My personal struggle with love is this... I was in (what I deemed to be an open, honest, committed relationship with a man for four years. I loved him and my life very much. For me, the relationship was happy, healthy, and with clear boundaries. I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually fulfilled and equally available in just about every form of the word.
Our relationship started as nothing more than a chance meeting and turned into much more later, there were no clear boundaries at first because there were no commitments from either side. Even after we started to see each other on a more serious level, there were still very few "expectations" of each other as we were both active duty military, and both were being fulfilled, we still had honesty.
Over time though, that changed, we both verbalized how we felt about the other, and our relationship was very much "learn as you go". I maintained a healthy, honest person outside of the relationship and I was very fond of sharing a life with him. It was tremendously easy, we got along very well, co habitated very well, spent very little time arguing, I truly loved having such an amazing man by my side!
Flash forward 4 years, there is a PTSD diagnosis from him, there is a fellow student from school who I knew had a hidden agenda immediately, I could sense a strong attraction there (ya know how you just know?). I spoke openly about my feelings, I never tried to interfere but long story short, they ended up together (BIG SURPRISE)...
My question is this, upon his exit from my life, he said some very hateful things, about choices we made together (his recollection is very different than that, apparently he felt bullied and pressured the entire time we were together, and he never loved me... My jaw hit the floor, and I was devastated).
My question is this. Was he right? Am I those things? Was he truly unhappy with me for all that time? What is the difference between dissociation and just plain lack of physical attraction? Were there sparks with this other person he just never felt for me or is this the next "opportunity" for him?
He bailed on all of our commitments, financial and otherwise, moved this other individual into our home, shut me out completely, and never really looked back. Then his mom tells me "this is a normal breakup", (based upon info she was fed from him, I am sure). Am I missing something?
Now, I'm scared that I am the unhealthy one, that I did something wrong, that I am a victim, (something else she threw at me, as her son can't apparently fight his own battles). I am scared to death to think I invite these types of toxic people into my life, and just lie to myself so that when they hurt me, I can say "I guess I was right". I don't think of myself that way, but I am also not on the outside looking in.
I am clear in my life about boundaries, I am honest with myself about expectations of others, I am conscious of how I treat others and I am driving myself a little nuts with the thought that he could go on and have a successful relationship with somebody else after the way he treated me. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror!
Any feedback would be great!
Our relationship started as nothing more than a chance meeting and turned into much more later, there were no clear boundaries at first because there were no commitments from either side. Even after we started to see each other on a more serious level, there were still very few "expectations" of each other as we were both active duty military, and both were being fulfilled, we still had honesty.
Over time though, that changed, we both verbalized how we felt about the other, and our relationship was very much "learn as you go". I maintained a healthy, honest person outside of the relationship and I was very fond of sharing a life with him. It was tremendously easy, we got along very well, co habitated very well, spent very little time arguing, I truly loved having such an amazing man by my side!
Flash forward 4 years, there is a PTSD diagnosis from him, there is a fellow student from school who I knew had a hidden agenda immediately, I could sense a strong attraction there (ya know how you just know?). I spoke openly about my feelings, I never tried to interfere but long story short, they ended up together (BIG SURPRISE)...
My question is this, upon his exit from my life, he said some very hateful things, about choices we made together (his recollection is very different than that, apparently he felt bullied and pressured the entire time we were together, and he never loved me... My jaw hit the floor, and I was devastated).
My question is this. Was he right? Am I those things? Was he truly unhappy with me for all that time? What is the difference between dissociation and just plain lack of physical attraction? Were there sparks with this other person he just never felt for me or is this the next "opportunity" for him?
He bailed on all of our commitments, financial and otherwise, moved this other individual into our home, shut me out completely, and never really looked back. Then his mom tells me "this is a normal breakup", (based upon info she was fed from him, I am sure). Am I missing something?
Now, I'm scared that I am the unhealthy one, that I did something wrong, that I am a victim, (something else she threw at me, as her son can't apparently fight his own battles). I am scared to death to think I invite these types of toxic people into my life, and just lie to myself so that when they hurt me, I can say "I guess I was right". I don't think of myself that way, but I am also not on the outside looking in.
I am clear in my life about boundaries, I am honest with myself about expectations of others, I am conscious of how I treat others and I am driving myself a little nuts with the thought that he could go on and have a successful relationship with somebody else after the way he treated me. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror!
Any feedback would be great!
