Sufferer Introduction - Memories Won't Go Away

[Chrissy kilby]

Hello I'm new here and not really sure where to start. I'm Chrissy, I'm 23 and I have ptsd/depression and bad anxiety. When I was only 18, 2 days after my 18th birthday I was kidnapped by my own manager at work. I was young and believed everything and trusted way to easily. I was a senior in high school only two weeks till graduation. I was beat and rapped for a whole month, forced to tell people I was "ok" I ended up not graduating because of this, everyone said I "dropped out of school" which I didn't. After a month he was arrested on 20 charges and is in prison for 50 years. I had nightmares/ flashbacks for the longest time and still struggle. I feel like nobody really understands. It might have been 6 years ago but the memories won't go away. I didn't have a good support system either. I didn't go to therapy like I should. I'm having a hard time right now and could use people that understands how I feel.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome, Chrissy! I'm happy you have found your way here! It is NOT to late for the therapy that you will need to live the best life you can! You might think you can 'stash it away' somehow, and get over it without counseling. It is VERY unlikely! No one is strong enough to bear something like what happened to you without professional help. I PROMISE it is worth it!!

You deserve the best of the best, and you did NOT deserve what happened to you.That man was a very sick man. DON'T let him 'win' by not getting yourself treatment! It is NEVER too late!!

Blessings of peace, and prayers for direction being sent your way!!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

I am sorry for what happened to you. People are very supportive here.

Wishing you peace.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@ Chrissy kilby .

I too was raped repeatedly by a person in trust.

My rapist was a trusted family friend, entrusted with looking after me as my baby-sitter.

You may have been 18 years old and me a young 9 years old. Age at the time of the attacks, it matters not. We are both victims.

I have come here after 25 years of hiding in shadows with no one listening and I can safely say this forum can become as much a part of therapy as therapy itself.

Massive :hug:s from across the Atlantic Pond.
Laurence

 

[intothelight]

Hi Chrissy,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

PTSD is not a disorder that just goes away overtime. Therapy is one of the most effective tools to overcome the effects of the trauma and to learn to manage the symptoms. It is never to late for therapy.

There is a sister site you may find of benefit: MySexAbuse.com. I also hope you find the information and support here helpful to your healing.

Debbie

 

[open eyes]

When memories won't leave you alone, it's because there is unresolved tension left surrounding them- which seems to fit your situation perfectly.

There is no step-by-step instruction manual for how to deal with old pain. A lot of it you will have to figure out for yourself because different things work for different people. One of the things that helped me deal with my traumas was writing. Get a piece of paper & write the first thing that comes to your mind with the trauma. Just keep writing, don't censor anything, & at some point your brain will sort of shut off & you'll be writing down things that you didn't even realize you felt.

Therapy could also be a good start.

Best of luck to you. I'm truly sorry about what happened to you.

 

[Chrissy kilby]

Thanks so much guys ! Your words really mean a lot.

 

[Echo]

@Chrissy kilby - welcome to the forum. I was abused as a child and raped when I was twenty. Like a lot of people here, I understand the terror and other awful feelings that come from being treated in these disgusting ways by people whom we should have been able to trust. I didn't deal with it at your age; I just suppressed it all and it has now turned into what is called late onset PTSD. I really recommend you getting the help you need early in life so that you can avoid it all as much as possible getting in the way of you having a great life. Working with a trauma therapist who specialises in rape, as I am, would be really helpful. I hope you have someone like that to assist you. You will also find lots of support and understanding on this site. Check out the articles as well; there is a lot of good information.

 

[Stevennn]

Chrissy,


I must say that I was a bit jealous when I read your message. Why? Because, in spite of your horrific tragedy, the man who did this to you is paying for his offense big time. In contrast, nobody has paid a price at all for the abuse they inflicted on me. I was beaten with a board and belt by my mom and step-dad, and bullied in school by other kids (boys AND girls) right up until the time I graduated. If that wasn't enough, I was physically assaulted at age 19 by a total stranger and threatened with assault by a supervisor of mine. In my 20's, I was bullied by a few bosses, not physically threatened, but verbally. Then, at age 32, an older woman that I worked with threatened to "jump over the desk" at me. None of these people faced any consequences for their actions. So I must say that, in spite of the initial jealousy, I am very happy that this man is serving a hefty prison term for his actions.
I am now 45 and still suffering from PTSD to this day. The traumatic memories of high school and middle school are still fresh in my brain. I have been mentally hospitalized twice and have taken every anti-depressant on the market. I have also tried EMDR and other non-medicinal forms of treatment. Nothing has had any major effects.
I certainly pray that you can find a treatment that works for you, so you don't suffer the rest of your life, like I seem to be doing. You are only 23 and you have a long life ahead of you. Good luck on finding an effective treatment. I will pray for you.