Is It Possible To Dissociate To The Future?

[amyers71]

I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2011 due to an abusive relationship with a Sociopath. I have done therapy etc. And started dating 2 years ago. The relationship went slow, which was good. Until 6 months ago, when me and my kids moved in with him for the summer while purchasing a home. Then all hell broke loose. Turns out he is severely OCD, which he hid well while dating, but couldn't hide when we were known his home 24/7. He couldn't handle the chaos and mess of kids. It was hell on our relationship and specifically on my ptsd. We were stuck in his house until ours closed, and I wasn't coping well. I couldn't go back to the past - because that was worse. The present was too hard for me. So I focused on the future. Creating a wonderful fantasy of marriage and happily ever after with him. Clearly that didn't happen. I didn't even realize I had done this until now as we broke up over the holidays. He couldn't live up to the fantasy I had created to cope. (Plus I suffered a head injury playing hockey that didn't help my frame of mind). Anyway, my question is - is this normal, or have I lost my mind altogether at this point? Will it go away? Will I doom all relationships like this when I get too stressed out in the present. How do you all stay grounded in the preaent?

 

[Justmehere]

Everyone, even those without PTSD, disassociates to some degree. Typically dissociation is used for memory. For example, typical non-pathological dissociation would include things like not remembering every inch of the drive home from work, but forgetting all the specifics of an ordinary drive home from work.

Some sources put daydreaming on the dissociation scale, and it lies towards the non-pathological side of the scale, near the above example.

Excessive daydreaming is something that happens for people, and you are right on track to think that being grounded and connects to this moment now is the path out of it.

Reducing anxiety about this moment now and working on grounding skills may help. Mindfulness is all about being connected to this moment now, and for me, it helps keep me from crawling up into my head too much and thinking of the future (or the past) and might be helpful for you as well.

 

[Friday]

That's called variously;
- Maladaptive Daydreaming, (any time daydreaming impedes or negatively affects your life)
- Magical Thinking, (thinking that your thoughts can alter reality just by thinking them)
- Fantasizing, (daydreaming about what you wish were the case, or want to happen)
- Future-tripping, (when spazzing about it; whether anxiety or some other emotion is hitching a ride on the imaginary train wreck).
- Hope.

 

[Seasounds]

I'm sorry for your disappointments and pain. You are not alone. I, too, felt like I had done enough work, to choose healthier partners.

It didn't work out like that. From that, I realized that I had more healing from PTSD to do, and that I needed to develop more emotional and relational intelligence, to find healthier partners.

One thing I can say, that has developed out of continual, and sometimes painstaking therapy, is the ability to see myself and others, for who I am, and for who they are, rather than, for who I want to be, and for who I want them to be.

Another result of more therapy has been able to make better choices in mates, because all the while I am in therapy, I am recognizing and transforming my patterns, which help me identify and choose healthier mates.

Alanon is a terrific resource-lots of educational and emotuional support for personal growth in relationships. If you can, go to 6-10 meetings, just to get accustomed to the flow and their wording, and to find a group you like.

I am not religious; so I used what worked from their concepts, rather than to 'throw the baby out with the bath water'. I was very uncomfortable and threatened at first. it helped to go to a bunch of meetings even though I didn't think they 'were for me', even though I felt calmer after the meetings.

Alanon meetings are usually calming and grounding for me. They help bring me peace of mind. I still use them, once a week.

Healing and grounding to you!

 

[amyers71]

I did a lot of CODA meetings, DV counseling, EMDR, etc after the Sociopath and they were helpful. And magical thinking is my specialty, it's how I've survived this long.

The frustrating part is that is that I felt like most of this was finally behind me, but it seems I'm all of a sudden back to square one. Wanting to slit my wrists again - not that I will. The kids don't have anyone else but me. I have to stay here and be functional.

And my picker is definitely broken. But at least this one didn't fake cancer, pretend he was sterile from the cancer which resulted in the 5 year old he doesn't support, or try to kill himself 3 days before our wedding rather than tell me he was still married to his 1st wife the entire time. So technically - I am getting somewhat better at picking them lol. This one is just a bit obsessive and douchy by comparison. (Sorry, I get funny when hurt and frustrated).

I just don't feel like I have the strength to start over again. I'm tired of everything sucking. I feel terminally undateable. And I can't handle the stress involved with relationships anymore.

Has anyone managed a normal relationship after PTSD?