Is It Wrong ?

[Suprane]

After reading all you need to, about what PTSD is, and how to treat it, and you still find yourself banging against walls concerning family and friends, is it wrong to close doors on anyone, so you can set boundaries and finally take control of the direction of your life ? Anyone ? And thank you.

 

[TXbandit]

Not wrong at all. I had/have to do the same thing. People get so concerned about you, they start trying telling you what you should do, how you should be acting etc. It's frustrating and seems to only make things worse, in my opinion.

I had to close off certain family and friends to the point of isolating from them because they didn't understand what was going on in my head. I think I did it to protect them from myself, honestly.

You have to do what you feel is right and don't put your happiness in someone else's hands or let them decide what is best for you.

I also don't recommend it for long periods of time unless they are setting you back with negativity. You still need people in your life, especially the people that support you.

Just my two cents.

 

[Sandstone]

After reading all you need to, about what Link Removed is, and how to treat it,

Knowing about how is very different from actually doing it. Which are you saying has occurred?

is it wrong to close doors on anyone, so you can set boundaries

In the short term, I'd say probably it's OK, but long term it's a very limited life. Being alone isn't being healed, it's being afraid. As I continually have to tell myself. I'm not sure it is setting boundaries either, I think you have to be in contact to have a boundary. Otherwise you are an island.

I'm aware that what I've written is my personal response, based on my life, and I know nothing of what you are experiencing. I'm pretty sure it s good advice for me - you will have to decide if it good for you

 

[Suprane]

No concerns on writing your own concerns, that's all we can base our opinions on. But my family is of no support and have never been. They label, ridicule, name call and state their superiority. My PTSD started when I was 18 ( almost killed, drowned, in the showers at West Point ) and have since experienced 45 years of added on trauma, until I broke down completely in 2005. All along I struggled to be "normal", get an education and live with huge fears, anger and depression. No therapy, couple tries with meds ( gave me electric jolts in my brain ) and simply stayed busy and pursued life with a vigor that slowly lost steam and vanished after 2005 after losing my only patient in 38+years of anesthesia. ( I went another 9 years reliving that dead girls face every time I gave another anesthetic) All along the way my family put me down, was jealous ( you make the big bucks, not true, started at $15,000/year, but they didn't need to know ) My worsening PTSD drove my kids from me when I said I was unable to help them and their marital problems any longer and now I am a despicable parent, a nut job, a psycho and many more attacking words. I really have tried to apologize for my short comings, explain the dynamics of PTSD and all I get is, "excuses, excuses, excuses, now man up and grow a pair" I have had enough and my wife and I wish to close the door and go our own way apart. But it is a dam hard thing to do on your own children. I said goodbye to my siblings about 10 years ago and it has made a big difference, no more intertwined dysfunction, inter-sibling rivalries and judgment. There's so much more but am so tired of repeating and reliving the pain, wish to move on and live a quiet life with my wife, friends and animals. Is that so wrong ?

 

[TXbandit]

Your kids are grown. All you can do is give them advice and let them do their thing. It's not your burden anymore and they shouldn't say "man up" to you because they don't have a clue what you are going through and another thing, that's disrespectful.

Sometimes you have to cut ties. My parents and I had to cut my sister out of our lives of because she was harming our family and tearing us apart. She was a drug addict that wouldn't get herself the mental help she needed.

I feel for you. I know it is extremely difficult and it really hurts your heart. Hang in there buddy.

 

[rightkindofme]

I have no contact with my family. Sometimes cutting off the people who are poisoning you is the only way to create space in your room for people who won't abuse you.

 

[Whirlwind]

you still find yourself banging against walls concerning family and friends, is it wrong to close doors on anyone, so you can set boundaries and finally take control of the direction of your life ?

I did this. So far it seems I made the right choice (coming up on a year now). My stress is down and I feel more clear minded, I've also taking firmer steps to improving my life now. The people in my life may have meant well but they were telling me "what to do" and it was confusing and felt invasive. I spent more time dealing with them then I did on my own situation! I didn't realize how much time was spent until they were gone. After cutting them out I have also confirmed for myself I have allowed some people in my life due to loneliness that were not healthy for me.

Taking this kind of step was important for me.

Good luck, Whirlwind

 

[illusionist]

It is not wrong....hard to do.... but certainly not wrong.....been there and still stand strongly on a decision I made 20 years ago..occasionally it niggles me but I know I made the right choice.

 

[Suprane]

Thank you for the words and support. I know what I need to do, just know the sadness will be a burden for a long time. I have tried so many times to reason and be a part of equality and fairness. But they continue to want to label my lovely wife, their stepmom, and me and they see only their burdens and stress. We have been cussed at, threatened and libeled and it is now time to close the door and leave it shut until they see fairness and ask to come back through. Bless each of you on your journey thru the maze of life. Take care.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Healthy boundaries are always good.