BloomInWinter
VIP Member
Hi Lillie,
Early therapy is very hard for us trauma survivors because establishing trust takes time and it's very hard to force oneself to trust someone who is essentially a stranger.
I remember very well being where you are. It does get better.
There is no such thing as being "too sensitive" when you have PTSD. Our brains are primed for fear and anxiety. We have triggers that make us highly reactive to certain stimuli. We got wired that way from trauma, and with processing of our traumas, we become far less reactive over time.
I don't perceive anything out of line from your therapist by what you've written. For those of us with many traumas, there is no map for any therapist to be able to verbally navigate without hitting some triggers. I had to work hard to force myself not to withdraw from the therapeutic relationship when those happened, as my natural inclination is to just avoid it by not going back. I fired my therapist a few times in the beginning, and hundreds of times in my head. :) But going back and talking about what got to me has always been a great growth experience, although frightening and often felt humiliating in my head before I actually talked about it with the therapist. I always learned something about myself which has helped me in the real world.
I do wish to state that I believe in-person therapy to be the best bet but I'm in a rural region with a high poverty rate so I know it is not always possible. But do carefully check the credentials of any therapist and check the department of regulation to see if that person actually is licensed and whether or not has had any complaints.
I had to decide whether or not I felt my therapist was a basically good-intentioned professional. I really wish I hadn't wasted so many sessions looking for ways to prove he didn't know what he was doing (ha ha). We are the experts on our lives, our traumas, our feelings. The more we can share with them, the better they are able to identify core beliefs or unhelpful thinking styles which are getting in the way of us living our lives as we wish to.
As far as saying it can be cured, that may or may not be accurate. The science is still out on that one. But yes, some people seem to move on and experience life without the symptoms. I still have symptoms but it's SOOOO much better than it used to be. Even better, I have good coping skills now so even new traumas don't take me down the way they used to.
For his saying it feels better after talking about such things, that is accurate in the long term. For whatever reason, I cannot process and heal what I don't address. It's amazing how just the act of verbalizing can settle things in my psyche and greatly decrease my suffering. I was raised never to talk about feelings ever. That almost killed me.
I had to remind myself that I could always quit therapy at any time, and that I was free to reject anything that I felt wasn't accurate. I did try very hard though to force myself to go back even when I was feeling very apprehensive and anxious. Even that simple act helped me learn how to face people in life who gave me the same feelings, and now I don't have any more issues with assertiveness when I need it.
Sexual abuse and assault is always the full responsibility of the perpetrator. Of course it doesn't feel that way to me for MY stuff. That's our core shame talking. But just because I feel something doesn't mean it is always factual.
You might consider giving it more time with your therapist before judging his level of competence. It's hard enough to assess how someone is responding to us in person and online we don't have any body language cues. He will only know what's going on in your head by what you tell him. If you can push yourself to talk about it you can see how he responds, then decide whether or not it seems like he's helpful or no.
There's a DBT skill called "get more information" that I think was really helpful to me. It meant for me not to go with my gut reaction if I was actually physically safe and could take the time to find out more about a person or situation before jumping to conclusions. I missed out on really good friendships along the way because my gut reaction to flee the relationship meant my first reaction may have felt right but sometimes was based on inaccurate or incomplete info.
We are usually never trapped in therapy unless it's legally mandated. We can hit the eject button any time. But even if the therapist turns out to be a dud, staying in it long enough to develop the courage and skills to actually tell the person that can be a good growth experience, too.
Hang in there.
Early therapy is very hard for us trauma survivors because establishing trust takes time and it's very hard to force oneself to trust someone who is essentially a stranger.
I remember very well being where you are. It does get better.
There is no such thing as being "too sensitive" when you have PTSD. Our brains are primed for fear and anxiety. We have triggers that make us highly reactive to certain stimuli. We got wired that way from trauma, and with processing of our traumas, we become far less reactive over time.
I don't perceive anything out of line from your therapist by what you've written. For those of us with many traumas, there is no map for any therapist to be able to verbally navigate without hitting some triggers. I had to work hard to force myself not to withdraw from the therapeutic relationship when those happened, as my natural inclination is to just avoid it by not going back. I fired my therapist a few times in the beginning, and hundreds of times in my head. :) But going back and talking about what got to me has always been a great growth experience, although frightening and often felt humiliating in my head before I actually talked about it with the therapist. I always learned something about myself which has helped me in the real world.
I do wish to state that I believe in-person therapy to be the best bet but I'm in a rural region with a high poverty rate so I know it is not always possible. But do carefully check the credentials of any therapist and check the department of regulation to see if that person actually is licensed and whether or not has had any complaints.
I had to decide whether or not I felt my therapist was a basically good-intentioned professional. I really wish I hadn't wasted so many sessions looking for ways to prove he didn't know what he was doing (ha ha). We are the experts on our lives, our traumas, our feelings. The more we can share with them, the better they are able to identify core beliefs or unhelpful thinking styles which are getting in the way of us living our lives as we wish to.
As far as saying it can be cured, that may or may not be accurate. The science is still out on that one. But yes, some people seem to move on and experience life without the symptoms. I still have symptoms but it's SOOOO much better than it used to be. Even better, I have good coping skills now so even new traumas don't take me down the way they used to.
For his saying it feels better after talking about such things, that is accurate in the long term. For whatever reason, I cannot process and heal what I don't address. It's amazing how just the act of verbalizing can settle things in my psyche and greatly decrease my suffering. I was raised never to talk about feelings ever. That almost killed me.
I had to remind myself that I could always quit therapy at any time, and that I was free to reject anything that I felt wasn't accurate. I did try very hard though to force myself to go back even when I was feeling very apprehensive and anxious. Even that simple act helped me learn how to face people in life who gave me the same feelings, and now I don't have any more issues with assertiveness when I need it.
Sexual abuse and assault is always the full responsibility of the perpetrator. Of course it doesn't feel that way to me for MY stuff. That's our core shame talking. But just because I feel something doesn't mean it is always factual.
You might consider giving it more time with your therapist before judging his level of competence. It's hard enough to assess how someone is responding to us in person and online we don't have any body language cues. He will only know what's going on in your head by what you tell him. If you can push yourself to talk about it you can see how he responds, then decide whether or not it seems like he's helpful or no.
There's a DBT skill called "get more information" that I think was really helpful to me. It meant for me not to go with my gut reaction if I was actually physically safe and could take the time to find out more about a person or situation before jumping to conclusions. I missed out on really good friendships along the way because my gut reaction to flee the relationship meant my first reaction may have felt right but sometimes was based on inaccurate or incomplete info.
We are usually never trapped in therapy unless it's legally mandated. We can hit the eject button any time. But even if the therapist turns out to be a dud, staying in it long enough to develop the courage and skills to actually tell the person that can be a good growth experience, too.
Hang in there.
