Irish Joke

[Jimmy1]

Over here, and probably in a lot of places, the Irish are the brunt of jokes, so no offence.

Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidently shoots his wife.

He calls emergency (911, 000, whatever)

Paddy says "Its my wife, Ive accidentally shot her. Ive killed her".

Operator "Please calm down sir, Can you first make sure she realy is dead".


CLICK BANG

Paddy "Okay done that, what do I do next"

 

[Wagon]

OK. My favourite Irish joke now. But we are at the bar. So I hope no offence taken. At least the Irish bar I told it in did not have a problem.

Paddy and Seamus were flat broke and in dire need of a drink. Paddy came up with an idea.

"Seamus, how much money do you have on you?"
" 2 pence" said Seamus.
"OK" said Paddy "Give it to me"

Seamus dutifully gives Paddy his money. Paddy rushes off to to the grocery store.
Paddy comes back and shows Seamus a large sausage he had bought.

"You daft bastard" said Seamus "What the hell are we supposed to do with that."
"Here is the deal" says Paddy.

"I'm going to put this sausage in my trousers, We go into a bar and order a shot and a Guinness. When we are almost done, you get on your knees and put this sausage in our month. They will kick us out, fast as can be and we won't pay a pence.

"Fantastic idea" say Seamus " Lets go"

So Seamus and Paddy continue with this plan the entire afternoon and evening. Getting kicked out of every bar they enter, with at least a drink in them and not paying a dime.

At the end of the Night Seamus pipes up. "Paddy, I can't take much more/ I'm so pissed I can't barely stand.

Paddy replies. " You think you have problems mate, I lost the sausage 5 pubs ago"

 

[willis williams]

Nice I was expecting a differant outcome while I was reading it but it was a good laugh.

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the bottom of the hill. There were four men .....

one was walking briskly up the hill;
one was inside the brothel;
one was walking slowly down the hill and
the fourth man was sitting in his car at the bottom of the hill.


What were the nationalities of the four men?




* The man going up the hill: was Rushin
* The man in the brothel: Him-a-layin
* The man walking down the hill: was Finish
* The man in the car at the bottom was Irish, and he was waiting for the light to turn green.