Is My T Right For Me?

[Smile]

I found my T from a referral from another T who specializes with patients who have a history of past sexual abuse. I never specifically asked my T what his specialty was but when I googled him, I found that he had been the T of a famous person who's always in the media. Problem is he was seeing that person for drug addiction.

I've been seeing him for a few months now and am starting to question whether he knows how to deal with my situation. I've been asked by a friend or 2 if he's helping me or making my situation worse & I don't know the answer to that because I know you have to go through s%#!t before you start feeling better.

I CANNOT ask him straight out if this is his field of expertise... It's too embarrassing.

Any suggestions? He's really expensive, something I truly cannot afford (family is helping out with that which I am NOT happy with) but would continue if I know for a fact that he knows what he's doing.

Thanks,

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Uhm, I don't think there is any way around asking him his specialty unless you can find a blurb about him online somewhere. Can you get someone else to call him and act like a new patient to see if he specializes in sexual abuse?

 

[Smile]

@Solara , yeh I was thinking of that. I guess I'll try it. But is there certain types of therapy he should be using? He did once mention that he uses cbt and dbt but that's it. Like what about EMDR? It never even came up.

He says therapy will take a loooooong time and that I need patience. I've been in therapy before... I understand it taking time. But it's unimaginable that I have to be in such a bad state for a long period of time! I mean, I don't know how much longer I can live like this. Constant anxiety with no relief for over a year... It just feels like there should be something elSe to do that I'm missing here???

 

[KwanYingirl]

I asked my therapist to spend the 45 minutes telling me how he got to where he is now. He was more than happy to tell me his professional background. Trusting in a therapist takes time and I just wanted to see what his journey looked like.

 

[joeylittle]

I CANNOT ask him straight out if this is his field of expertise... It's too embarrassing.

Yes, you can ask him, and it's appropriate to do so. I asked mine, my wording was "do you feel like you have the ability and interest to help someone with my background?"

Look, it's a business transaction. You have not only the right but the responsibility, in my opinion, to get what YOU need.

Just ask.

 

[Seasounds]

Great suggestions from above posts!

My thoughts and questions:

1. Are you experiencing the connection you'd like, in therapy?
2. Do you gain insight into your condition, learn coping tools, and do you feel comforted, after you leave?
3. Do you think you need a psychiatrist, in addition to a therapist?
4. I would trust your hunch; I get the sense that you sense that 'something' isn't happening, with this therapist. And just because he helped someone famous, means nothing. If you wanted, I bet you could find a better therapist for (relatively) less money.

I was looking for ways to find a new psychiatrist and therapist. On Psychology Today's website, my insurance company's website, and a therapy referral site, I was able to read bios and send out emails, with some of the same questions that you wanted to ask your therapist.

Good luck!

 

[Justmehere]

I can understand why it would be hard to say "hey, I have sexual abuse trauma, can you help me and how?"

You could ask him about what techniques he uses to handle trauma in general. He should easily disclose his techniques to process trauma. Sexual trauma or any other kind, it's all the same basic techniques.

It's common ordinary stuff for a therapist to be asked this stuff - and yet I understand it's hard to do. But is not asking him and not talking about this really working for you? Maybe things are not progressing faster because it's time to maybe push to share a little more. I don't think you need to dive in to the deep end, but get your toe wet in sharing a little more with him. I started off doing a lot (and I mean A LOT) of sessions just talking through my fears of telling my therapist things or fears about asking her questions. It was therapeutically helpful in and of itself.

Maybe you could also try discussing your fears that things are not progressing faster. Therapists get this a lot too.

People with addictions commonly have big trauma histories. DBT and CBT are commonly used to help stabilize and cope with symptoms of PTSD and provide a good foundation before jumping into EMDR or somatic experiencing or exposure therapy. Sometimes therapists who use DBT and CBT don't also have training to process trauma in other ways. It would be good to know sooner than later if he has some skill set to do the work you want to do so you can get better.

If you feel like you can't risk asking him about what therapeutic techniques he might use to help someone with trauma in general, or discussing concerns about the progress, then maybe it is time to consult with another therapist and you can see how it feels at just an intake. I've done this when I wasn't sure about my therapist. It helped me realized my current therapist was the right fit for me.

Sometimes it can take a few tries to find the right person. It is tough. :hug:

 

[Smile]

Thank you all for your helpful suggestions!

I started off appreciating the sessions... I would leave feeling a sense of relief. But now it has changed. I feel so stressed and emotionally spent after. I mentioned that to him last session and he asked me why I feel that way. I said that I'm not sure but it's either because we're getting things done (which can be stressful) or because we're not getting things done. I told him that I feel as though there's a whole side of me that peeks it's head out every so often but that I've buried it too deep to reach. Even when trying.

He keeps saying it takes a long time, I need patience. But I want some sort of timeline/schedule. When will my life be mine again? When will I be able to start functioning like I used to?

Do I just need to accept thy I may be in this state for the rest of my life?

 

[Seasounds]

I don't know all of your situation. From your discouragement, why not explore 'hope' by having a couple of 'meet and greet mini-sessions' (20 minutes) with a couple of other therapists and a psychiatrist. It sounds like you need some greater relief than you are finding.

One thing that I noticed, more blatantly than ever before, was how differently I felt, just being in the room with one psychiatrist vs another psychiatrist. I liked both of them. (One psychiatrist was substituting for my regular psychiatrist, while on vacation.) my regular psychiatrist is more formal and logical, the substitute is less formal, and is more comfortable with emotions.

In the therapy relationship, the therapist's presence and personality strongly influences how the client responds. (Analogy, and example: remember how you felt while being in a room with your favorite teacher, compared to how you felt you least favorite teacher.)

I like the post above, that suggests that you treat this T like a business relationship. Have the talk you are thinking to have with the T . If you aren't generating good feelings from the interactions, and if you aren't getting better and aren't feeling hope, I support you to explore other therapists.

 

[Smile]

Thanks!
When looking into other T's, is it normal practice (USA) to have a free consultation or do you have to pay? Anyone know?

 

[Chosen]

It depends on the T, but Psychology Today's website will tell if T's give a free consultation. Many of the T's I've visited with have given me a free consultation. Not all, which has sucked when I've had to pay for an hour session when I've quickly realized that I don't even like the person!

 

[Smile]

Thanks @Noah! I'll check the site out :)