Is It Possible To Release The Anger, Without Forgiving Them?

[therisa]

Not sure, how I should start this, concerning my relationship with my family, except it's complicated and filled with abuse (psychological and physical), which I have mentioned, in previous postings. Yesterday, my nurse practitioner asked me, several questions about, how I felt about my mom's actions and would I accepted them, if a friend had done that to me. Empathetically, I told her, no.

Which brings me, to ask, this question. Is it possible to release the anger, without forgiving a person, for the abuse, they have committed, against you?

In the past, I have tried several times, to bring this subject up, with her, but she has manipulated the conservation, by making me, feel guilty, by crying or twisting the conversation back on me. Thus avoiding having to explain her abusive actions (psychological) against me. Or had played, "I have forgotten" card. Forcing me, to break off, all communication with her, in early November 2012. I never expect her, to apology to me, as I have given up, on her.

Never mind, she has enabled my brother, to physically abuse me, for most of the years, I lived with them.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Yes it is possible. I think it comes with the acceptance of what is out of your control and therefore, not your responsibility.

Anger is an emotion that wants to change things by fighting the problem. But when dealing with past abuse, it has already happened, and while we're not accepting that, we still are always in a state of trying to stop it from happening and change the reality.

But we can't stop what happened, and we can't always change peoples minds about what happened. Because it's their mind, and it's there ignorance, and it is their responsibility. Their blindness is theirs to carry. You are the one who understands the reality.

 

[therisa]

How I wished my abusive family members could see and understand this reality, @Meadowsweet. I know, I have a lot of work, before I can let of my anger. Thank you, for your answer.

 

[It's all my fault]

@therisa. When you do figure it out, please let me know! Best if luck.

 

[therisa]

I'll be posting it, here, @It's all my fault. Right now, I am not sure, how to approach this matter, but given enough time, help and support, I'll find a way, which makes sense to me.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

It's not your burden to carry therisa. It's about acceptance. You have to accept the reality they are sick individuals incapable of change.

 

[therisa]

Yes, I know my mom and brother will never change, but it has been my burden, @Survivor2Thriver. For I am, the one with the flashback memories.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

It's only a burden if you carry the anger. My family can keep that too. LOL I'm currently processing flashbacks as well. I'm using humor as a coping mech until I master mindfulness and finish with EMDR.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

"Which brings me, to ask, this question. Is it possible to release the anger, without forgiving a person, for the abuse, they have committed, against you?"

Yes. I have.

 

[therisa]

@Survivor2Thriver and @Solara, I have an addition issue to deal with, my mom's transphobic reaction to me. Those scars are slowly starting to scab over.

 

[J_trustno1]

@therisa : I haven't and I cannot. I still have that anger and that hate especially when I see them being great to their kids but they treated me like a doormat. I suppose it is different with every individual. Some people are actually kind enough to forgive but in my case forgiveness is way far away.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think it is possible for some, as every situation is different. If the negativity, nastiness and abuse were continuing to this day then no, I probably wouldn't be able to release the anger.

 

[LaraGeel]

@therisa : " I have an addition issue to deal with, my mom's transphobic reaction to me. Those scars are slowly starting to scab over. " , Let me tell that transphobic answers are just eating at your self-esteem. Can I let go anger : NO ! It depends on how deep they've hurt me. I saw me today again as a canon-bal, saying my opinion to my mother at her place, till something drive me in craziness and I've bite in my wrist : To point something out to my mother. But in a way she is sick, she is emotional blackmailing/playing and this went more and more clear : I saw it happen to my father. Yes, and that brave father who worked hard if constant under fire : Also with my mom's buying behavior and not watching money. Sometimes my mom says to me : We have some money, so you can do your breast enlargement - But I know she wanted to sell a little house we rent out, cause she needs money. So I am then the next 'object' to my father to sell it : Cause she needs it and there is a new reason. She spend money as xx Euros and it is cheap but it was xxxx Euros, but still expensive. But I can have a backlash, if I saw what I am costing to her : I am costing her 250 Euro a month at food ?! To believe it or not.

I've decided not phone their friends for some support anymore. Those friends where the children from a person where my parents hired a garage for the car. Even they telling me : " That my mother had constant something or a problem. ". But, for so long those friends know me : They had a solution to work back as a man or in men's clothing for me, cause they saw TV and the men(woman?) was happy to get a job back for trading in his(her) new life. They asked me what I should do in that situation, I've told them : " Going for Sex-Work ! ". And they have some other examples, but in a way understanding nothing about me, nor what 'LARA' deeps in me needs.

Anger will faded away and why should we Forget and Forgive, if they all hope to live on your Forgiveness till the next attack is there ?

My dad will say : Being angry won't help. But angry and anger you need to pull yourself back up.

Edit : Let me add my sisters her behavior on a day. I've asked her some years back how she sees me : As a man or a woman ? She will answer : " Look Lara, I am going to give my opinion, you don't do a sex-change cause you want to rebel the system. ". There is a little truth in there, but I have my choices what's important to me to out and my body changes what pleasures me. She worked at the police and doing the streets. She was tired on that so after doing lessons 'psychology' she went social co-worker on the police department. And after some studying she is a high police investigating person. She demands 'excuses' and she demands/dictating 'excuses' to the Police Monitoring department of Police (Comite P - belgium).