Other I'm A Pretty Joke

[Deleted member 36220]

Edit to add: you can quote; you got a pretty common warning to not quote full posts, is all.

Oh okay I understand now sorry. I'm just not in a good place right now so I'm just not reading things correctly.thanks for clearing that up.

 

[Deleted member 36220]

Everything that brings me a bit of happiness goes away. I can't believe my boyfriend is gone for a year. He was gone for 6 months but I saw him in those months but now he is overseas. I can't catch a break..I just can't believe how everything keeps happening like this. I was supposed to get a promotion and my manager explained it to me and everything and now its on hold or something and they have to post the job internally before I can apply. She makes it seem like I will get it but why tell all this wonderful stuff and then put it on hold. I didn't do anything wrong. I have worked just as well as I always have...its like I'm cursed and I can't get anything positive. I just can't believe it. I feel like I'm in some sorta nightmare and I can't wake up. Sometimes I just can't believe my life.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I'm a mess and I can't bring myself to see a therapist again...last time I did it I felt so small. I know you have to keep trying but I can barely go to work I don't think I will make it to a therapist. I just want to run home. This is frustrating.

I have a very VERY hard time to force myself off of my couch each day. I have super extreme exhaustion where im falling asleep sitting up, head in lap, look like a herion addict. I hurt so bad that never ever ends and only gets worse (i had to have a morphine pump implanted in my stomach just to allow me to be able to walk). I am super dizzy while driving like ive been drinking. And anxiety constantly where my entire body is trembling, im trembling inside, im throwing up, and have recently developed an odd twitch.

I get it!

But, you are depressed and have very negitive self talk (CBT would be real helpful for that). You need a therapist.

Remembering that you are only pushing yourself to that first session. Just the first one right now.

Then, after, you push yourself to the 2nd.

It seems, to me, that you are saying "this and this and this and this, etc, etc, etc,; has happened and my life sucks"

Take one moment at a time. Take one thing at a time. And going to a therapist is the first thing id have on my list.

The Little Engine That Could is elementry but its a HUGE part of my therapy. Negitive self talk is crippling you and that you have control over.

CBT thought records help A LOT with negitive self talk:

Cognitive Therapy Guide: Thought Records

I was supposed to get a promotion and my manager explained it to me and everything and now its on hold or something and they have to post the job internally before I can apply. She makes it seem like I will get it but why tell all this wonderful stuff and then put it on hold. I didn't do anything wrong. I have worked just as well as I always have.

its like I'm cursed and I can't get anything positive. I just can't believe it.

No, you arent "cursed". (Negitive self talk).

Your supervisor likely likes you for this position but most company policy is to post it internally and ask employees to apply. My job does that. Its not fair for any of the other employees if you were singled out for the position and they never got a chance to apply for it. How is that fair for anyone else? But your boss likely thinks this position fits you and are either encouraging you to apply or have you on the sideline as if someone more qualified doesnt apply then they have you to give it to (my interpretation of "on hold") but I believe she is encouraging you to apply as you are a good fit. So stop rumminating and apply.

You are rumminating and thats not helping either.

Link Removed

Why Ruminating is Unhealthy and How to Stop | World of Psychology

I am not minimizing or dismissing, I rumminate a lot too, Im advising of what Im seeing here and trying to help. You are sabotoging yourself with negitive dramatic self talk and rumminating, in my opinion.

 

[Casey_03]

Have you seen a neurologist about the smell/taste problem? There can be medical reasons for that. And that could also be causing or exacerbating depression.

 

[Nevermore]

Hi @PrettyJoke and welcome!
I just wanted to second @Casey_03 about getting a medical opinion on your loss of taste and smell. It's significant to lose those senses and it would be good to know what's going on.
I've also heard that losing the sense of taste and smell can cause bad depression.
I really hope you see a doctor and talk to him about what's happening...
Wishing you much healing!

 

[Deleted member 36220]

Yes, I have seen many many many doctors and went through a painful sinus surgery. I just get told there is nothing that can be done unless I want to take oral steroids for a few weeks just to bring it back for a couple of days. Steroids reduce the inflammation in my nasal passages but long term steroid use is deadly. Trust me I have been to every Dr. about this condition I ran up a credit card to 3,000.00 to pay for prescriptions bills etc. I just stopped now I only buy my prescriptions I can't afford it anymore.

 

[Casey_03]

Did they do a CAT scan at all? My sister had something similar and it had something to do with blood vessels in her brain. They only caught it after a CAT scan

 

[Deleted member 36220]

Yes they did a everything. They had to do a CAT scan to go up my nose which made no sense to me. I could have gone blind due to that surgery. I am never doing it again. Again trust me I have been through so much with this problems so many instruments stuck up my nose. Its horrifying.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

I really don't think people understand how crippling it is to lose a sense...let alone TWO. I was no...

No I can't. My sense of humor pokes fun at myself so I apologize for not being alert others may take it wrong.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum - there's lots of good eggs here, so hope you stick around.

I haven't lost my sense of taste or smell, so I don't know what that's like. Sounds pretty awful. But not knowing what life is like in your shoes, and you not knowing what life is like in my shoes, we can still help each other out. Because I have had Manor Depressive Episodes. I have definitely been there, and reading your posts, it's really clear that life is a dark place for you right now.

But take a breath, and remind yourself why you hunted down this site, joined up, and reached out. Because you don't want life to be this painful and hard, and you want some company to get you better, yeah?

There's lots of good advice in the above posts. To see it, there's a couple of things you have to do. First, know that probably every single one of those posts is from someone who still has their taste and smell. So we don't get the finer details of your struggles. But know that each of those posts is coming from someone who is here because believe you me, they have more than enough struggles of our own. We all have different situations, but it's a level playing field here: we're all starting from a dark place.

Second thing: your brain is telling you that your situation is impossible. Hopeless. All suggestions it is going to dismiss: they don't understand, I've tried everything, I can't do that because...Your brain is unwell. That's depression. Your brain, right now, is working overtime convincing you that your situation is hopeless. Not so. Thanks brain, but I'm going to fix this shit.

So, 9 years since you tried therapy, and it was a bad experience. That's okay, because you have 9 extra years of coping with awful stuff under your belt since then, and your boyf aounds like a pretty good reason to give that another try. Brain will find reasons you can't. Cost. Work schedule. No trauma specialists. Etc etc. It can work. You need this. Life doesn't need to be this hard. So make it work. This forum is here for you when you come up against roadblocks.

You're right that you're not just a pretty face. You're a unique, loveable individual with at least your boyf who really wants to see you smile again. So make it work. There is no curse hanging over you, it's Depression. And you can heal.

 

[Ann Barry]

If you did, it would be from earlier trauma: child abuse, child sexual abuse, domestic violence, gang vi...

You wrote lots get Mis-Diagnosed. YES! I knew it/know it. HOW to get the "experts" to listen/agree ...GLAD you wrote this. THANX.

 

[Gs172003]

Everyone tells me how beautiful I am...but I'm alone. I have been left by many men. I have been trea...

This is going to sound crazy but with your smelling issues, do you have food allergies?