Is It Stalking If It Is Just In Their Head?

[Pakadlangitok]

I have a question about stalking. My best friend is obsessed with a man she met at Starbucks. He works there and she goes there every single day to "study". She asked me if she is stalking him.

I said NO because she never even TALKS to him!! She said she feels safe there because I guess she has a crush on him. (She is abuse survivor, too)

I started to think. .......this happened to me once , too! After I was abused and got out, I felt so unsafe anywhere I went. I knew this guy who I started to like but never ever said a thing about it , but hung out like she did where he worked. I was in school so I did study there and same thing, I felt safe there.

Again , I never said or DID anything which would have caused any trouble but I was there too much.

I just stopped going because I was feeling weird about it myself!!

I know the legal definitions are different than the psych ones. Legally of courses her and I did nothing and never would. We are passive and beat down. But psychologically?

Mine was brief because it just dawned on me how stupid I felt.....she is in 6 months and it makes her happy. What should I tell her?

She is very timid and zero chance of crossing a legal line......should I tell her to nip it now???
Kind worried about her!!!!

 

[SoSadGuilty]

I don't think it is stalking per se as all she is doing is hanging out in the public place where he happens to work. You've said yourself there is no chance of it tipping into reality. I guess it could be detrimental to her health if she did become completely obsessive about it but to me it sounds like a bit of harmless fantasy at the moment. If she gets peace from her head hanging out there then surely that can only be a good thing?

 

[Pakadlangitok]

I don't think it is stalking per second as all she is doing is hanging out in the public place wher...

Good point. A harmless fantasy. Like porno! Hahaha.

 

[SoSadGuilty]

Good point. A harmless fantasy. Like porno! Hahaha.

I'd be more concerned if she was into porn!!

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

That's not stalking, at least in the malicious sense. Believe me..I know malicious stalking. True stalkers are sicko creeps.

 

[Pakadlangitok]

That's not stalking, at least in the malicious sense. Believe me..I know malicious stal...

Dang me too. I guess that is why we are both sensitive to it. It is like that question, after being abused and you get all messed up and then you think ," Am I a monster?"

Probably because we have both been abused like crazy ANDstalked, we are thinking, "Shit . Am I like my abuser?"

Why do we do that when none of us are like our evil, sadistic, sick, nefarious abusers???

 

[Casey_03]

I don't think it's stalking unless he tells her it's freaking him out and then she continues to do it

 

[Tinyflame]

Guys do that a lot. Usually they'd do it while & then ask me out. I prefer to get to know someone a bit too. Don't know if she has ptsd (I forgot reading & have to hurry), but kudos if she does for 1. having a crush (who cares?) 2. feeling safe anywhere & 3. sitting in a coffee shop & not just counting exits & seconds/ feet to the doors.

 

[EveHarrington]

Obsessing perhaps.

A bit concerned if she's going there every day to "study" him. How long does she spend there? It may be harmless, but I'm not sure it's all that healthy.

 

[GWhizz]

Definitely not stalking. Lots of people hang out in places they feel comfortable and where the staff create a welcoming presence.

It becomes more obsessive if she were to say, find out his working days, where he lives etc.

If she would actually like to ask the guy out it wouldn't be all that weird either if she started chatting to him a bit. Lots of people meet partners this way. For now I think it's harmless. But... If it's becoming a dependency, then that's not healthy.

 

[Pakadlangitok]

Guys do that a lot. Usually they'd do it while & then ask me out. I prefer to get to know someone a bit...

Great point. Feeling safe even somewhere!!!

 

[Pakadlangitok]

Obsessing perhaps.

A bit concerned if she's going there every day to "study" him. How long does...

Oh dear no. She is not studying him. She is taking her schoolwork there. But stays a long time. 4 hours.