Is It Possible To Say "i Love You" With Ptsd

[Ladyghosthunter]

I say it because I WANT to believe someone to love me unconditionally but have a cynic view about people who say they love me. I was told by my therapist that I don't receive love or any kind of emotion for anyone because of what I've been through. However, the love and care I give others IS genuine as if I want to show others what love is.

 

[emz315]

@Ladyghosthunter thankyou for your reply. It is true... what your saying. But i must admit that it can feel like a test to see how much the heart/love can cope with. Thats why i said that if i feel that my heart/love for him cant take anymore i would promise to leave but for now i just want to stay and he accepted that ..may have been a little hesitant.

Its very odd that he cannot break it off yet tells me too go and leave because he doesnt want to take me down with him. To me it feels like something is holding him back from letting go aswell even when his words can be quite serious.

We worked out the best thing to do right now even if he is hitting rock bottom is to work out another compromise together that suits us both. I really dont think he wants to lose me..but he just doesnt see the point. ...1 step forward two steps back but your still dancing. But taking down a notch.

 

[Momofthree]

I have said all of what he said to you to my partner. When I'm in a bad head space I feel like I'm a black hole sucking all the joy and goodness out of the ones I love and they will end up resenting me for it, I want to protect them from that so I push them away. I don't want them to go, I want them to stay and tell me I'm worth the pain, but I don't want to hurt them. My partner has also basically said the same thing you did, he said "The only person who can tell me what's good for me and how much I can handle is me! And I say that I want to be with you!" I helped. I still think he is crazy for loving me and that he would be better off without me, but if he wants to stay then who am I to stop him? I also feel like most of the time that I'm being abusive in the relationship because I can't put my fair share of the work in, and that makes me sad, because the last thing I want to do is abuse the ones I care about. I don't know if any of this helps you to understand him better but it's part of the PTSD. We know we are difficult to be around and hard to love, we see the pain in your eyes when you say you don't like seeing us hurt or sad or depressed and we feel guilty for that. I love my partner more then anything else in the world! I love being around him and I feel safe in his arms, he is my safe place, but because I love him I fear hurting him and so I try to protect him from my demons, my depression, and the black hole that is my soul. I hope that makes since.

 

[emz315]

@Momofthree i guess you do the best you can at times. thats exactly hows his feeling right now, its definently hard to hold on but he has promised he will keep trying. i feel deep down if it is time to go i will..but i reassured him that i dont want to go anywhere just yet....his not angry for me staying he just wants whats best for me and cant provide me more with what i deserve...which is hard for the supporter because it can put a few doubts in your head in those conversations.... but i did say to him that he may feel like his hitting rock bottom right now but he may pick up just a little week by week or he may not no one can predict how he will be in a few weeks time or a month or whatever... only time will tell.... im prepared to face that when it comes to it........ i was just glad that he was able to put it aside last night when i asked him too think about what he would be giving up and went quiet for abit and said " well maybe we can put some stuff in place so its not stressful he was very adament that he needed routine right now during the week.... get up work gym home bed get up work gym home bed therapy etc........ and asked if i would be happy with just the weekend at the moment and still doing texts and a call during the week.... i said that i was okay for that now but he also had to follow through and understand the type of person i am. which he is respecting.

 

[emz315]

@shimmerz got any other words non triggery in ptsderzz ? Instead of i love you.

I call him my boofhead when im in a good mood or my pain in the ass lol

 

[shimmerz]

Bunny, cupcake, baby doll, jerk, hammerhead..... :)

 

[emz315]

@shimmerz hammerhead i like lol

 

[Momofthree]

My pet names for my partner are "Scruffy" (short for Scruffy looking nerfherder) and "Stupid Face"

 

[KRB]

Not sure if the ptsd comes from military related events or not but I can share my experience from a military wife perspective.

"I love you" was something we told each other daily, numerous times in the day UNTIL he came home from deployment and PTSD sat in.

Going through and seeing the awful traumatic stuff he experienced made him numb, physically and emotionally. If you've seen American Sniper, Chris Kyle is a perfect example of how the world spins around someone with PTSD, and they just aren't there. My husband suddenly didn't know how to love me, and telling him I loved him just pushed him into a corner.

A year later he still has not said it, but he SHOWS me every single day that he loves me, and I will take that. I have had to stop myself from telling him I love him because I know it doesn't help him heal.

The way he explained it to me is its hurtful to want so bad to love someone, especially one you vowed to love forever, but you just can't feel it.. not because you don't love them but because PTSD won't allow you to feel the love you KNOW is there.

Don't lose hope on him because he is broken, showing him you love him and you won't leave his side because of this is exactly what he needs!

Love him the way Jesus Christ loves you!

 

[AS6855]

I am extremely lucky. I have been with my partner for 5 years now and I tell him that I love him multiple times a day, because I do. I constantly try to push him away but he said at the start that he would only leave when I truly wanted him to, and he has stuck by that, I once told him that I meant it and he said he would give me my space and if I fel the same way the next day, then he would leave for good. I didn't so he came back. I really don't know what I would do without him but it took me almost a year to be able to say it the first time.

 

[holdenmonty]

To the OP I was just thinking I remember when I was going through my rough time before I got help the first time/before the second time so I knew I needed help the second time before it got worse. But anyway I didn't feel. I didn't feel happy, sad, or love. I still told my wife that I loved her because I knew that someplace deep inside that I loved her but for some reason I just wasn't feeling any emotions. The first time it turned into me pushing her away and isolating and self medicating with alcohol until I hit my own personal rock bottom and got help the second time I noticed I wasn't feeling emotions and didn't want to go down the same path as the first time because if I did it to her again I'm pretty sure she wouldn't take me back.