Is It Appropriate For Your Therapist To Be Open About Their Past?

[Iam]

Think I am going to write my T a thank you note for being so open with me. For telling me about her having PTSD resulting from childhood abuse. For being willing to answer honestly how successful she is in dealing with the symptoms.
Also for understanding how I feel, for believing me that I truly regret my mistake. She said she believed me, then just sat there silently and let me absorb it. I couldn't say thank you, I couldn't respond at all. Why does having her believe that I regret what I did matter? IDK, but it does. I feel forgiven because of her belief and acceptance.

My other T is very careful about what he shares of his personal journey in healing. "It's about me, not him." Though he does share that he has worked thru his own "stuff", that every therapist has to in order to be able to be objective with their clients. He's told me that he has done the anger role plays that he wants me to do. That he took that opportunity and that it helped him. Yet what he has shared doesn't seem as personal as what she has shared. It doesn't touch me in the same way. Why is that? He tells me that what I "did" was a mistake, that that one action doesn't define me. Yet it isn't as believable to me as when my other T says the same thing.

Why do I believe her and not him? Is it because he is a male or is it that she is more open about herself than he is? Maybe that she truly understands and sympathizes with me, feels what I feel? Is it appropriate for a therapist to be open about their personal struggles? I think if it helps the client, the answer is yes.

 

[KP the nut]

If a T can be open then that is fine. They like us are individuals, some with their own demons and like us some are more comfortable sharing than others.

If both sides are comfortable with sharing than I think it is appropriate.

HUGS
KP

 

[Iam]

If a T can be open then that is fine. They like us are individuals, some with their own demons and like us some are more comfortable sharing than others.
KP

Good point Kath. I guess that is what helped me in my T sharing, it has made her more human to me. I know that I have, and probably most of us do, put my Ts in a position of authority. I go to them because of their knowledge and training. To guide and instruct me in how to deal with myself and others. I don't think that I always consider that they are human, that they feel just as deeply and make mistakes like the rest of humanity. I guess that I expect that they have it totally together and don't struggle like I do.

 

[allitherapy]

I think it's only appropriate for a therapist to share information that would be helpful to your therapy. From what you said, this is what she has been doing. I think it can become harmful if s/he is disclosing too much, but in general I think it is a good thing as long as it is relevant and in some way helpful to your therapy. Your male therapist is very much correct in saying that it is about you, not him. A little self-disclosure can be helpful, but sometimes too much of it can be very harmful. You will be able to recognize the difference, though, and it doesn't seem that this is the case in your therapeutic relationship.

 

[anthony]

Think I am going to write my T a thank you note for being so open with me. For telling me about her having PTSD resulting from childhood abuse. For being willing to answer honestly how successful she is in dealing with the symptoms.

I think its only fair actually... you are supposed to have a therapeutic relationship, which means you should know a little about them, and honestly, if they have PTSD also, then you have a shining example in front of you helping you, as a level to aspire too.... being functioning to some degree and self managing their stressor intake.

 

[suzie q]

Without the knowledge of my therapists common past, I don't think I would have been so willing to discuss ALL the details of some of my trauma. I didn't trust women to begin with, but her common threads to my trauma helped me with the anxiety of processing all the pain.

As they say, who better to understand your situation than someone who has been there and walked through. Some of the things she shared with me about her past allowed me to see that my pain is not always the "worst". That kept me balanced emotionally seeing that she had been through many things more "horrible" than mine. Although I do believe that pain is pain and that was a lesson she taught me.

Having a male therapist gave me different views on my trauma and allowed me to process in other ways besides "just emotionally". I needed the rational, logical, CBT-type lessons to balance out the emotion. I'm glad that I've experienced both sexes in therapy. It was a good experience.

 

[kers]

Self-disclosure by a therapist can be tricky, because they have to be extremely vigilant about keeping the boundaries of the therapy relationship. That means they may share a few things, but they should not get into details or emotional information because then the therapy becomes about them as much as you. I am glad that your disclosing therapist has kept the boundaries. Personally, I would be uncomfortable with it, but I am glad her sharing has been helpful to you.

 

[jesse]

Hi Iams I think it helps when a T can share. I went to this T who was really good many years ago and he told me this story about how he had this patient who held him at gun point for an hour so that he would know what it was like to have PTSD. He told me he indeed had to learn how to overcome PTSD and how he was very freaked out for a long time. It really helped me to let my guard down although I felt bad he had to go through that. As far as your male T goes I guess I wouldn't expect him to share it is his perogative but try not to take it personally if he doesn't (I laugh when I write this because I would probably take it personally even though I know I shouldn't).

 

[Iam]

Haha Jesse.....thanks, I appreciate your post. Actually he does share some things, but I usually have a hard time connecting the dots to how it pertains to my situation

There is absolutely no way that he could understand what happened to me in the way that my trauma t does. She's had similar experiences, to my knowledge he hasn't. On top of that, he is not a trauma t. Doesn't mean that he isn't a good T, he is and he has helped me tremendously ;o)

It's so easy to take things personally, but in this case, I don't simply because t's a professional, therapeutic relationship as opposed to a friendship.

 

[Sethe]

My T also shared info about her past. It did help to know that I:

1. was not alone.
2. had someone who could understand/empathize.

I think it's ok to share a little as long as the T can maintain the appropriate boundary.