Relationship Is it his ptsd?

[MSO]

My husband and I have been married since October and have had a less than blissful time as newlyweds. He is in the military and has moderate to severe PTSD (if you can even catagorize it.)

I am trying so hard to understand him but have received no help in this from either my husband or his family. I am trying to distinguish what is his PTSD and what is real.

We have been fighting nonstop. Over small things, over big things, you name it. He is so quick to anger, and this anger is explosive. He had never been physical and I don’t believe he ever would be, but some of the things he says to me are the more terrible I have ever been told in my life. After being given time to cool down, he’s back to normal. One minute he wants a divorce, then the next day he’s telling me how much he loves me. I am currently 4 months pregnant and he’s even gone as far as to say he wants nothing to do with this child. It’s so incredibly painful. Is this kind of behavior PTSD?

I’m so torn because I love him dearly but this isn’t the man I married. I am scared he will go and file for divorce and leave me a single mother. Do I believe his threats, or find a way to work around this.

How much abuse do I have to take?

 

[LuckiLee]

Welcome. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds pretty scary. I have a few questions if you don't mind? How long were you together before your marriage? He's still active duty? When was he diagnosed? Is he in any kind of therapy?

You need to learn all you can about the disorder. I'd start with the PTSD stress cup explanation that Anthony has so kindly shared with us. It's a great piece of information. You really do have to educate yourself. PTSD relationships are extremely difficult to navigate. It definitely takes both partners to work at it.

Do you have any support? Just a heads up friends and family usually don't understand. I ask and vent and b*tch and shareand....here. These people "get it".

Congratulations on the baby! Best of everything to you!!

 

[Mytime]

Welcome to the forum. Gald that you found us. There is a lot of support here, from both sides, suffers and supporters. Take some time and read around the forum. Read about the stress cup it may help you understand your husbands behaviour. It’s hard for me to say if he’s symptomatic or if this is just him. Can you give us a little more back history in your relationship? How long have you been together, is this behaviour new? That kind of info. Just know your no longer alone, we are all here for you :)

 

[Mytime]

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/

 

[MSO]

We were together for 2 1/2 years before we got married. He just retired after 17 years of service. He was deployed 5 times. I do not know how long he has been diagnosed, but it was done by the VA and he has been on various combinations of drugs. Since his retirement, he has opted to stop taking pills and medicate with marijuana. He does not go to therapy like he needs to.

This is the only support I have. His family does nothing as he suffers what I see as a violent downward spiral.

It has made the threat of a divorce very real.

 

[Mytime]

A threat of divorce can be very scary and being pregnant is even harder. His behaviour now, is it since he stopped taking his meds? Did he come off them on his own or with his doctors help?
You said he isn’t going to therapy, did he go at one time?

 

[Sweetpea76]

I noticed a few things in your initial post.

I am trying to distinguish what is his PTSD and what is real.

It's all real. This is him when he's symptomatic. This is him reacting to stress. You may not have seen him this symptomatic before.

I love him dearly but this isn’t the man I married.

He is. This is him.

All this is hard to get used to. I think a lot of supporters tend to think of PTSD like some kind of separate entity, almost like their partner has devil possession or something. They think it will go away and they will have their partner back. That's not reality. This is him. This is him and how he is reacting to his symptoms. This is reality now.

As much as understanding your partner and worrying about his mental health problems is important, it's also important to adjust your own thinking.

It's not romantic. It may seem cold and clinical, but reality is a necessity when your partner has a mental illness.

 

[LuckiLee]

He's in stress overload. New marriage. New baby. Retirement!!!! Relationships. These are all great things. Right? Nope, not in a PTSD brain. It's ALL stress.

Did he show any symptoms before you married? Or was he deployed during your relationship?

It's hard (that's an understatement) for some combat veterans to transition into civilian life after service. The reality is my guy has been out (of service and "private contracting") about 10 years and in treatment through the VA for just over five years. And it is so freakin hard some days. For both of us. PTSD sucks!!

✌

 

[Freida]

He's in stress overload. New marriage. New baby. Retirement!!!! Relationships. These are all great things. Right? Nope, not in a PTSD brain. It's ALL stress.

Trying to fit into the civilian world is a HUGE stressor. Civilians are like children...they have to be protected, they can't follow orders, they can't see danger, they worry about stupid shit......basically they are like aliens compared to the people he just spent 17 years with. Plus you lose your sense of purpose. You no longer have a mission. It's what a lot of vets struggle with when they first get out. And while he was in he could keep himself busy and keep all this stuff at bay. Now he cant. And now he has to go to therapy and relive all the cra p that gave him ptsd in the first place.

No words of wisdom on how to cope. Just a bit of a look at what might be making him news down