General Is Guilt A Symptom?

[LittleBear]

Mrs. T,
You might ask him why he feels guilty. Sometimes in talking about emotions we can resolve the basis of them. Go slow but reason out with him why he feels guilty. Then he might be able to reason out his own guilt until it becomes natural. He may have been horribly punished for minor infractions or no infractions at all. I suffer terribly from both imagined and real guilt and it started to abate when friends would ask me
"Why do you feel guilty?" and the reasoning eventually helped a little.

Guilt is a horrible taskmaster and can lead to a lifetime of misery for many parties and couples. I loved my Father desperately, and he me, but my best was never good enough for him and he would harp on minor failings such as receiving a 'B" instead of an 'A' in a class or if I won at sports it wasn't my accomplishment it was the other competitor wasn't good enough. Talking guilt out with my therapist now and it's the hardest row we've had to hoe yet.

Good luck and blessings on you and your family.

LBear

 

[Mrs. T]

Junebug, he does feel it is self-limiting. At times a guy friend of ours will come over and he will play with the kids. Some of the things he does with our kids is more then H feels physically up for doing (like building a fort with them). When he sees our friend do these things, he feels guilty that he didn't do those things.

Little bear, H had a very abusive father who was disappointed with him about nearly everything, even though H was the favorite child in his younger years. He and his siblings were beaten for many ridiculous reasons. Less then perfect grades, falling asleep during his father's very long prayers, praying wrong, reading the bible wrong, falling asleep before chores were done (he would be woken up with a beating), etc etc. He has scars from his beatings. However, his mother was very much the opposite. Loving him and caring for him no matter what he did (and he was a trouble maker. Kicked out of schools for the trouble he caused and lead others to do).

Thank you so much for your tips and encouragement.

 

[LittleBear]

Woof!!! Mrs. T. Your husband has endured a lot of physical and emotional trauma. I know my perpetual sense of guilt also stems from physical punishment from both my father and teachers because I didn't finish assignments but nothing as bad as your husband experienced. Blessings for y'all.

LBear

 

[Trembling]

Hi Mrs. T (again) ;) Guilt might not be a symptom itself, but only speaking of my fiance, its part of the PTSD. Guilty for not being a man, what means in his terms, being weak, not doing what he planned for a day, not being there for me, not helping anymore as "before" - and being guilty for what he did in the past.
Just from my point of view just a comment on the word guilt.

You create great threads!

 

[Sunrise]

Some thoughts

- It may not matter whether guilt is a symptom or not but if not then it could certainly be the result (product ) of a symptom

- Whatever it is we could say that given the discomfort and the damage it can do,
working on reducing or getting rid of it can only be a good thing

​

In some therapy methods where a nasty event is recalled and cycled through till the person gets a realisation about it, negative emotions often subside including grief, regret and guilt (relevant to that event ).​

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Example: " I now see this just happened, i was just there, I didn't do it and I did my best (etc)​

​

it wasn't my fault - it was just a terrible accident " [big relief from the client, much lighter mood] later - "this doesn't change what happened but I feel different about it somehow, and I don't feel the pain or guilt about it like I did before..."​

Outcomes like this can be very healing and ease the tensions one feels, but sadly not many therapies include this kind of approach.




Power to the carers!

 

[Mrs. T]

Thanks sunrise.

H has quit therapy and doesn't even like the topic of it. I don't think his therapist was right for him. It was his first experience with therapy and he didn't believe in it prior to that. I'm hoping to convince him that therapy can help and to give it another try.

I'm realizing from many of these posts that his past almost inevitably has led to a lot of guilt. I don't know how I missed that. I feel like I should write down all I know about H and his past. It might help me better understand him. I don't think the forum is the right place to do this. I already wonder if I say too much on here.

Thank you to everyone for all your feedback. It has been really good to get different perspectives and helpful tips for the now. I also want to look into the medical side of it that sea mentioned.

 

[Trembling]

Dear Mrs. T, I can assume how you feel about the point "did I say too much already" but point is that we are the supporters who need to talk to someone who has a clue what we are talking about. Most important is that we stay strong for our hubbies but not forget about ourselves.

 

[Mrs. T]

Your right trembling. I guess I fear that someone will Google something and come across my post...and perhaps figure out who I am (and who my husband is). I know if I revealed some stuff about H and someone found out, he would be devastated. I know if he saw the things I write as it is, he'd probably fear someone reading it that knows us.

I know he gets extra worried about security. Sometimes too worried, but he has been right too many times in the past...

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't think you can google PM's- (?)

 

[Mrs. T]

What are PM's?

 

[Tinyflame]

Personal Messaging

 

[Mrs. T]

Do you suggest I sort through this through personal messages to someone? Not a bad idea