I thought I'd come here and introduce myself, and see if I can get some advice on my current situation.
I'm 36, a veteran of the US. Army, and have been battling pretty debilitating depression for as long as I can remember. When I'm not depressed, I'm extremely anxious and overwhelmed with a general sense of dread and a feeling that something is wrong or something bad is going to happen.
I have been seeing a counselor at the VA for a month now, and he recently proposed that I be tested for PTSD. This isn't something I had thought of for a few reasons. First off, I haven't been in combat. Second, I'm a therapist myself, so I have the general conceit of thinking I know everything.
I explained that even though I haven't been in combat, my depression started when I was overseas in Korea from early 94 to 95. To clarify, that was during a particularly tense period during which the North Koreans were consistently threatening to attack, so we were on heightened alert pretty much the whole time. For some reason, I don't remember much of my time there. I do remember not thinking I was going to get out there alive, as we were told by the higher ups that we would be going to war. I know they were simply wanting us to be prepared, but I remember there being a lot of mock alerts at 3-4 in the morning, sometimes for days at a time, plenty of sleepless nights, and days where I'd work nonstop and be given just enough free time to sleep, wake up, and go back to work.
I also remember having a lot of panic attacks and crying fits during that time. It was my sergeant who suggested that I see someone for it.
The depression and anxiety has been constant since then, and has affected my life and career in immeasurable ways. It's gotten far more intense over the past 2 years or so, during which time I graduated and moved to a small town for a job. I've always avoided things that I perceive will cause me a real or imaginary pain. For example, paying bills, social situations, shopping, confronting others, ect. When I am at home, small noises, such as neighbors outside my door or cars on the street will make me feel panicked... which makes no sense, even to me!
While I am open to being diagnosed by a VA psychologist, it worries me. I don't want to be treated like I am malingering, since any diagnosis would mean I'd receive disability pay. I also don't want to be told that there is nothing that can be done since my symptoms began so long ago. Just thinking about either makes me feel panicked, so you can imagine I would want to avoid that!
Anyway, just thought I'd give some background and ask advice. Thanks!
I'm 36, a veteran of the US. Army, and have been battling pretty debilitating depression for as long as I can remember. When I'm not depressed, I'm extremely anxious and overwhelmed with a general sense of dread and a feeling that something is wrong or something bad is going to happen.
I have been seeing a counselor at the VA for a month now, and he recently proposed that I be tested for PTSD. This isn't something I had thought of for a few reasons. First off, I haven't been in combat. Second, I'm a therapist myself, so I have the general conceit of thinking I know everything.
I explained that even though I haven't been in combat, my depression started when I was overseas in Korea from early 94 to 95. To clarify, that was during a particularly tense period during which the North Koreans were consistently threatening to attack, so we were on heightened alert pretty much the whole time. For some reason, I don't remember much of my time there. I do remember not thinking I was going to get out there alive, as we were told by the higher ups that we would be going to war. I know they were simply wanting us to be prepared, but I remember there being a lot of mock alerts at 3-4 in the morning, sometimes for days at a time, plenty of sleepless nights, and days where I'd work nonstop and be given just enough free time to sleep, wake up, and go back to work.
I also remember having a lot of panic attacks and crying fits during that time. It was my sergeant who suggested that I see someone for it.
The depression and anxiety has been constant since then, and has affected my life and career in immeasurable ways. It's gotten far more intense over the past 2 years or so, during which time I graduated and moved to a small town for a job. I've always avoided things that I perceive will cause me a real or imaginary pain. For example, paying bills, social situations, shopping, confronting others, ect. When I am at home, small noises, such as neighbors outside my door or cars on the street will make me feel panicked... which makes no sense, even to me!
While I am open to being diagnosed by a VA psychologist, it worries me. I don't want to be treated like I am malingering, since any diagnosis would mean I'd receive disability pay. I also don't want to be told that there is nothing that can be done since my symptoms began so long ago. Just thinking about either makes me feel panicked, so you can imagine I would want to avoid that!
Anyway, just thought I'd give some background and ask advice. Thanks!
