when the Sargeant asked me if I wanted to hurt myself or end my life I told him the truth. Yes.
Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, then burned it. Way back, when I was younger, I had a similar situation.
When my cousin told my ex-husband where I was living in 1992, he let me know if I didn't come to him he would come to me. It scared the hell out of me, and I freaked. My roommate had never seen me have a PTSD reaction and called her religious leader to come try and help. I told him truth, and his response was, "You are being a bad wife. You need to go to him and stop this nonsense." (one of the things I said was, "I'd rather be dead at my own hand, than slowly die from him torturing me before he buried me alive."
I ordered him out of the house. and since he wouldn't leave, I got up and went to my bedroom. He followed me and just walked in, still telling me I needed to be a good wife and go back to him. I went into the bathroom and locked the door. They called the police who took the door off the hinges (which caused me to panic) and had to strap me to a gurney because I came up fighting. They took me out of the building screaming at the top of my lungs. I had done nothing wrong, but that man sure did.
I was in the hospital until my own church leader, who knew about my history, came back into town and found out from my roommate what had happened. He got me out. He had to set me up in another apartment because I lost my home due to what happened. He also had to help me find another job, since I had also lost all my clients. It took me years to get my life back on track again.
Now, I can pull myself together a lot faster. I sure do hope you can pull it together a lot fast than I did back then. I hope you can find a good trauma therapist who can help you find ways to cope with life and give you skills to function when all around you is falling apart. I learned, you are not really safe no matter where you are. Not in public, not in private, not in your own home. All you can do is strive to be the best you can be no matter where you are. I hope you have people who can vouch for you.
Sorry I am not more encouraging. But it's just a fact. At least it is for me. Like I said, I hope you do better than me.
Good luck.