Relationship Is Is Isolation Or Is It Over?

[lovemyvet]

UGH!!!!! I'm so frustrated. This is the first time ever in our relationship that my vet has completely walked off the face of the earth without so much as a text or a note or anything. He's been out of communication for 2 weeks now...the longest before this has been a couple of days. No warning...no signs or symptoms that I saw....just gone.

I'm trying to keep myself sane and I'm doing a fairly good job (I think), as I've had my own issues since childhood, and have been in counseling since I was 18.

I love this man very much....so much that if he were happier without me, while it would be devastating, I would accept it and move on with my life. It's this being in "limbo" not knowing what's going to happen that is killing me.

I've deleted our text records off my phone so I don't constantly look at the last text he sent "Good night...sweet dreams....love you!"

I know two weeks is probably not a lot of time, but with my own past, he's well aware of my trust issues, and while I've learned that his idea of communication (as a combat vet, months without communication is not a big deal), is not the same as mine I don't think I'm asking too much to just want to know if he's OK. :(

 

[Fadeaway]

Given that last text, I would venture to guess it is a server case of isolation, and maybe even a fear of coming back because he is afraid of the guilt and you making him feel bad for what his has done. At least that is what happens to me. I get afraid to reinitiate contact because I don't want a lecture or guilt trip or worse, find out they gave up on me.

 

[lovemyvet]

Thanks for your reply @Fadeaway . That's my opinion too...that he's afraid of my reaction. To be honest, before I knew better I did react poorly in the past, just because I didn't understand his condition, but we've worked on that a lot. Since he never said no contact, I've sent some very light texts (mostly about what I'm up to because he likes to know that I'm not just sitting around waiting for him), and only 3 texts in the last 2 weeks. He hasn't read them yet.

 

[Glara]

Idk what to say. My sufferer broke up with me and texted me a week later. The longest he went with no contact was 5 weeks. I just don't know what do. That was over a year ago. He's still around.

 

[Fadeaway]

@Glara, your situation seemed much different. Yours was sending you mixed messages which was totally unconnected to the isolation.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't mean to sound morbid, but have you seen other signs of life indicating that he's still kicking, not hospitalized or incarcerated?

 

[lovemyvet]

@EveHarrington - sorry to be so late responding...I didn't have access to a computer until now :/ I have heard NOTHING from him and no signs of him. That was my concern too at this point. I was wondering if I should reach out to one of his friends in the states, but I never met him personally and I don't want to seem like an overprotective clingy girlfriend. UGH!!

 

[catlover26]

Sorry you are going through this. I really don't have experience on this but I am wondering what some of you would do in my case. When they go through such isolation and withdrawal it is so hard. My Vet that I have been dating for over 2 years said we should take a break tonight. He has become more isolated and depressed. Because he is so much older he doesn't go off anywhere but can be so distant when we are in the same room. He has become so depressed that he feels like he needs some time but he also mentioned something about not needing to take on any more problems right now..... issues I have told him with my children, etc. Even though I agreed that I would not talk about these things. He is just depressed and stressed out.

Before I have waited a little and gone back to see him but I don't know if I need to do that now. He doesn't text at all. So I don't think we will have any communication. I guess I can just sit and wait but that it such a hard thing to do. He has no one that he talks to about his problems but me as far as I know. But maybe he needs time to think but we are only together a few nights a week and he is not going out much at all anymore. I guess it is his call.

 

[MonkeeMoo]

Hi, lovemyvet and everyone--
I am a new member and supporter of combat vet loved one. This is my first post I'm writing in! Yay! :) I was wondering how you are doing with the isolation/no contact since early July. Have you heard from him?

This is the longest time (6 weeks) that my SO has been isolating. The longest before that was 3 weeks, last year around this time. It can be frustrating at times, but it hurts as deeply as it did last year-- but at least I am not so 'confused' as I was the first time. He's a great, sweet-hearted guy. I love him to bits. I'm grateful for discovering this site as I was learning and reading more information and youtube videos about PTSD. I've known my guy for 2+ years now. I'm just learning through this process with patience, understanding, and lots of compassion along with prayers.

Hope to read from you soon! Any advice or suggestions or information would be greatly appreciated and gladly received! Tnx.
~MonkeeMoo

 

[Dr1050]

Given that last text, I would venture to guess it is a server case of isolation, and maybe even a fear...

Hello! I know this is an old post but I searched "isolation" and got here. This was very helpful for me to read, I'm a supporter whose combat vet sufferer is isolating (I think). His last message to me 1 week ago was asking about scheduling a weekend. He didn't respond to my answer (which was yes to reschedule), and I haven't heard from him since. I hadn't been through this with him before so after a few days I got upset. I thought he was ghosting me. After some reflection (and finding this website) I now think otherwise. I apologized profusely, told him I reacted out of my own stress/issues, that I care about him, and hope to hear from him soon. Nothing. Is there anything I can do or say to encourage him I won't punish him for coming back? How long do I give him? We were very close prior to this. I know I reacted poorly but it blindsided me. Appreciate any help!

 

[MaggieMayTx]

Hello! I know this is an old post but I searched "isolation" and got here. This was very helpful for me...

I have just done the same thing. Although my fella and I are in new relationship. He has been divorced 6 months, +PTSD, I was his 3rd date. I questioned whether or not he was ready. He wanted his last first kiss...Okay going forward. He moved really fast...said things like let's make this exclusive after 9 days of meeting each other; talking and texting for total of 20 days. I had reservations about this possibility. Sweet guy, but knew he had been put on disabled vet due to violent outburst 5 years ago at work. My take is he was trying to enmesh and get his emotional/sexual needs met (things had gotten frisky, but with me trying to put on brakes), that he was numbing and possibly narcissistic. I now know this may be PTSD.

We had 4th of July, 2017, all good. We had never drank together, he was drinking. On the 5th he was all wishy washy, said he was "nervous." I asked him about it, "I just don't know." "I'm going to have a lot to do in the next week, I'll be busy." Then I realize from Facebook he lost his dad while back on July 4th. Then I go home July 5th and he ghosts me...when I finally reach him, he's texting about being in a bad place, wanting to drink. He sounded suicidal. He had to go through some paperwork to work on getting $$ from government. He has 5 guns in the house. I have my medical oath to make sure he's okay. I didn't want to be the overbearing new girlfriend. I just texted I was there for him. He finally got back to me. "I'm okay, my kids are here." (They are 20/23). He's not what he was when we met, such intensity which I know is an issue. He would call every night, text, talk for hours, etc. My thing is you're feeling screwed up, tell me. Don't leave me hanging out here. So I think I needed a lot more teaching from him, and direction to these Web sites to know what I was dealing with, PTSD. Plus I think he had a full blown flashback. That's a lot of stress. Going through old paperwork, reliving the past, losing a parent, newly divorced 6 months, finding out your ex left you for another man, and then having a brand new gf that doesn't know crap about PTSD. I called him tonight and said I just want to talk about what's going on w you, but if you don't want to talk I will take it as your answer, if I don't hear from you. I will know you're not interested. I feel bad now. But, after reading this I understand more.

I don't think there is any salvaging this, but if there is a next time...this was helpful. Civilians can never understand this. My heart goes out to them all.