J
JPJ708
I recently bumped into an ex-girlfriend of mine from almost 6 years ago and we've be catching up. Bumping into her was a huge surprise because I haven't seen her in almost 6 years and we live in different cities about 3 hours apart.
To make it very clear, I'm married, I love my wife, I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and a little boy on the way. I'm not looking for a relationship with my ex, just a friendship.
I'd like to have a friendship with my ex, but I don't know if that's in HER best interests. I really have no one to talk to about this so I thought I'd give it a try here, since you might understand.
I broke up with her almost 6 years ago. She has PTSD from sexual assault. She was on medication but still had a lot of anxiety that really controlled our relationship. I did really love her (no feelings now). I thought I could handle it but I couldn't. I made the mistake of promising her that I could handle the relationship and that I would never leave her because of the PTSD/her past. So when the relationship ended it really took a toll on her. She thought I was "the one", that we were going to be married, that she finally found someone who loved her, for her and accepted everything she brought to the table.
In conversation I learned that she isn't in a relationship right now, and hasn't been since our break up. I made the dumb mistake of asking why as she's absolutely stunning and in the most painful way she said "No one wants me" and she doesn't think a man ever will. I will say she does come with a lot. I always thought it would be a lot harder for her to find someone, but never impossible.
The way that she looks at me, I can tell she still has fairly strong feelings towards me. Which makes me skeptical about keeping a friendship. I don't want to hurt her or give her false hope. I know it hurts her to see me with someone else. When she first saw me she smiled, when she saw my wife come up and grab my arm her expression totally changed and she looked heartbroken and forced an all too familiar fake smile. To make it worse (for her) my wife is pregnant and my ex is infertile (born without ovaries/uterus). So it basically threw everything she wanted right in her face.
I feel like I owe it too her to keep a friendship. Just knowing she doesn't have anyone makes me feel terrible and some how responsible. She is amazing and deserves to be happy and I feel that I took that from her. She is only 25 (I'm 29), but she has always been a hell of a lot more mature than people her age, even mine. Of course I asked her if she wants a friendship and she said yes and that it would be nice. But I just don't know what's really best for her.
She mentioned that she stopped taking one of her meds which helped with anxiety, nightmares, depression when we broke up because "there was no point taking them". Going back into her life (just as a friend) could be beneficial to her, but could also hurt her more. I'm just so damn unsure...
To make it very clear, I'm married, I love my wife, I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and a little boy on the way. I'm not looking for a relationship with my ex, just a friendship.
I'd like to have a friendship with my ex, but I don't know if that's in HER best interests. I really have no one to talk to about this so I thought I'd give it a try here, since you might understand.
I broke up with her almost 6 years ago. She has PTSD from sexual assault. She was on medication but still had a lot of anxiety that really controlled our relationship. I did really love her (no feelings now). I thought I could handle it but I couldn't. I made the mistake of promising her that I could handle the relationship and that I would never leave her because of the PTSD/her past. So when the relationship ended it really took a toll on her. She thought I was "the one", that we were going to be married, that she finally found someone who loved her, for her and accepted everything she brought to the table.
In conversation I learned that she isn't in a relationship right now, and hasn't been since our break up. I made the dumb mistake of asking why as she's absolutely stunning and in the most painful way she said "No one wants me" and she doesn't think a man ever will. I will say she does come with a lot. I always thought it would be a lot harder for her to find someone, but never impossible.
The way that she looks at me, I can tell she still has fairly strong feelings towards me. Which makes me skeptical about keeping a friendship. I don't want to hurt her or give her false hope. I know it hurts her to see me with someone else. When she first saw me she smiled, when she saw my wife come up and grab my arm her expression totally changed and she looked heartbroken and forced an all too familiar fake smile. To make it worse (for her) my wife is pregnant and my ex is infertile (born without ovaries/uterus). So it basically threw everything she wanted right in her face.
I feel like I owe it too her to keep a friendship. Just knowing she doesn't have anyone makes me feel terrible and some how responsible. She is amazing and deserves to be happy and I feel that I took that from her. She is only 25 (I'm 29), but she has always been a hell of a lot more mature than people her age, even mine. Of course I asked her if she wants a friendship and she said yes and that it would be nice. But I just don't know what's really best for her.
She mentioned that she stopped taking one of her meds which helped with anxiety, nightmares, depression when we broke up because "there was no point taking them". Going back into her life (just as a friend) could be beneficial to her, but could also hurt her more. I'm just so damn unsure...
