Hi all, I posted some time ago and vowed that I was not going to continue the relationship as it was too much for me but I can't explain the feelings I have for this man. Our story is complicated and please don't judge me for my wrongs.
When I met him he was like no one I had ever met. I was just coming out of my marriage of 13 years and he was everything my ex wasn't. I truly didn't think men existed like him. We dated for about 3 months and one evening out of the blue he tells me he is thinking about getting back with his wife who he had just told me he had been seperated from for 3 years. That lasted 5 days before we were back together and our relationship lasted 5 months. He had told me that he had nightmares every night and had been diagnosed with PTSD. It didn't really bother me as I had been surrounded by it due to my job. He went to training and while there I get a call out of the blue telling me he was freaking out and he was about to have a breakdown. He then tells me when he comes back he needs time to himself. We'll that lasted a month, I would check on him from time to time but never pushed. One month later I found out he was back with his estranged wife again but he was texting me and calling me within a couple of weeks telling me he loved me and missed me and needed me. I told him that I wouldn't be with him until he was divorced and held true to my word but we still talked some. One week while I was on vacation he text and called me while I was on the road, he got very angry with me and being on a long road trip by myself I decided that I was finally going to break free from him once and for all so I stopped responding to him completely. After about 5-6 text messages I finally called him and unloaded on him.
That night he called me in tears and begged me to help him because he didn't know who else to turn to. He came to my work that night and I gave him the key and he moved in a few days later, once he served her with divorce papers. Well it's been 3 months and he told me a few days ago that he couldn't live in my world (I have dogs and my kids and he's a little bit on the OCD side). One of the dogs had chewed on a baseball glove he's had for a long time even though he hasn't played ball since his injury. I told him that I understood, but there could be no going backwards in our relationship so this was it for us. I told him I loved him and I hated this but this is what it has to be. He is still here. He told me he loved me and that he wanted to be with me but he didn't know how. Judging by what I can tell, his marriage that He is dissolving now this has been common for them. I can't and I won't live like this. He has times where he is very affectionate with me and then we have spells when we go like this.
I keep hoping that this back and forth is his PTSD but maybe it isn't and he's manipulating me. What a mess I'm in. I want him to go back to counseling and I would like to go myself with him but I feel like I'm intruding.
Thoughts? And I can handle honesty cause I sometimes think he uses the PTSD as an excuse.
When I met him he was like no one I had ever met. I was just coming out of my marriage of 13 years and he was everything my ex wasn't. I truly didn't think men existed like him. We dated for about 3 months and one evening out of the blue he tells me he is thinking about getting back with his wife who he had just told me he had been seperated from for 3 years. That lasted 5 days before we were back together and our relationship lasted 5 months. He had told me that he had nightmares every night and had been diagnosed with PTSD. It didn't really bother me as I had been surrounded by it due to my job. He went to training and while there I get a call out of the blue telling me he was freaking out and he was about to have a breakdown. He then tells me when he comes back he needs time to himself. We'll that lasted a month, I would check on him from time to time but never pushed. One month later I found out he was back with his estranged wife again but he was texting me and calling me within a couple of weeks telling me he loved me and missed me and needed me. I told him that I wouldn't be with him until he was divorced and held true to my word but we still talked some. One week while I was on vacation he text and called me while I was on the road, he got very angry with me and being on a long road trip by myself I decided that I was finally going to break free from him once and for all so I stopped responding to him completely. After about 5-6 text messages I finally called him and unloaded on him.
That night he called me in tears and begged me to help him because he didn't know who else to turn to. He came to my work that night and I gave him the key and he moved in a few days later, once he served her with divorce papers. Well it's been 3 months and he told me a few days ago that he couldn't live in my world (I have dogs and my kids and he's a little bit on the OCD side). One of the dogs had chewed on a baseball glove he's had for a long time even though he hasn't played ball since his injury. I told him that I understood, but there could be no going backwards in our relationship so this was it for us. I told him I loved him and I hated this but this is what it has to be. He is still here. He told me he loved me and that he wanted to be with me but he didn't know how. Judging by what I can tell, his marriage that He is dissolving now this has been common for them. I can't and I won't live like this. He has times where he is very affectionate with me and then we have spells when we go like this.
I keep hoping that this back and forth is his PTSD but maybe it isn't and he's manipulating me. What a mess I'm in. I want him to go back to counseling and I would like to go myself with him but I feel like I'm intruding.
Thoughts? And I can handle honesty cause I sometimes think he uses the PTSD as an excuse.
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