarter on the topic than them. Also, when you fill out those symptom forms don't try an be a warrior in the clinic and low ball yourself. For example, if you think your headaches are a 3 then they are probably a 6. As you can tell already, helping your troops is helping you put things together as well.

ColA

 

[vikingr12]

Well, Greg, I like your plan of attack. I have been trying to do that too for some time. I am close on some and far away on others.
I have looked around a bit. And I am not much for group therapy but it's OK here. You can let loose and not hurt anybody. And they will set you straight.

 

[Jimmy1]

Greg, what I wouldn't do to be back serving right now. If you can handle it and your symptoms are not inflated or enraged by service, then by all means stay in. But you see, whether you know it or not, for the majority of veterans, service is one of the triggers.

Just an opinion.